I am now the sole owner of my home after buying my ex out. I would like to say I'm the proud owner, but that joy has been taken from me by the constant guilting I receive from my ex. She has informed me that her friends don't understand how I could "do this" so I would like to take the time to explain my actions and thoughts.

After a long journey of off n on. Broken trust and betrayal on both sides I asked for a divorce. From our Married quarters in High Wycombe. Although some would assume there would be resistance, the conversation immediately became about spouses allowance, child maintenance and who gets the house.

I proposed to buy my ex out, she however wished to evict the single mother of 3 from our joint home and move in. When quizzed about the affordability (since she would have to leave her job to move) this it was answered that the costs would fall to me as an obligation to the bank and my children. Soon after this I proposed we went 50/50 on household bills, which my ex refused based purely on the fact that I earned more, therefore should pay more, so it was fully believable that the home costs would fall solely on me. Taking into account that 1. I didn't want my children to be taken 600miles away from me. 2. We had a tenant that paid the mortgage in full. 3. Due to covid regulations the tenant would need 6 months notice. 4. My ex and I had incomes we could enjoy debt free.

Tensions were very high at home and it was clear we could never live together in harmony, children or not. So number 5 would be that I would be tied to a mortgage until our youngest (Charlotte, 4) turned 18. This comes with its own complications of if I pay child maintenance and half a mortgage or full mortgage, how could I possibly afford a suitable place for the children to visit their father. I would be lucky to afford rent, let alone a second mortgage.

My ex left her job, took the kids from their school, their friends and moved from High Wycombe 2 and a half months later of her own accord to live with her parents "support network" in Elgin against my wishes. This was not before I offered to essentially not inform the RAF of our seperation so that she may be able to live in a married quarter until she had a job and a suitable place to live. This was declined as she didn't want me to hold any power over her by living somewhere in my name. Having moved to her parents and not the house we joint owned, she has since self-proclaimed that I had her and the children homeless.

I requested a posting to RAF Lossiemouth, knocking my thriving career back at least a few years. I then had to dismantle and pack the 3 bed house and find storage for it in Elgin, which i had to pay for from Aug til July as my ex refused. I was also left to rehome the cats (cheers Graham) and pay for their upkeep, again on my own.

When it became clear (2 weeks after my ex moved) that child maintenace for me to have the girls 3 nights a week(to fit in with my 4 on 4 off shift pattern), my ex self enforced a deal that I would only have the children every second weekend and that "child maintenance is to be updated to reflect this". The reasoning behind this decision was disguised with my new living quarters, the SNCO Mess, which is essentially like a Premier Inn. My ex told me that it was unsuitable and disruptive to their routine/education and so more days would not be given until I moved out...how many more was never specified even when repeatedly asked. She stated that the RAF welfare centre itself declared it unsuitable however after investigation it was found that they stated "only the mess manager would be in a position to comment". The Mess Manager personally wrote a letter stating that it was indeed safe, secure and suitable for child habitation.

The house was valued in September (£50k more than we bougut it for) but by this time the government imposed a no eviction rule until March 23. At this point it was agreed that I would buy my ex out, even though it'd been suggested from day 1. All that remained was the childcare agreement. It took until March 23 until my ex was willing to specify which days I could have the children. In the end I agreed to have the children 3 day weekends every second weekend and 1 night per week, as well as half the holidays. Avg 2.5 nights a week, not the 3 I asked for, but after a year of fighting there was a point where it was a choice of fight for more via courts but at a cost of the money I would use to buy the house or concede. I decided that the quality of days with my children should exceed the quantity of days. This brought CM to £355 from £415 as of Jul 23 meaning the 12 months of fighting to see my children was over £60 a month.

In May/June the financials were settled after lots of back n forwards of my ex fudging numbers and claiming for money she had already spent. In July she recieved £53.5k...just shy of the amount she earned in our 7 years of marriage, let alone contributed. She also gained £22k pension from my military pension pot, adding to her £1500 pension she'd accumulated over the 7 years.

My ex whom remained at her parents house while fully employed and earning £415 a month child maintenance on top of any benefits finally moved into a flat once the deal was signed, announcing now that she no longer paid the difference(£200) of the mortgage after rental income, that she could afford to rent. Which raises the question of, could she really afford to live in the house with half mortgage and additional costs in the first place. And if both were not affordable, how could I be expected to do both? Given I would have no choice if the Mess was "unsuitable for the children to be in"? Once everything was agreed, i contacted my tenant who to my surprise told me she was already looking at a place to move to. She moved out quickly after and i started to move in, in July. My ex who had taken some form of joy informing me that it could be xmas 23 before im able to move into the property due to eviction notices being 6 months was furious when she discovered i began moving in. As the agreeement was signed but the deeds not signed for another day or so, she demanded i let her in the house either alone or with police escourt. Reluctantly i let her into my new living space which felt tainted by hey aggressive presence. She opened every single door and every single cupboard, declaring what was hers, what she wanted and question why i would keep certain things. I stated that i had already put most if not all of her things aside, short of the kitchen stuff which i needed. All the house items were purchased as part of the deal short of her clothes a spurtle and a mixing bowl and so 4 full boxes and 4 bags of stuff seemed more generous than most would offer. After this violation she drove to the solicitor’s and signed the deeds.

And so there you have it. The narrative has been twisted and stories/claims (with no evidence) of adultery 3 years prior to our split and lies have been thrown in to gain favour, weight and sympathy, but I know those of you that stick to this particular subject at hand that my choices were to a put us both in financal ruin or for both of us to have a opportunity to rent or own a home where we could thrive as parents with our children. I know if there are pearly gates, I'll be judged as having pure intentions.