Hi all me again.

I know RP theory posits that all women want assholes and we settle for nice guys as we grow older, but I have a different view based on my lived experience and what I’ve observed.

I think women THINK we want assholes. As a teenager my ideal man was a jerk with a heart of gold. I wanted the stereotype of a big, strong man who would be nice to me but was an ass to everyone else. I’m gonna blame this on the media I consumed at the time, where the most satisfying love stories in books and on TV were the guys who ‘changed’ for their love. These stories were exciting and dramatic and kept me guessing. I loved how intense they were and I thought that’s what love was.

Then I dated a few of the assholes, and by the time I was 20 I realised love is work but it shouldn’t be traumatic work. The high highs had low lows and I learned that the ‘assholes’ weren’t even nice to me they were just…assholes. As I matured I didn’t find the assholes attractive anymore, and I wanted someone who did stand up for themselves but was kind instead of being a jerk. I wanted love that was thrilling but not because of drama, just because we challenged each other and grew together.

I’ve seen other women go through a similar transformation, where when they are younger snd more immature they want love thats mimics the movies but those stories work because conflict is exciting to watch, being in conflict itself is just draining and terrible.

I think women think we want assholes because the idea that we are special enough to change someone is exciting, but after having a few assholes we realise that’s not what we are after at all.

Some women don’t mature past wanting assholes, sure, but I think many women don’t ‘settle’ for ‘betas’ or whatever because we want comfort. We want love that is mutually benenficial and doesn’t feel so fraught. So yeah, women do go for nicer guys when we are older but it’s not because we are ‘settling’, we just want a healthier love because assholes are overrated. And the ones who DO want assholes forever….well. Some people don’t grow up.