My childhood was incredibly traumatic and for this reason I am not in contact with any family. Because I was traumatized and also experienced bullying at school, I started withdrawing socially. My depression stuck with me throughout middle and high school. When I "blossomed", boys took notice of me and I found that girls were cruel to me. Two in particular tortured me. At some point or another, my "guy friends" revealed they just wanted to get with me and weren't really my friends. I was unmotivated and unsure how to make friends after High School. After officially leaving home, I had two back to back relationships (both with LVM, lasting approx 2 years each). I finally ended the second relationship just a few days ago.

I have worked incredibly hard to support myself but desperately wish I had a family or support system. It's not that I am unable to forgive my family. Any attempt I have made at reconciliation in the past has been painful, stressful and disappointing. I am somewhat proud of what I have been able to accomplish but have been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. My job is stressful but I can't afford to leave it. I get anxiety and feel dread going to work. I felt suicidal toward the end of my most recent relationship. I knew that he treated me terribly but I was so scared to be completely alone. His talk of marriage and a family was rubbish but I refused to see. Family is everything I've ever wanted.

A couple months ago, I finally went to the doctor to discuss my feelings of hopelessness and get a referral for therapy. I found out I couldn't afford the copay. I've found it extremely difficult to make friends in my near-constant state of depression and stress. I feel like I have no support. I'm in a lot of pain. Part of me just wants to get right back into dating just so I can still receive hugs or any kind of affection. I know this is a terrible idea. Is there somewhere else I can look for support?