Hi all, sorry for the long post ahead!

19f here, I'm currently in between chapters of my life. I graduated high school last year, worked this year, and will be starting 4 year university next month. I just recently got out of a bad relationship which lasted 15 months. He was my first ever boyfriend, I went into that relationship inexperienced and naive beyond words.

Before I met him, I had never once in my life flirted with a guy, got attention from a guy, hung out with a guy, or had a male friend. My ex and I met online when we were both lonely and in a bad place. I was the 5th girl he asked out from our online group, he got rejected by the other 4 and by several other girls he knew IRL before we started dating. This was obviously a huge red flag, but I didn't realize it at the time since I was too naive. He had so many red flags (one of them being his severe porn addiction), but there are way too many to even attempt to list or explain here.

Everyone in my life begged me to leave him months before he left me, but I stayed because I (stupidly) loved him too much. We dated for 4 months online before finally meeting in person, and we were long distance for the entirety of the relationship (flew across the country to visit each other every few months). He didn't treat me well at all, I really should've left him long before he left me. He left me over my looks last month.

Early in the relationship (when I was still in high school), two guys I went to school with showed interest in me. One of them asked me out, and I turned him down because I was already dating my ex. My ex and those two guys were the ONLY guys in my entire life that had ever expressed any kind of interest in me. Around the same time, some other guys I knew from school were calling me ugly behind my back in a group chat with everyone I knew. Finding this out was extremely painful and a huge blow to my self esteem. My ex leaving me over my looks and being called ugly behind my back in the past really destroyed me. I'm broken. My female friends promise me that I'm beautiful, they promise that they truly mean it and aren't saying it just to be nice. I want to believe them, but it's hard.

I'd say I'm about average looking, maybe a 5 or 6. I'm half Chinese and half white. I have long, wavy, (extremely) thick, and frizzy dark brown hair. I use product to tame the frizz, but it's very hard to control. I have acne, it's not severe but it is noticeable and problematic at times. I don't wear any makeup except for concealer to cover up my acne. The makeup is extremely unnoticeable and nobody thinks I wear any makeup at all. My biggest insecurity looks wise is my nose, it's too big and I have a dorsal hump. I'd say that my nose is the worst part of my physical appearance. I dress pretty modestly, I don't wear anything cropped, short, promiscuous, or attention seeking. I don't dress up often either.

I'm an introvert with very few close friends. I'm also socially awkward at times (especially around guys that I find attractive). Outside of my few friends, the only setting where I feel comfortable socially is at my work (I'm a grocery store cashier). I have some work friends but I'm not super close with any. I very often socialize with guys there, but none have ever flirted or shown any romantic interest in me (not surprised). I am currently interested in a guy I work with, but I have no idea how to flirt or show interest in him as I've never once flirted in my life. I know it wouldn't be smart to pursue a relationship with him anyways since I'm moving away for school next month, and also because I just got out of a relationship less than a month ago.

I know many girls who aren't very attractive, but are all getting so much more attention from guys than I ever have (getting asked out constantly, being flirted with, etc). I have no idea how they're all able to do this. What are they doing right that I'm doing wrong? It makes me feel like there's more to it than just looks (which is true), but it's hard to believe because my ex dumped me solely because of my looks. Am I just more unattractive than I thought and doomed to be single?

I'm moving to another state for university and know that I'll eventually need to put myself out there to meet guys. Most guys my age are into hookup culture and casual relationships, while I'm only interested in a serious relationship with the goal of marriage (I desire to marry on the younger end). I also prefer a virgin, as I'm a virgin who is saving myself for marriage. I just have no idea how I'll meet a good guy with the same values as me, who will love me for who I am and treat me well.

How can I put myself out there and gain the necessary experience to have success with guys? How do I make it clear to guys that I'm looking for something serious rather than a hookup or casual relationship? What else can I do to improve myself? I just feel like there is something wrong with me. Any advice is welcome! :)

Thank you so much for reading my post!