Background
Lifelong Blue Pill
44 years old
Married 11 years
Lifting (for the last 25 years)
Have read: Hold on to Your N.U.T.S, No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Rational Male, Open Her, and most of the sidebar.

History
My quest for self-improvement began about 2 years ago. My marriage was stale, finances in a mess, and I was pretty much a cuckold to my wife and her business. Then she caught me browsing volumes of porn, Craigslist, Ashley Madison, etc. counseling and coldness ensued. I was floundering with no confidence, no ambition, and no sex. I was convinced I was a porn and sex addict with Asperger Spectrum Disorder. No one really wanted to be around me, at home, at work, or socially. I was pretty much a downer from top to bottom.
Then I started attending a local men's group and I discovered the Red Pill. It turns out, I'm actually kind of a bad ass and not everything is my responsibility. It's not my job to make my wife happy. Even if it were, being her lap dog, doing everything she asks, and focusing all my energy on her is not the way to do it. She basically despised me. My indecisiveness and directionless existence, my total lack of self-worth, and belief that I was not worthy sex or attention or success until I had somehow redeemed myself. All of this drove her to fury and endless berating.
So, I started telling her "No".
"Can you get me another drink?", "No, I'm busy right now."
"I need you to cook dinner tonight.", "No, I have my men's meeting tonight."
"You're being very arrogant right now!", "No, I am simply telling you what I think."

It is a leap-of-faith initially. There is a lot of anxiety and second guessing. And, sometimes, I was just a dick. It takes time to dial in the proper attitude. But, I am getting better with practice all the time. I am to the point where I can stay in Frame and respond to her outbursts and complaints with, "I don't care." Not in an asshole way. Just in a matter-of-fact statement that, "I love you and support you and I am willing to help you move forward in your life, but your hang-ups are not my problem."
I am thriving in relationships with other Red Pill (and some Purple Pill) men. I am calmer, happier, and more confident. My lifting is going great (I am now doing muscle-ups on rings), and I take time for myself.
The road is not smooth, and my wife expresses her misgivings and, frankly, jealousy with this new me. But, I don't care. I have historically hated who I was. Now, I am learning to like myself. I am certain that his whole thing fills her with a certain Dread. But, I have to be the best me I can be. I am tired of hating myself. I am tired of doubting myself. I am tired of trying to please everyone else. And, I notice, the more I like myself, the more others respond positively to me. And, the less I feel the need to defend and explain myself. If someone does not agree with me, fine. You go your way, I'll go mine.

Recognition
So, I am a bad ass. I am healthy and decent looking. I am making a positive impact on the lives of people I associate with. I am a work in progress but I am definitely and constantly improving. So, now I have this nagging dilemma:
I want someone to notice.
I understand that it is about me and no one else. And, I am making all these great strides for myself. But, I still want someone else to care. I want someone else to say, "Wow, you really look great. Are you working out? You seem taller. That last project you did was awesome! Would you please let me give you a blow-job?". I fear that I am still quite outcome dependent. I want this effort to result in something tangible and physical.
Logically, I see this as residual "neediness". It is a certain continual lack of confidence in my own judgement and self-worth. It is this desire to have someone else validate my accomplishments and confirm that I am not just wasting my time and fooling myself in to believing. I want someone to convince me that I have not unplugged from one Matrix to simply have plugged into a different, equally false one.

Conclusion
I want to believe that this is simply a stage of the process. If I continue the work, my neediness and insecurity will continue to diminish. But, I am wondering if there is something else I need to do to help it along. I am still struggling with finding my purpose. I know that this is an issue. I have spent so long focusing on pleasing others, I am really not sure what I want out of my life. I have recently come to the realization that I want to somehow make a positive impact on the world. And, I want to thrive. Is that just another incarnation of being a "pleaser"? I don't know.
What does everyone else think? Has anyone else found themselves in this place? Am I getting it or am I still just a puddle of neediness? Even asking the question make me feel like I am fishing for a compliment.