So ill try keep this as short as possible (its a long story). I decided to separate from my wife at the beginning of the year. I am in the armed forces in the UK and we were based about 500miles from our home. Her first initial reaction was that she wanted to quit her job, take our 2 small children and move in with her parents (who live near our home far away) I asked her to stay but she wanted to be with her "support network". She also originally wanted to move into our joint home with me to pay the full mortgage and bills indefinitely, regardless of her own income/job status. I managed to convince her to stay for a few months while I tried to get a transfer. I got a transfer approved (at some detriment to my career) and she quit her job and moved in with her folks a month before I transferred. Solicitors letters started getting sent to get the ball rolling on our custody, assets etc. It was agreed originally verbally that I would have the children 3 nights a week when I transferred, the closest thing to 50/50 I can manage on a shift pattern. Annual leave would likely bring this avg up anyways.

2 weeks after she moved she started complaining about income and wanting child maintenance. I did a child maint calculator online and offered her the full amount based on 3nights a week. She was unsatisfied by this and asked me to add my half of the rental income we get for renting out our house. I called the child maint service and they said its only profit (if any) that gets added to this. I added the profit (even though its not declared) and the amount went up by £5 per month. I paid her and she was still unsatisfied. All of a sudden she decides that my military accommodation (which consists of an en suite room bigger than a hotel room with 2 double beds, kitchen area and separate bathroom) is unsuitable for the children to stay in and that the 3 nights a week will not be granted. Instead I am to have the children every second weekend with 2 "non-residential periods" during the week with no overnight stays during the week during school term since "this will be disruptive to their routine and therefore their education" and that "child maintenance is to be reassessed based on this". I went to the child maint service myself and said that I believe that this was a power move to get more money from me by using the kids. They said that the default is to pay the cost of 1 overnight stay per week if there is a dispute. turns out she contacted them and asked for them to charge me to the avg of 0 overnight stays per night! Until a court order or separation agreement is in place, 1 night per week is the rate I have to pay by order of the Child Maint Service.

I just want to see my kids as much as possible, my lawyer has asked her to provide assurance that I will have the kids 3 nights a week if I stay somewhere else but so far 2 letters have been ignored by her and her solicitor with only offers on the financial side of the separation (splitting on my pension, savings and buying out of the house). I would have taken her to court by now but my solicitor suggested doing some negotiations through letters first since she is completely unwilling to negotiate or discuss the matter in person or over text. Phrases have been thrown around by her like "i am their legal guardian" "it's not my fault" "you chose this" and "i will not be bullied by you" whenever i question her decision or motives. Now I am on deployment for 4 months since December and her lawyer still sent a letter in December asking me to buy or sell the house. My lawyer replied saying i am on deployment so nothing can be done but a childcare agreement would also have to be in place. 2 months passed and its clear my ex is under pressure from her parents and the rising mortgage for something to change, her lawyer sent another letter saying that I am being obstructive and that it may escalate to a court order to force the sale of the house.

This is more of a rant than an ask for help as I know I should just do the whole court thing but has anyone got any other suggestions/advice/warnings?