When to be agreeable vs assertive in everyday life and dating

Jenneapolis · 2022-09-22T19:57:47+00:00

So when we’re talking about dating, men understand generally that trust is earned. So while you want to be agreeable and show that you are not difficult, it’s expected that you are going to have more “boundaries” in the very beginning. As you both show more investment in each other over time, I believe you should get more agreeable. As a simple example, in the beginning of dating, the first handful of dates, I expect that we plan a time in advance and have planned what to do (Who plans does not matter to me). However months into the relationship, last minute visits with no real plan are fine and I go with the flow whereas in the beginning that would be a “boundary” I’d put up. It’s a very simple example but it’s a very fine line when you start dating between showing that you are agreeable and submissive yet also showing you are not a pushover and your love needs to be earned.

MoreMorbidThanYou · 2022-09-22T07:52:06+00:00

Confrontation is an art form of sorts. It's something that's gonna take some time to learn and be comfortable with, but you can do it, and do it appropriately. The first rule is to not lose your temper, period. Keep your voice at a normal tone and volume, and keep the words you choose neutral. The second rule is to be solutions based. You need to address the problem, and then offer a solution, or make it evident that you are open to a solution. We can use your brother as an example. Instead of explaining why a clean house is important, why it upsets you, etc... You could say "I've noticed that you are struggling to keep our space clean. I understand that it is possibly not a top priority for you, but it is for me. So I would like to find a method to make sure that we both do our fair share of the work." And then suggest things like a chore list or reminder notes. This is direct, but it is calm, collected, positive, and solutions based. Don't veer off into other issues that are unrelated to the topic. Come up with a solution together and then let it end. Men appreciate direct, solution based communication, even if the topic is unpleasant. Like, with your boyfriend, you could say "I'd like to understand what your thought process is in regards to where this relationship is going. I need to see action from you rather than just words. I'd like to work together to figure out what needs to happen so that we can both be happy with where this relationship is going, and maybe hear your thoughts about where I could be doing better as well."

Teacup000 · 2022-09-22T14:42:28+00:00

Here's a post on assertiveness from the sidebar.

It sounds like you're doing a great job being assertive when you absolutely have to be. You just need to do so earlier, before things can build up so much. Make a rule for yourself that you'll bring something up that bothers you as soon as you see it's become a pattern.

People aren't that great at changing their habits, so gentle reminders every now and then instead of one big conflict is the way to go.

I recommend being agreeable unless there's something bothering you. You don't have to be assertive when you're currently happy going with the flow, just when your needs aren't being met. Here's advice on how to bring up what's bothering you and a then a follow up with more explanation.

AutoModerator · 2022-09-22T04:12:37+00:00

Title: When to be agreeable vs assertive in everyday life and dating

Full text: I'm naturally an agreeable person. I don't want to destroy that side of me. But looking back on my life being overly agreeable has caused me unneeded stress as it's easily taken advantaged of especially in the workplace. Ultimately I want a masculine partner to be assertive for my (our) benefit when it's needed and I'll be the agreeable one for his (our) benefit. But I'm still on the hunt for this guy so in the meantime I'm responsible to manage this stress that would benefit from an assertive approach.

I've concluded sometimes I need to be more assertive in everyday life. What's the RPW approach to this? How do I avoid such stress whilst also showing I'm naturally agreeable to potential partners? Basically how do I set and maintain boundaries in a feminine way? Also I'm completely fine and comfortable being agreeable upfront in dating but whilst vetting a potential partner how do I tell that I should stop being agreeable? I do think my agreeableness and empathy leads me to hanging on too long and I find it tough to say if my own wants aren't being met.

Feel free to stop reading here and just respond to the questions above. The below is just me venting.

The last few weeks I've being more assertive to cut back the stress that's built up due to my agreeableness. Damn I find it hard. I don't feel myself doing it, but I think it was necessary.

I ended up quitting my job early (business was closing down anyway) as I realise my bosses wife takes advantage of my agreeableness and she expects me to be cold hearted to customers. My new job is more in line with my goals for the next 2 years and I'm pretty sure my new boss will be fine with me nicely setting boundaries for what is and isn't my responsibility and I think he'll accept the responsibility for making sure whatever isn't my own responsibility doesn't affect me.

I also had a conversation with my (adult) brother who has recently moved into my house. He's going through his own serious issues and renting a room from me is the most logical thing for him for now. I told him he needs to develop better house habits so I don't have to constantly run around picking up after him and explained why a tidy welcoming house means so much to me. He doesn't intentionally take advantage of my kindness, he's working on making himself independent and he has gradually improved the past 4 years. His current house habits are pretty bad and it greatly undoes all the effort I put into home making.

There is also a guy I've been entertaining for too long (he's the first post I made here). He's been reaching out stringing me along with talk of making us work. But his actions don't match his words. And I've all but given up hope. But my agreeableness makes it so I tend to give him another chance when he reaches out. I feel terrible telling people they aren't meeting XYZ expectation of mine and will put my own wants below theirs. I'm torn between the advice of direct communication and the advice that a masculine partner will naturally want to fulfil your wants and telling him he isn't doing his job is insulting. Up till now I've just let this guy prioritise everything else in his life and he'd reach out when he wanted company (context: not just sex). It was always in his own terms and time, and when I would suggest we do something (that meets my wants) he'd always have some (legitimate) excuse of what he's busy doing, yep I know that's a red flag. I figured I'd give the direct communication a go although I wasn't expecting anything positive from it. It made me realise he really isn't interested in my own wants. So I politely told him I wanted a guy who did care and blocked his number so I wouldn't be tempted to give him another chance.

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Title	When to be agreeable vs assertive in everyday life and dating
Author	Redlimetree
Upvotes	10
Comments	7
Date	September 22, 2022 4:12 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xkr199/when_to_be_agreeable_vs_assertive_in_everyday/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-to-be-agreeable-vs-assertive-in-everyday-life.1132145 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132145

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