Seeking Advice: How to decline a date from a HVM, but not the HVM for me

Sea_Soil · 2020-10-02T02:27:31+00:00

It was well known that he was interested in me, but he was respectful and didn't make any advances while I was with my ex. A few months after the breakup (just before COVID lock down) we saw each other again, he asked for my number.

This kind of thing is always so creepy to me, tbh. Like a predator just waiting to jump on it's prey as soon as they are alone. Typical orbiter/nice guy. If it was "well known" then he couldn't have been that respectful. Most people's crushes aren't known.

Just say what you've said here

He will make somebody a good partner, but that person is not me. I'm just not interested - and it's nothing about him, I'm just really feeling myself right now and enjoying that.

Tell him, "You will make somebody a good partner, but that person is not me. I'm just not interested- and it's not about you, I'm just really feeling myself right now and enjoying that."

If it really is about him, if you're not interested and the chemistry and attraction is just not there, thats fine too. You're not obligated to be into this dude. Don't feel guilty about not wanting to date him. You're doing the right thing by listening to your gut and focusing on your own growth and happiness.

Edit: also, since this guy has had his eyes on you since you were in a relationship, be aware that telling him "it's not you" may make him continue to orbit and feel entitled, he'll want to keep waiting and will likely try again once he thinks you are ready.

MakeURegret · 2020-10-02T00:59:32+00:00

“It was a nice date, but I’m looking for other things.” OR “Thank you for the date, but I do not see this progressing further.”

You can even add in a “good luck in your search” if you feel like it. Definitely listen to your gut, trying to make something work that you know isn’t good doesn’t make sense. That’s a scarcity mindset and we don’t do that!

nycgirlhere · 2020-10-01T05:12:06+00:00

Hmm, I would ask you why you feel like he doesn't add value to your life. I'm not trying to overstep your feelings, but if you're not attracted that's just how it is but sometimes we can stand to go on a couple dates with someone to see if the connection can go. So many people are die hard for chemistry but chemistry doesn't mean compatibility either. Just my thoughts! Otherwise I would say: "I really enjoyed our time together but I'm not interested in pursing this relationship any further."

Title	Seeking Advice: How to decline a date from a HVM, but not the HVM for me
Author	pinkzebra12
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	September 29, 2020 6:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/j2565f/seeking_advice_how_to_decline_a_date_from_a_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/seeking-advice-how-to-decline-a-date-from-a-hvm.1068391 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068391

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