I'm so defeated by negative, overbearing, deceitful, abusive and controlling women ever since I can remember. I feel like there is no escape even though I have the means to do so.

My story is so long and arduous that even releasing what little that I will is more of a chore than a release. Even with all my flaws ( imagine who planted them there), I've strived to maintain a semblance of "family life".

I've been dirt poor since I came out of the womb. Grew up with a single mother who either completely ignored me or beat me to my room if I acted like the child I was , or she was just so vacant that I didn't care to even try to ask for attention. Not to mention her being a prostitute and never having stability, along with addictions and falling for the "wrong" men or women, who often treated me better than she did.

I'm a minimum wage job worker and have been most of my life, three kids, and two marriages. And I was/am the only source of income for both. My children are from my first marriage, and even though I'm a "fucking loser", I was awarded sole custody due to her abuse and negligence and have had them under my care for 7 years now with a woman who turned out to be just like the other women in my life. She wasn't for the first couple of years because she knew what I have been through. My weakness in believing that she was different has been my downfall and I honestly don't see the point to anything anymore even with money to escape.

I could tell you my life story (it's fucking brutal) but what I really care about is not having my children in an environment that has been replicated by my new wife. People tend to gravitate towards what is familiar and all I've ever known is ridicule, toxicity, depression, and despair.

I have no real friends as I've been controlled and manipulated by the people that told me they cared for me as they brain washed me to throw what caring friends I had to the curb.

I've never even had a driver's license or even an apartment under my name because of what I've been through. I have no close family members and I'm honestly just thinking of ending it all and setting up savings account or something so when they turn 18 (with my chump change 7 grand total) they at least have something that I never did at that age so they don't possibly end up like me. I just can't take being a martyr of sorts anymore. I can't fake being happy. The sorrow, depression, and agony of my life is intolerable. What I've said is bearly the tip of the iceberg. I wish I was articulate and talented enough to write about my life and possibly make into a book because it just seems so unreal/surreal that most people would think it to be fiction.

I've always known what I wanted out of life, I was just never gaven the opportunity. I don't believe this to be vastly a women's issue, as most men don't speak out due to societal concerns. I could of used the help that women's shelters offer women with children. But I don't fit the criteria of a "safe space" due to me being born with a penis. Soon it will be too late for me to worry about such things anyways.

*Edited for grammatical errors. I needed some liquid courage to write this. Seems like the libations effected my ability to write properly. By the way, I'm good. I was just being emo. Lol.