My ex [M25] and I [F27] are rebuilding from our past. We were each other’s first everything. We were involved with each other since 2009. By the sixth year of being in a relationship, we became too comfortable with each other and took each other for granted.

To keep it short, in the past we used to have our little 1 or 2 months where we wanted to break up but couldn’t let go type of situations. One time while we were trying to make things work, I found out he texted a girl he was trying to pursue during our break up “happy birthday.” This bothered me because why? While we’re trying to work things out? This was earlier back then in like 2018.

We took a year break 2019-2020.

We broke up and weren’t talking for a year. We both dated only one person which never turned into anything serious. We both said that we have a special connection and there’s chemistry and we just get each other. When we reconnected I told him from the jump that if he was dating anyone else, let me know. 10 months pass and we’re more serious on rebuilding that foundation, we’ve traveled, we’ve seen shows together. All the things we couldn’t do when we were younger. That made our bond stronger.

One thing that bothers me is he still has the girl he dated while we broken up on social media. He met her at work and they work at different departments but still the same building. I expressed how it bothers me because he would tell me he doesn’t care for her but he doesn’t see a reason to unfollow.

I noticed that that girl’s birthday was coming up and I was scared he was gonna pull the same thing he did with the other girl and reach out and tell her happy birthday but I didn’t know how to bring it up to him. So I just flat out told him that I don’t want what happened in 2018 to happen again. I feel like when you’re done with someone, there’s no reason to talk to them again especially if they have someone new. He said okay. This was 10 months ago.

Fast forward now, I’m more comfortable with asking him questions about his past and I asked him did you ever tell your last fling happy birthday? He said, “why does it matter? We weren’t as serious before?” and he tells me that he greeted her happy late birthday and said it in passing at work. Yet, in the very beginning I communicated it to him that I didn’t want to repeat that. He said okay and he still told her?

I know it sounds petty, but sometimes I can’t decipher paranoia versus intuition. I feel like if you tell me one thing and do the other, what else is there that I don’t know about?

Before we traveled to NY, he said he would unfollow her to ease my mind, and then he changed his mind.

So now I feel like he broke his word to me twice over her.

Then I find out he and her weren’t using any kind of protection when they were dating yet he tells me they weren’t serious. It’s all contradicting to me.

I know that was in the past, and the whole birthday thing was in the very beginning of us reconnecting and now he hasn’t done anything to raise my suspicions besides the fact that he’s still following her. He said he muted her on social media and when I asked him to show me if he did, he refuses.

I don’t know if these are red flags or what, but I just don’t understand. If you don’t care about her, aren’t speaking to her, and know that it makes me uncomfortable, why can’t you just contact with her?

Can someone make it make sense to me because I feel like I’m losing my mind.