I’m relatively new to this group, but I’ve asked a few questions over the years that generally have not been well-received, and it gets me wondering what other “groups of thought” have active online communities that might be a better fit.
A few examples of what I mean:
“Fascinating Womanhood” (Helen Andelin version) has been recommended multiple times in this group, so I took it that the words within that book were something women here would stand by. But when I have asked questions of a certain nature - like about coping with my husband dealing with drug addiction, being verbally and physically abusive at times, etc. - the responses sound much closer to a typical relationship advice forum than anything Helen Andelin printed on the subject. There was a resounding chorus of “leave him” type answers, while Andelin has an entire chapter in her book about why those are actually not grounds for divorce. She says to stay somewhere else for a few days until he cools down.
I was also under the impression that RPW was about acknowledging and working with the true nature of men in a way that doesn’t judge or prosecute them. But certain things - like an instance of his infidelity, one of the most common human faults (over 50% of the time this happens at least once) - again, the knee jerk “leave” responses.
The RPW group here seems much more aligned with a more recent author, Laura Doyle, who does pinpoint those specific things (addiction, infidelity, abuse, etc) as grounds for divorce. It is much more conditional than anything Helen Andelin taught. To me, Laura Doyle feels like…red pill lite.
So that for me wondering if there are maybe different groups for these differing “levels” of being red pill?
[–]katx_x 11 points12 points13 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]No_Sound_74991 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
Yes, I get that this sub (or any sub) is not a monolith. The thing is… through hundreds of replies across about 2 years, I have never even once seen a response that differs from the Laura Doyle brand of response (“leave him if X”). If there were a wider variety of opinions ever expressed here, I’d be with you 100% on this. But that has not been the case, at least not in my experience.
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Yes, I know about that rule and it is part of why I came here. But people have always acted like the “don’t say leave him” rule doesn’t apply to these situations (addiction or abuse). I have even seen people write, verbatim, “this goes beyond the don’t say leave him rule”. IDK if you’d remember the post (I deleted it because I got sick of seeing people bash my husband), but that was one of many responses to a question I posted here asking how to cope with my husband being aroused by my pain responses from vaginismus and therefore not wanting me to seek treatment for it.
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Okay, good to know, thank you… but doesn’t that also mean that the type of guidance here differs from the type of guidance in FW? This is what I mean by saying it seems like there are different “levels” of red pill. In one arena (such as this one), instances of abuse are off limits, but in another arena they aren’t. Both are red pill compared to a typical group, but that is a pretty big difference, to the point where someone in the latter category cannot really even participate here.
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I guess I was talking about Option 3, coping with painful situations? Which I didn’t realize might be outside the scope of here… but if so, that seems a little crazy. Stuff happens in life, people are imperfect (not petty stuff like “he leaves the lid off the toothpaste” but people go through hard things), and coping seems like it would be an important skill for a lifelong marriage. I don’t have it, I get like suicidally depressed sometimes. I am referring more to coping when things aren’t going well - even if you communicate in the most feminine and deferential way possible, that doesn’t mean things will go in your favor. It decreases the amount of unnecessary conflict, yes, but there will still be times of suffering, at some point if you’re married for decades.
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I didn’t mean to imply that anyone is “subbier” than anyone or anything like that, I am aware that it isn’t a status symbol of any kind. Nor was I saying any of these books are bibles, I was just using them to point out demarcations in limits.
Being realistic… not everybody gets the best of everything in life. I mean yeah, I’d like a mansion, but even if I don’t have a mansion I still want to take care of and love what I have. Replace the word “mansion” with the word “life” and hopefully you get what I mean. It’s kind of like coping with being in a house that’s difficult to live in. Apparently nobody else here can even conceive of anything but a nice house, in this analogy. The need of coping skills is flying completely over everybody’s head.
Once again, I’m feeling completely misunderstood by this group…
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