I posted this on r/married but someone suggested I post here. Based on this what are the chances I get my daughter or any other advice? Thank you

I (38M) and my wife (41F) have been together 18 years, will be married for 13 in March. We both have troubled backgrounds hers a little worse than mine but it seemed we both wanted to "break the mold" and live a different life.

Her family is religious and were part of a cult when she was younger, her dad was fully in it, not sure why they got out of it, but they are still very religious and he runs his own website it still feels very cultish. To this day when we have a birthday he brings his little Jesus loves you cards and hands them out. Her brother has been very verbally abusive to basically everyone in their family, including me. I've tried to be supportive and dealt with it hoping we could create some healthy boundaries.

I grew up very small family. I'm my Dad's only son and my mom had two daughters from a previous marriage. I believe my Mom's previous marriage was physically abusive, I never met my mom's parents. Growing up I would always hear my mom and my sisters fighting and would just hide and keep to myself and learn from them what not to do to piss my mom off so I was a good kid and never got into trouble. This probably created some sort of social disorder for me because I didn't have many friends and never really went anywhere or did anything. My mom would tell me I made her want to kill herself because I was different and she just wanted me to be like the other kids. She was an avid smoker and passed away from lung cancer when I was 19. I learned from my dad that he didn't come home after work until later most of the time and I never knew why. He passed from an unexpected heart attack 12 years ago. Both of his parents passed before my mom did. I have a couple of Aunts but my family isn't really close so I feel pretty alone trying to figure things out on my own.

Pretty early in our relationship my wife allowed me to be in charge of finances, so we put our money together and I would budget it out. When we were close to going over budget, I would politely bring it up and it was typically met with hostility and she would continue to spend and tell me I'm doing it wrong even though I kept a very detailed spreadsheet that counted everything to the penny and would show her. Basically this has continued all this time and we are now in pretty serious debt. I would manage by transferring balances between credit cards and continuing to try to get her on board with coming up with a plan to better handle it.

We have a 5 year old daughter and last year my wife she decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom and I tried to tell her to help me get to a point where we could live off of my income alone and she wasn't having it. I found us a counselor around this time and she went a couple of times but wasn't hearing what she wanted to hear so she stopped but I have continued to see the counselor and still am now. I asked her to go in to tell her perspective to try to help me understand and she did but very reluctantly and only went once and tells me she thinks that me and the counselor are teaming up against her and manipulating her.

She did go back to work for a few months last year and she also wanted to separate finances. We did so on the grounds that we would both still have access to each others accounts. She has gone negative in her account multiple times and I check it randomly and have saved her numerous other times from overdraft fees. She always gets defensive and tells me it makes her mad. She also took over a credit card that was in her name. When I gave it to her it was down to 8k, it is now maxed at 14.5k and she secretly got another credit card that has a 3k limit in December and it is now at 2.2k. She is not working and her plan is to thrift or bake cakes to try to make extra money. She has tried to do these things over the years and it has never been fruitful.

I don't want to leave and have her totally screwed but I cannot continue like this. We have no savings no 401k and I just want to provide a better life for my daughter but I am not being allowed to do that.