Was asked to post this here, and throwaway account btw!
For context, I've been dating my boyfriend (exclusively) for 4 months. A few weeks into seeing eachother he tells me he accepted a place on a course (for just 1 academic year) in a city an hour's drive from where we live. He clearly stated his intentions were to continue seeing me. All great, it's been working and is delightfully easy.
I completely understand he's meeting lots of new people on this course, which includes other girls. Not a problem, and I give him heaps of space as networking is a huge portion of the experience. A particular girl - for storytelling purposes we'll call her Beth- has taken a liking to my boyfriend and his two male housemates - she's kind of seeing one of the sluttier housemates apparently.
I was spending the weekend with my boyfriend, all cuddled up watching a Sunday night film when Beth called him about 7pm. His phone was connected to the Bluetooth speaker we were using for the movie sound and it announced her name. He muttered to himself 'what does she want' and explained to me before picking up the call Beth was seeing his housemate. The conversation, which he stayed in my earshot of, lasted less than 30 seconds. He said afterwards she was always after an invite over to their house, asked if he was busy and was checking in to see how he was as he's also alone this Christmas.
I was very nonchalant and said ohh that was sweet. Then carried on watching the film and acting normal when my hackles were raised on the inside.
He was extra kissy and affectionate post-call, maybe my poker face isn't as good as I think...
The next morning I brought it up and said it bugged me the girl who called you last night thought you were alone this Christmas, you know you're very much not alone right? He said of course he knows he's not alone and the call was more of a cry for help from her. I left it there and he probed further asking if that was all that was bugging me. I said nope, just the alone comment, I trust you.
Kind of wish I asked him to expand on the cry for help response he gave and to see if she actually knew about me.
Naturally, being a bit jealous / curious I've since peeped at Beth's socials. My god she's the poster pickme girl with "hanging out with her boys" (my boy and his housemates in a group) snaps and boobs out every other square. I noticed there were zero photos of girl mates / literally anything else, save for selfies or boys which adds to the weird vibe.
I know I'm going to be meeting this chick at some point soon so am interested how the ladies of FDS would handle it.
My instinct is to smother these types of girls with kindness to outwardly show being totally unbothered. I might be wrong though!
[–]Lamiek 48 points49 points50 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]luvmyvulvaxoxo27 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I agree with the other commenter.
Why does she have your bf's number? SO many young people stick to texting. Why is she comfortable calling him?
Did he mention he was with you and busy? Did he say he'd be with family/you for Christmas?
I get feeling suspicious because someone's being over the top... But men shouldn't entertain that. We've all had men be super curt/rude to us and signal that we should leave them alone. Why didn't he do that?
[–]yadayahh1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
The whole course year is in some kind of Whatsapp group so I believe it's easy to find another student's number. I know as a cohort they all hang out.
Really good question about why she feels comfortable calling him though. Seeing him this weekend so will be bringing it up!
He was in earshot of me having this conversation and he sound a little curt with "I'm busy right now." But I am unsure if she knows about me, also adding that to the list of things to chat about over the weekend.
Thank you for responding xx
[–]luvmyvulvaxoxoFDS Specialist 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LittleWinn 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]yadayahh2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh no, no offence at all! Perspective from the outside is always welcome as it can be hard to see when you've got rose-tinted glasses on. Completely agree, and the conversation suggestion is great thank you. Definitely going to have a chat about it.
I'm not sure he can completely cut her out of his current life as they are on the same course and her connection to the other housemate, but making solid boundaries very clear is a must for me. Yeah, he's very sensitive to hearing what's on my mind if I even look a little bit off (might be day dreaming about nothing) so I feel confident in telling him my feelings. I just didn't think to expand on the conversation when I bought the call up the next day.
Meeting her would probably be in the context of being at the same gathering he's bought me to. Not going out of my way in wanting to see her face to face. Sorry, I should've been clearer! But stepping back instead of being auto-kind is good advice.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, hugs back.