I don’t want to write too much because I’ll cry reiterating too much details. I’ll keep this short

I was in love with a girl who was beautiful, seemingly empathetic and introverted, I felt like I could be vulnerable and be myself around her. I experienced being a teenager for the first time with her, I travelled incredible locations with her, had deep meaningful conversations with her every night, lost my virginity to her, made incredible memories that had relieved me of my half-decade long depression, she gave me hope of a happier life. She was literally the complete package in my eyes, her looks coupled with her complex, invested moral compass (or at least that’s what it seemed like) imprinted me significantly.

Two weekends ago the destruction of our relationship, and a traumatic turning point in my life begins on Friday night 8:00pm. I asked her what she was doing that night and she vaguely told me she was going out with friends. I pried it out of her to tell me where and eventually she told me she was going to this fucked up country bar in our city town.

Obviously being a lil sketched out, I told her I’d just come for a bit then leave. She was obviously very reluctant to see me there judging from our chats.

I met her at the bar with her friends and she was very awkward and silent around me, it was clear she didn’t want me around. She wasn’t acknowledging my existence and kept trying her best to ignore me for the night. I was already so shocked at her change of attitude and cold shoulder towards me.

After returning from the bathroom I saw here and her friend getting hit on by these two guys. Compared to my harmless, 5'7 average joe frame, They kicked my ass in terms of physical masculinity. Tall, muscular men with mustaches in tradesman club attire, and their demeanor was vastly more confident, more seductive and sexual, and for lack of a better term, more "douchey". My girlfriend (who was moderately drunk by this stage) and her friend were obviously getting turned on from talking to them and in my mind I was so defeated because I was asking myself "even a girl like her likes these types of dudes?!". I guess at this point I started to accept the lack of respect she had for me in the real world, but while I was deciding what to do I was distracted by a old high school buddy of mine that offered to buy me shots so I went to get shots.

Anyway after I went to get some shots with a buddy of mine I came across there, and upon returning to the dance floor, I saw her dancing and grinding on a guy that was about 6’4 and had slabs of muscle on his frame from legs to arms, black shirt, silver chain, jeans and cowboy/tradesman boots, he was scary, imposing, and had a text book masculine physique. My heart completely dropped at the sight of this shit, but what prompted me to make a scene was as soon as I saw the guy grab her neck from behind and start making out with her . I confronted her and she started telling me I was a bitch and a pussy and to leave her alone, and the guy told me "fuck off you little bitch before you regret staying around us", and my now ex at this point told me the same in agreeance.

I was fuming and tearing up and started yelling at her to get to the bottom of this. I asked her why she was doing this to me, told her she was a lying snake piece of shit that didn't deserve the shit I did for her.

In the middle of my rant the guy she was with grabbed me and dragged me out to the bar entrance and then yanked me to the ground. I got back up and shot for his torso but he overpowered me easily and got me in a headlock, at this point he was uppercutting my face until my nose was bloodied, from there he grabbed me by my hair and head and dragged my face across the brick wall of the bar until my left side was severely bruised, which then ended with him gutting me with a liver shot that knocked me to the ground.

As I was bleeding and in pain and agony I saw my now ex and her friends laughing at me from the side as they had watched the fight. The guy that beat me up ushered them back into the bar and I was left outside crying and in complete shock and confusion as to what had happened.

I called a cab to take me back home and cried myself to sleep for 3 hours.

The following day I discovered that I was blocked by her on all forms of communication and media, I haven't spoke to her since that night.

I'm a little bitch, a short weak little 5'7 man that women will never take seriously.

Do you guys honestly think you can be emotional with a girl and not get punished some way for it?

Yeah, maybe at face value you can cry in front of her, and she'll seem empathetic and understanding. But behind that tender smile, she see's you as weak and that turns her off, so when you're not looking, she'll be messing with more masculine, emotionless, bigger, "tougher" males while you're in fairytale land believing she's being pure and whole-hearted.

I don't want to be short anymore, I want to grow taller. I want to be physically imposing, possess a 'tough guy" appearance, and have people take me seriously because of the way I look.

I'm 19, the golden "20's" are just a year away and If I remain at this weak, short, unimposing stature I'll be seen as a little baby for the rest of my life, and not living at all is a better alternative than living as a door mat for other people.

Every time I recite that memory from that Friday night, the appearance of those men (and that man) is burned into my mind and I'm reminded how much of a weak pussy I am and how I'll be smeared across the floor by bigger males for the rest of my youth, if I don't grow in height myself.

What happened to me has changed my brain chemistry and has offset a very severe obsession with getting taller to the point that's all I think about and nothing else. No amount of therapy or self acceptance is going to fix what happened to me and way I think because of what happened to me.

Fuck this world and fuck women, I don't trust a single one of them. Oh yeah, and fuck the men that facilitate their reptilian behavior. At least if I'm somewhat imposing and attractive I can have some sort of control to how people treat me.