Super early pregnancy symptoms: to tell or not to tell?

Connec · 2013-05-28T19:35:53+00:00

I'm not sure why you posted this on a Men's Rights forum, since there should be some general Ask Men board. But, since you're here, I'll throw in my (inflation adjusted) two cents.

I'd wait to have a pregnancy test first. You could be putting some unneeded stress on your relationship otherwise. Then, go over your contraceptive routine and try to tighten up any places where you can add more protection.

Is he wearing a condom? Would be the first thing I'd suggest if he already isn't. The more contraceptive options you use together, the lower the chance of this happening when you don't want it.

Ok, so now about your possible future pregnancy. This issue needs to be discussed with your husband again. Wait till you know about your pregnancy one way or the other and sit down with him. Even if it's a false alarm, you need to be absolutely clear what happens in the case of a future pregnancy. You're engaging in activity that could lead to this, and both of you need to be ready.

Hopefully someday there will be shots that men and women can take to shut off reproductive potential or turn it back on, but until then we have to make the best of it.

The issue of abortion could come up. Since you're gestating the fetus, you are ultimately the one who makes this decision. This will be difficult either way, which is why if it is a false alarm, make sure the two of you have a plan worked out for the real thing. This is something that may break your marriage, but you need to be on the same page here, one way or another.

As a guy, I'm not thrilled about having that choice taken away, but at the moment, we're stuck in that situation. In the future, technology will provide both men and women with all the reproductive rights they deserve, but until then everybody's got to make do.

It's a bad situation all around, and I wish the two of you luck in resolving it.

Slam free enough for you?

WeProbablyDisagree · 2013-05-28T19:29:36+00:00

It's really all up to you.

It doesn't appear that you are trying to keep this a secret from him for any selfish reasons. Being honest about it with him when you know something is important, but it really depends on how you define "knowing" something. Would it be more stressful for you both (individually and as a couple) if he had an extra week to plan and/or worry?

I can't decide if I would want to know in his position. When my wife and I were trying for a kid, I wanted to know anytime things changed.

Sarstan · 2013-05-28T20:08:20+00:00

First off, you sound very worried. You should try to relax and not let the situation get to you. I know it's a serious matter and needs attention, but if you act responsibly and think clearly, everything will turn out just fine. So take a deep breath and take it easy.
Wait until after you miss your period by a couple of days. I've also heard that you can use a pregnancy test before this time, but I really have no knowledge of this, so you should research that. Long story short, you'll want to get a pretty solid confirmation of yes or no that you're pregnant before mentioning it.
Why wait? Because if you're not pregnant, you'll stress both yourself and your husband until you do get tested when it's possible you're not pregnant. If it really is straining you that much, however, you can consider letting him know your concerns and (assuming he's a reasonable guy) he should end up helping you out, at least after he's had a chance to take in the info. He might freak out, but just give him a chance to take it all in.
From there, if you're not pregnant, you should take a look at your prevention methods. They're doing their job if you're not pregnant clearly, but if you're worried, another layer of protection would probably be a good idea.
If you are pregnant, you should go over your options. There's several and honestly I'm not the one to go over those options with, but just remember that there is more than one route you can take based on what the two of you want.
Just be honest about how you feel with him. He might not like some of the things you are thinking about, but at the same time it's better to tell him everything than to deny your feelings and then feel resentful later if you choose to do something you don't want to do.

Good luck with it all and keep us posted!

2013-05-28T20:15:22+00:00

I would wait, mostly because of how common failed implantation/spontaneous miscarriages are.

You really should consider having a serious talk about your future with your husband. Kids are a very big thing. If they are that important to you, you're better off leaving him and having those children with someone who actually wants them.

To put this bluntly, you may know that this was unintentional, but if it's been a source of strife in your marriage lately, it is unlikely that you'll be able to convince him of that.

It sounds like you two probably should have broken up. Now, he'll probably pretend to be happy because he'll feel obligation, but he will fester. That resentment will build until it poisons everything between you.

