I am in the same sad situation as a lot of guys I have read about here. In short, because it's only peripherally relevant, I screwed up and accidentally impregnated a fully crazy lady just over three years ago. I married her to try and have a family and very quickly discovered she was abusive. In a rage she once attacked me in my bed and in waking up I shoved her off and she got a small cut on her forehead. She kept attacking, I called the police and of course I ended up being the one thrown in jail. After a nasty divorce, I ended up with every other weekend custody of my son.

She has continued making everything as hard as humanly possible. It's been about two years now since we originally separated and I have been steadily working on setting up my life to a place where I can sue her for full custody. I have gotten a great house and am finishing up some schooling to move into a really great job, and mostly just one that keeps me home, as my current job has me out of state way too much. I am about to get married to a wonderful lady with a great career working with kids. Unfortunately, it's going to be another year or so before I am starting the new job, and I don't think I can win a custody battle til then.

I'm worried about my son though. He's two anda half. His mother lives in a horrible dirty rat hole and lives off of welfare and my five hundred a month. She has never worked and her parents pay her bills. She has two teenagers from a previous marriage and they have turned into drop out mallrat kids in the last couple of years. She smokes tons of pot that she has a prescription for, for fake muscle spasms. In these last couple years, she had gotten really into tattoos and just covered herself in skulls and other awful things all over her arms and hands and neck and who knows what else. She has started giving them too. This is her new plan to get money someday.

I just Google-checked up on her, as I do from time to time, and I found a pinterest she has where she is pinning pictures of tattooed toddlers. I need to get him asap.

I will do whatever it takes. I would like to have someone check out her house. I would like to drug test my kid. I want to start doing everything I can to make sure that she is in a massive hole and that I can get him easily when it's time.

Would appreciate any advice anyone has.

UPDATE: Ok, off phone now and on actual computer. So, here's where we are and what we're thinking.

I have a number of recordings of her being wildly insane. During my probation from the horror show of her having me arrested for "domestic violence" she once again attacked me and hit me in the face multiple times for calling her a cunt (ok, I shouldn't have, but she really was being one.) She then filed a restraining order against me and then showed up at my house taunting me. I called her out for hitting me and she said, "Yeah I hit your stupid face and I would hit it again and again, fuck you you can't call me names. I've got you now." I recorded it. When the police officers showed up to serve me with the order and because she had called saying I was violating it, I played them the recording and they decided not to bring me in at all and instead go and have a talk with her. I openly recorded the conversation with the police and them listening to the other recording that night as well and they were very friendly and on my team for that. However, this lady judge decided to hit me with probation violation anyways, saying that "calling a woman a cunt is reprehensible" and put me on 5 days of road crew.

My probation finally just ended. I have been afraid to do much of anything these last couple of years because she always says she will just have me thrown right back in jail and I know how possible that is. Now that I am free and clear, I want to go on the offensive and get my boy.

Here are a few things I am thinking. I want to give those recording to the DA or Sheriff's office, with a letter explaining that since she once had me jailed after attacking me and claiming it was the other way around, I've been too scared on probation that she would do it again, but now that I am clear, I would like her investigated for domestic violence. I want my name cleared.

I want to hire a PI. I am almost positive she smokes joints with my boy in the car. She is legally allowed to smoke pot in Oregon but the custody agreement specifically says that no one is supposed to drink or use drugs in his presence. She is a huge pothead though and I am sure she doesn't care at all. She smoked pot all through her pregnancy. Another thing I may get her on is the tattooing. She is in a tattoo school, but she is not licensed yet and I am sure she is giving some illegally on the side for money. I would like proof of that.

I would like to have her house checked out. I haven't seen it since we separated years ago, but it was already in bad shape and I am sure it's worse by now. It has black mold, bug problems, and she is a hoarder. And I am sure there is pot smoking paraphernalia all over the place. I would like this inspection to be a surprise, so she can't hide the bongs. Do I call Child Protective Services to get this done? How do I do this?

I am trying to think of other plans to get her ousted from that school and get her rundown house condemned. These may be pipedreams.

I want to hit her with all of it at once as well, so I am thinking of waiting another month, to have time to prepare. If I can get the domestic violence conviction, screw waiting a year, I can get my boy now. I will quit my job instantly if I have to, to stay in state and raise him. I would have to struggle for a little til I finish this schooling and get the other gig, but I can handle that.

Is there a good order for this? What am I missing? What else can I do? What do I need to watch out for?

And just to note, my current partner and I live outstandingly good lives. We do not break any laws, we have worked hard on having good credit, we both volunteer quite a bit and are very active in our church and community. I can't think of anything she could peg me on, unless I am missing something.

Awful pictures she is "loving this!" to on Pinterest (the one thing she forgot to block me from, yay!) Image 1 Image 2 Image 3