A twist on an old question: I fear my mother, not a wife or girlfriend, is going to call the police on a false allegation. How do I protect myself?

snoopyzanus · 2011-01-19T06:32:02+00:00

Recording her is an absolute must. I would not tell her about the recorder, as she would most likely try to get rid of it. The point of recording her should be as proof of her behavior anyway, not as a tool to make her be nicer to you. Her changing her behavior when being recorded defeats the real purpose.

The more proof of her behavior you have recorded, the more protection you will have against false accusations--and this is also invaluable protection against those who are already mentally set to believe a woman over a man in he said/she said situations.

You don't want to call someone for help, only for her to turn on the tears and turn things around making you out to be the abuser. You can only protect yourself with recorded proof of her acting at her worst, displaying what she is really like.

pcarvious · 2011-01-19T04:19:59+00:00

If you're worried about false allegations I suggest you get your ducks in a row for a fight. You're recording conversations and such now which is good evidence. However, you should also start feeling out the water around you within your family. If your family members have routine contact with your mother they probably know what kind of mind she has. if not, I would suggest using the recordings as a demonstrative once you have sufficient evidence.

Be ready to leave at a moments notice. This could mean tomorrow. I think there was a post not too long ago about a survival kit all men should have if they have to leave an abusive situation and how to hide it.

Edit: This is from the sidebar. It should be able to help some.

2011-01-19T11:54:05+00:00

You don't own the house and she does? You can't do a thing about this. You can't get legal help for you or mental help for her. Cops will laugh at you if they get involved. The woman sounds dangerously nasty and you're best off leaving right now. It's inevitable anyways. You think it's not financially possible- yes it is. You're old enough to join the army. You own a car, sleep in it if you need to until you can do better. Check out who you know who can host you for temporary couch surfing. couchsurfing.org. Find out if you can get food stamps, learn where the soup kitchens are, buy the book the Art and Science of Dumpster Diving by John Hoffman. Don't fuck up your credit at this stage by using paycheck cashing places or wasteful shit like that, study some of the resources on the net about how to get through the system and thrive while homeless, without substance habits that will keep you down there. Learn skills to get cash other ways like selling stuff on ebay at the library, do test studies, etc. It's not as hard as you think it is. Have college for the end goal even if you have to put it off a while until you get finances in order.

While you're planning that, stretch out what you can get from her like food, temporary living, just stopping in for a shower or whatever. Don't take it for granted or rely on it to be there when you want it, because she can use that against you and she's already making you think badly. For as long as you're there, stop arguing- don't talk, just leave the room and lock the door, or leave the house. Good luck.

ColeSloth · 2011-01-19T01:11:33+00:00

I'd keep the recordings and store them all. Don't tell her about it. How old are you?

kloo2yoo · 2011-01-19T06:09:55+00:00

Today I purchased a recorder to record our arguments, in which I am usually very calm and stoic while she violently curses and screams. I live in a one-party consent state but I'm wondering if I should tell her I have the recorder anyway. The pyschological effect of wondering if I'm recording or not might make her act nicer to me. What do you think? I need advice fast.

the recorder was a was a good choice. no, you don't need to tell her. If you do, (and this would require dishonesty on your part) you could feign turning it off, and record the personality changes once she thinks it's off.

I'd say record it all for a week, then (don't call 911) take A COPY of the tapes to a police station, and require the cops to listen to them with you. file a report, and have her either arrested or institutionalized. Neither sound pleasant, but institutionalization may help her. No need to get extended family further involved until AFTER the police have become involved. They'll plead for mercy on her, and she needs treatment.

angrymarie · 2011-01-19T01:25:11+00:00

Try calling county health services, they should have a mental health dept. where you can at least talk to someone that can give you some real advice. In the event that your mom tries to make official allegations against you, you would then be able to reference your conversation with a county official as to your concerns. That might be helpful if mom calls the police on you. I really don't know, but I wish you the best of luck.

2011-01-19T08:01:52+00:00

You have my sympathy. Random thoughts:

Are there no public or private services which can help you with this sort of thing?
Your father, what kind of person is he? There are poor fathers as well as mothers, of course, but don't write him off without good reasons. I know that even if I hadn't heard from my son in years, I'd drop everything to help him in such a situation, and I don't think my sense of parental responsibility is that unusual.

AnnArchist · 2011-01-19T14:49:31+00:00

Let her steal your car, then call the cops. If you are over 18, moving out is financially possible. (meaning, get on food stamps now, get a fucking job and start saving every penny)

I also recommend you order video taping sunglasses of meritline.

piggnutt · 2011-01-19T15:56:09+00:00

Think you can't afford to move out? Have you priced legal defense recently? I think you'll find moving out to be a relative bargain. At the very least, make preparations to moving out.

You really need to quit saying things she might take as a threat. Keep building evidence against her, but don't let her know.

Bobsutan · 2011-01-19T16:08:45+00:00

Record everything. Set up hidden video/audio if need be and when she flies off the handle just whip out a recording device of choice.

Rideicon · 2011-01-19T18:25:24+00:00

dude, just leave. No one in financially ready when their parents kick them out at 18, if your fearful of legal action taken against you, then GTFO its not even a question.

IRageAlot · 2011-01-19T19:21:57+00:00

Moving out is not a financially possible option at this time.

Why?

Join the military.

Get a roommate.

Get an efficiency appartment.

Collect evidence by your tape recorder.

Lie to her to make her calm down till you are in a better position.

Get her on tape saying you've never abused her. Prompt her, "i've never laid a hand on you, why do you think I would?"

Hell, prompt her about your dad, "Did dad ever get physically abusive with you?"

Prompt her on tape about it being ok for women to hit men. "Do you think it is ok for women to hit men.... Do you think it is ok for a woman to lie and say a man hit her if she is scared.... What have I done to make you scared of me?"

Collect all that stuff, contact CPS, DHS, contact your your dad and ask him to start a custody suit. Ask him to request an attorney/guardian ad lidem. Ask him to request that she do a deposition and a psychiatric exam. Turn your evidence over to the GAL/AAL.

Break all contact with her, work from the outside to free your siblings. She doesn't sound like she would have a problem telling a lie. It would be hard for you to help your siblings if she has a protective order on you.

Does she use drugs?

Do you use drugs?

2011-01-20T17:30:59+00:00

Get a restraining order, or file a police report of some sort. This will show that later down the line, if any shit does hit any fans, you were denying it and doing something about it from day 1.

Camcorder is a decent idea, but back it up with a formal police report, and call CPS if you really think that's the right way to go. Best offense is a good defense.

WhatWouldBaltarDo · 2011-01-21T21:48:20+00:00

Call an attorney who specializes in Guardianship of Disabled Adults and seriously consider starting such proceedings. If nothing else it will get the courts involved in a non-criminal manner and should force a psych exam. Guardianship lawyers are a type of probate lawyer - so if you don't know anyone personally who can make a referral, contact your County bar Association and ask them for a referral.

Title	A twist on an old question: I fear my mother, not a wife or girlfriend, is going to call the police on a false allegation. How do I protect myself?
Author	MensRightsThrowaway
Upvotes	10
Comments	20
Date	January 19, 2011 12:55 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/f4s7x/a_twist_on_an_old_question_i_fear_my_mother_not_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-twist-on-an-old-question-i-fear-my-mother-not-a.1044199 https://theredarchive.com/post/1044199

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