recently one of my old classmates passed away, unexpectedly.

in the same time my other old classmate, "Ron" started messaging me out of the blue. when we were in school together, Ron and I didn't really talk or even know each other. we had some classes together I was friendly, but I never was really interested in dating or really even being friends with him. he was a nice guy but we just didn't have anything in common. I also wasn't a fan of the people he hung around with- they were delinquents. i'm not sure if Ron was autistic or just had a harder time picking up the material in school, but he had low self esteem and was a little socially awkward. when we had group projects, I remember trying to make him feel included and defended him when people got angry he couldn't keep up with the material. I helped him a lot with the projects, because he was trying, he just genuinely didn't understand that class, and I didn't think it was fair that some of the other kids were mean to him about that.

anyways, Ron starts messaging me about the funeral, saying he's upset, how they were BFFs, talking about the memories, and whatnot. I said, "I'm sorry about that I know you were close but I cant make it to the funeral tell everyone I send my condolences". I didn't want to be mean to him but I kept it short and sweet - I dont want to get mistaken as a free therapist to him, but I also did genuinely want to be sympathetic and kind - I am struggling a lot with leveling up and shaking off the ways I had letting people walk all over me, but I am still a good hearted person and long to be a good friend, but my effort needs to be respected and reciprocated.

my mind was giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking that he might actually be having an awful time coping with the funeral, maybe he's in a bad place, I should be supportive of others when they are down or vulnerable, maybe I'm one of the few he actually reached out to about it.... but at the same time Im fighting myself because I am NOT a free therapist for this guy that I barely knew to unload all his feelings on. I dont want to be insensitive or kick him if he is down - but I'm not gonna be having long discussions with him about his feelings, I'm not messaging him at the drop of a hat. is Ron just using the funeral as some sick, depraved way of hoping something sparks?

my gut instinct is giving me a bad feeling about Ron. my old pickme and doormat self would say he's just trying to be friendly and looking for some sympathy to process his grief, he's reaching out for support and needs a friend... but the leveling up me says Ron is preying on me and perverting the funeral and exaggerating his grief to get in my pants. its been a few weeks since I sent him the message about my condolences and he just messaged me again, pretty well late into the night. I didn't open it but saw the preview and he was going on more about the funeral being sad and hard for him...

  • we barely knew each other in school or talked until recently
  • he is suddenly hitting me up
  • huge amount of time passes between my last message and him responding. feels similar to being kept as a backup option when I dated some LVMs
  • after midnight is not an appropriate time to message me
  • he did contact me before the death, responding to a post I had looking for some professional networking experience, he reached out to ask how I was and told me how he has a great job and blah blah, and then seemed friendly and gave me some seemingly helpful advice, then told me his contact was his friend, and that if I was interested his friend and him could do a three way call or we could all meetup to discuss his friend's price. it seemed very scammy and predatory. who charges me for advice? this was a thing that never involves money. I told him I wasn't interested. the next time I heard from him it was about the funeral.
  • he had so many other close friends, so why is he trying to unload his feelings on me? he didn't hit up my other friend and she knew him better than me. he hasn't said a word to her! why me?
  • when he does post on social media, its very stereotypical F-boy pics: gym, cars, flexing his muscles, showing off F boy style outfits and haircuts. he was shy and awkward in school, didn't have the F boy aesthetic then.
  • what is his end game?

everything added up together is rubbing me the wrong way, I get the feeling he is into me and he was strung to use the three way call as well as the funeral as a way to hope to "meetup" with me and then ask me on a LV walk "date". maybe he was hoping id be a sad, crying mess at the funeral and that he'd swoop in and cheer up with a $2 coffee or use that friend of his and the advice scam to keep seeing me?

normally id just delete and block Ron. the thing is, my hometown is a small area, and everyone knows each other, and Ron and I have a lot of mutual friends. I dont live in my hometown area, but a lot of the jobs where I moved to are shutting down and people are loosing their jobs. I may have to move back to my hometown area as a safety net if I have problems with work. trust me when I say, everyone knows each other in my hometown, and its very political, so I dont want to have a bad cutoff with him- theres a good chance it'll bite me later. besides he'll probably play the nice guy card and be like "that bitch" Ugh. see why I moved away? im doing okay now but things are starting to get worse around me and my apartment area is getting a lot of questionable people moving in- so I put money away and already started looking for a new community and now no one wants to give me a tour because of covid. they actually want me to sign a lease without even being given a tour. and someone was just murdered and robbed the building next to the one I live now! so I really might have to end up moving home. I dont need Ron giving me his problems or to be wasting my time but I feel uncomfortable blocking him.

so I was thinking of just distancing myself, leaving the message unopened, and even just staying off social media, since I dont use social media much anyways. ghost him, leave him unopened, just do me, I mean he does that shit anyways, and if I ever bump into him in real life I just can say "I was so busy!" or "I was out of town!" (lol the classic LVM excuses!)

thoughts on this mess?