Hi gents. I've been seeing this very nice girl the last few weeks. Myself and my soon to be ex-wife are officially separated 7 months, but we haven't lived together for nearly three years. I was doing well with my grief (even though it sucks) and have really worked on myself since she moved out.

I met this new girl just a month after we were officially separated and even though we clicked, I was just not ready at the time. I found myself looking for distractions and a new woman in my life felt like the perfect way to do this. But that's grief avoidance back in August, I was just not ready. I was very upfront and honest with this new date, about what I was going through and I really didn't want to take any baggage forward in life and into any possible new relationship so we parted ways, with the occasional text in the months that followed.

A few months go by, of a heavy grieving process for me and out of nowhere, just a few weeks back, that girl reaches out to me and askes me out. She was someone I really wanted to get to know more and I was feeling a bit stuck in my grief. I was not sure if I was ready yet, but after a few conversations with my therapist, I decided that the only thing that was holding me back was fear. So I went on a few dates with this girl. We had a nice time with the first one, but I remember feeling very low and crying a lot after our date. Everything on paper was great, she's beautiful and very smart and sweet. We connected on a lot of stuff so I was aware that my feelings were just my own baggage and I tried to separate her from my past hurts. So I continued to pursue dating her to see how I feel.

A few more dates happened and I felt more comfortable around her. I was really feeling much happier in my own skin generally. Fast forward to Saturday night. We planned a date and I brought her to some stand-up comedy gig here in Dublin. She took my hand during the show and we cuddled for the second time. We had a very sweet evening. We went upstairs after the gig to where a DJ was playing music and danced together. Things got pretty hot and we were all over each other, kissing and heavy petting over our clothes. I haven't been this intimate with somebody since my ex. I felt great, attractive and at peace. We went our separate ways and have just been texting since. I've had to move back with my parents recently and she lives with a young daughter overwise I was planning to have sex (not sure if they were her plans yet, but a part of me appreciates a slow build of intimacy after what I've been through, so it was probably for the best)

But since I woke yesterday morning and until right now, I've been feeling very sad and anxious. The date was great and I was really attracted to her so I should be happy that someone really nice has come into my life. Obviously, we're just dating a few weeks and I've been doing the personal work to manage my expectations. But I keep having flashes in my mind about my previous loss, thoughts of how sexy my date was, mixed in with flashes of dancing and heavy petting with my ex. I'm feeling a lot of fear, and the pain of the loss and grief has resurfaced a lot. It just feels like I'm really "moving on" and I'm having complicated feelings and older wounds resurface as a result.

I'm wondering if any men here found themselves with similar conflicting feelings and thoughts when they started dating again? I'd be inclined to just say that "I'm not ready yet" and go back to the non dating life. But at the same time, if what I'm seeing is just fear and hesitation, then I don't want to let those fears get in the way of me moving on and dating again. I know the importance of healing fully before dating again but I'm trying to strike the balance of feeling my grief and healing while also not wallowing in it too much and sabotaging new positive experiences that I want in my life as a result. Any insight or advice from experienced men who have dated after divorce would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks as always brother.