2013-05-28T21:46:34+00:00

I am on birth control but I may have missed a pill (not on purpose, so please don't slam me)

Shit, I used to miss several. I'd be a horrible person if I told you off for missing just one!

I am experiencing a few early symptoms

I did in December. Turned out I was just 3 weeks late. I was off BC by then, but just because you've got some of the symptoms doesn't mean it's a certainty. Just about everything is a pregnancy symptom. :)

Do what you can to not stress about it and wait until your period is due. If nothing, wait a week. Then test.

Agony? Sure is! But you can do it.

rightsbot · 2013-05-28T19:00:18+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

literallyschmiteraly · 2013-05-28T20:31:25+00:00

You have my deepest sympathy. The situation is nearly impossible and I have no idea what I would do if I were, particularly as I would not be willing to have an abortion. It's very unlucky.

I will say that if it turns out to be a near miss, you should split up with him. People who aren't on the same page about children can't stay together, there's no use trying. I've seen people do it and it's lifelong misery and resentment and guilt and punishment.

JoshtheAspie · 2013-05-28T20:47:27+00:00

I would strongly advise you to get an over-the-counter test done now (assuming there are ones that can be used this early), and talk to him about your concerns today. The sooner you tell him about your concerns and explain your possible mistake, the less chance there is of his taking the secret-keeping as a betrayal of trust. From what I've heard, the over-the-counter tests aren't perfect, but it's better than not having the info when you talk to him about it.

Until you know either way, do not continue any of your BC medications, as that can harm your baby, if you have one. Also, make sure he knows you are off the pills before any further sexual relations. Sex under false pretenses could horribly undermine the relationship, far more so than accidentally missing the pill.

Also, if you are pregnant... congratulations! I realize this will be a huge change in your life, and his... but from what parents have told me, in the long run, it's a very exhausting and expensvie joy.

Calm down. If you're going to have a child, it is not the end of the world... it's the beginning of a new life.

Also, if you do take a pregnancy test, and it comes back negative, be sure to still talk to him about what's going on. He deserves to know, and he might find out anyway.

KRosen333 · 2013-05-28T22:50:38+00:00

Great posts guys n gals. Way to be kind and friendly. To op, you seem to genuinely care about your SOs feelings - he's a lucky guy :) like the other posters said the most important thing is to fully talk with him. Communication is key. Try to not put it off for more than is reasonable. I don't know how thingsll turn out but I wish the best for you.

And welcome to mensrights. Ignore the hate if you happen to find any. Also consider /r/askmen for a more casual, less extreme, and more numerous responses.

StCookieMonster · 2013-05-29T01:01:31+00:00

"May have missed a pill" = birth control ineffective.

I think your husband is supposed to trust you, and probably assumes you would have warned him.

While it may not be smart to be blunt, the honest move would be to tell your husband that you think you may be pregnant and you'd like to keep it.

Women might try this thought-exercise to approximate how a child-free man can feel about an unexpected pregnancy: - Imagine if someone you know, like a neighbor, can choose to give you one of their rug rats, and you are to raise them, teach them, nourish them, pay for them, and spend your free time helping them, for at least twenty years, which incidentally means that you will have to work at least 20,000 hours of work just to pay for this, so you will never have as much money, or options, or freedom as if you could invest young.

Would you really want your spouse making those sorts of decisions for you?

Hope I can just help someone understand how frightening a child can be to a person who already has goals for those 20,000 hours of income, and - at four hours a day over 18 years- 26,280 hours of free time that each child deserves.

Sorry if this sounds harsh- Remember your husband chose to spend his life with you.

Title	Super early pregnancy symptoms: to tell or not to tell?
Author	throwaway052813
Upvotes	1
Comments	12
Date	May 28, 2013 6:59 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1f7s49/super_early_pregnancy_symptoms_to_tell_or_not_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/super-early-pregnancy-symptoms-to-tell-or-not-to.1172692 https://theredarchive.com/post/1172692

Comments