How to deal with moodiness and doubt.

amadexodus · 2022-05-12T19:54:53+00:00

I've done this before and have been working really hard on not doing this kind of stuff in my current relationship (namely not talking as much or being curt when I'm upset about something, and looking for small problems to validate my fear of the other shoe dropping). I'm proud to say that we're both happy!

Honestly, unless there's something seriously wrong with your relationship (e.g. he's mistreating you), you have to learn to break the patterns. You probably learned them from either bad/abusive parenting or from previous toxic relationships. Or you're just insecure and have some work to do on yourself to elevate your self-esteem. The first step is becoming self-aware. For me, when something small would happen that my brain overreacted to, I found it helpful to tell myself, "Your brain is reacting instinctively because it is not used to a relationship that's peaceful, where conflicts are handled calmly and with consideration for each other. The other shoe is not about to drop. Take a moment to ride out this wave of anxiety, then check in with yourself and figure out what set you off and why."

Then, when I was calmer, if I still felt bothered or angry or whatever it was, I would calmly tell my boyfriend what bothered me, why it bothered me, and what I would like him (or us) to do instead. And that has kept things peaceful between us.

sugarplumsunset · 2022-05-12T20:58:47+00:00

I can relate to a lot of the things you shared. Namely not always being in the mood to talk, fears about being left heartbroken, and feeling like I’m boring or not bringing enough to the table.

I am 27 and in a LTR, but not married - so you can take my advice with a grain of salt.

• When it comes to not being in the mood to talk or being short/rude when interrupted - it’s going to take time to break this pattern. I struggle with this and have really been trying to think before speaking and be more intentional with my words. It sounds simple and maybe a bit juvenile, but I also try to think about how my boyfriend will feel or react to the thing I’m about to say. Is it hurtful? Is it constructive? Or am I just in a sour mood and being reactive?

I tend to get this way when I’m in the middle of something and am interrupted. If it’s something important, I will kindly say something along the lines of “hey honey, I’m just wrapping up xyz, I’ll be done in about 5 minutes, can we chat then?” While it’s my goal to be cheerful and a soft place to land, I am only human and do get in bad moods sometimes, but communicating that with my bf in a kind demeanor goes a long way.

• Fear of being left/heartbroken - this is another pattern of thinking you’ll have to learn to break. Maybe consider what the root cause of this thinking is - have you struggled with abandonment issues in past relationships or with your family? I do think this gets better with age and as you gain more experience in relationships and learn to trust/open up fully. But if you don’t address this it can definitely be the demise of a relationship if it leads to jealousy or trust issues

• Being “boring” - I could have written this myself! Part of it is likely an insecurity issue, but I’d also assess what you’re doing in your life to not be boring. Are you pursuing your own hobbies and interests? Do you have your own friends or people you socialize with outside of him?

rosesonthefloor · 2022-05-12T17:40:14+00:00

Hey girl, it sounds like you’re dealing with a bunch of stuff!

I saw in your post history that you fairly recently came off of anti-depressants without the approval of your doctor. If you’re overthinking to the point that you’re considering leaving your boyfriend rather than him leaving you, that’s also concerning. Have you talked to your doctor about any of this? Do you have a therapist or psychologist that you can talk to about how you’re feeling? I ask because these kinds of issues are a bit above Reddit’s pay grade.

How long have you and your boyfriend been together? If he’s with you, he’s with you for a reason, and considering yourself unworthy of him might put you in danger of making that a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I also don’t know where you got the idea that women are emotional burdens for men. What makes you think that?

Title	How to deal with moodiness and doubt.
Author	Katierag
Upvotes	5
Comments	3
Date	May 12, 2022 3:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/uo3kkn/how_to_deal_with_moodiness_and_doubt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-deal-with-moodiness-and-doubt.1114497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114497

Comments