Beautiful, loyal LTR. But I still want to pursue others

quicklogaccount · 2017-10-31T21:55:16+00:00

Here's some stuff to think about.

Very few guys regret breaking up if they're in the spot you are. The only truly unique thing you have with her is being each other's firsts, but this will lose value as you slay your tenth, twentieth chick.
Once the "first time" thing comes out of the way you'll see some more wife material roaming around. It won't be many, but it's not rare. There are some pretty worthy chicks man, you have no idea.

I doubt your chick is half as worthy as you paint her, in part because you see her through a veil, in part because you have no comparison and hasn't spent long enough with her for her to turn into a nagging, whining and impossible to please harpy women turn into when they take a guy for granted. On the unlikely event that she IS like that, you'll probably meet at least one hb8 that's a decent woman (still awalt) a year at least. She'll have high requirements, but you'll have them too.

BUT you're bonded to each other with a bond of scarcity. It FEELS like a very powerful and unique bond, it's much more rare for women to develop it then men, and once you're in abundance, you won't get it anymore. The bonds will feel less intense and more rational. What you have with her, you basically just get once (unless you put yourself into scarcity, but that's really bad for you), and you got it with each other.

Ramesses_ · 2017-10-31T22:35:29+00:00

Your LTR is not loyal she's devoted. Devotion shifts with the winds. Women treat all kings the same - like kings. But when the king gets deposed she moves on to the next king. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her. It's just women. And their devotion is a wonderful thing.

Regarding your FOMO. It's harder these days. And don't think for one second she doesn't have it too. You are all bombarded with thoughts and images of other lives thanks to social media. Even the red pill is giving you thoughts of another life you now feel bad for not leading.

The happiest people I have ever seen in my whole life were farmers in rural China about 15 years ago. Satellite TV hadn't hit, there was of course no internet and these people had no clue about what they might be missing out on. There was very little money, mostly just farming and trading. The houses had no floors and they slept on boards. But the smiles and sincerity with these people. Like nothing else I've ever seen. They had nothing to compare their lives to. As far as they knew the world was abundant. That is an oversimplification and this point doesn't answer your question. Just something to ponder.

Some points.

Your status is high right now. It's true that it won't stay that way. It's going to drop off the second you move into the real world and are competing with more well established and more experienced men. Still that doesn't mean that pussy slaying will be easier. Certainly you're holding a good hand... but you have only been with one girl and game isn't easy. I'm not saying you won't slay but I think you might find that in practice there's a bit more of a learning curve than you think.
Your LTR provides an immense amount of intangible value that you are only going to realise when you break up. Her support, her tacit approval. It gives you a feeling of security and upliftment. Even the smallest taste of this is enough to send average guys stumbling down a rabbit hole of oneitis. You ever wonder why everyone is so obsessed with their ex's? She is a lovely girl from the sounds of it. It's going to be very hard to get over.
At first it will be the worst thing that's ever happened to her: tears, begging, the whole 9 yards. You'll feel terrible and think you ruined her life, you'll potentially carry the guilt around for years. Meanwhile a switch will flick in her brain the second she's in fucking distance of Chad. Once she moves on it - which she will, within weeks - the whole story of your relationship will be rewritten in her mind. You will become "the asshole". And likely you will be lonely and she will have a new boyfriend. You'll go back to her via text seeking emotional support, she'll be disgusted and your heart will be broken.
Having said all that (i.e. expect a tumultuous journey) how many marriages work? Even of the people who stay together not many are really living the dream. Next, how many relationships that start at 18 work out in the long run? It's extremely rare.
Worrying that you'll never find another true partner that cares about you? That is lunacy. You earn devotion by being the king. Wherever the king goes he has devotees. You will never find a loyal women but you will find hundreds if not thousands of women who will care about you as much or more than this one. Caring about -and for - the king is what women are wired to do.

Overall it's not going to be a straight and easy path (life rarely is). In the modern era relationships are not meant to be forever. A better approach is just to enjoy your time with who you're with when you're with them and not worry too much about if they're "the one" (hint: there's no such thing). You're heaping a bit too much investment in this girl and where this is going. It could be going nowhere and that's fine. But the urge to fuck other women will never go away. You're wired to be polygamous. Just as her urge to test her branch or prepare to swing will never go away. She's hypergamous.

Another thing I'll say man. You're not running out of time. I'm in my mid 30s and have a huge abundance of women from 25 or so down. I wouldn't be surprised if men like me are doing better than your college hot shots. We're experienced, patient, non-needy. It's very, very easy to be in control at this age. And that's almost 15 years older than you. No reason you couldn't be at that stage 5 years from now.

So my advice would be enjoy this lovely somewhat innocent relationship for now and just let things run their course. The pussy parade will still be there waiting for you whenever it ends. DON'T move this towards marriage. That is a TERRIBLE idea. Just enjoy what you've got while it lasts. It's the greatest thing in the world to have an innocent girls devotion and be her first. The second greatest thing in the world is to have a veritable fucking harem of hot young things after you when it ends.

Wifed_at_age_20 · 2017-10-31T22:31:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2017-10-31T22:33:53+00:00

Generals regret getting married when they're lieutenants.

That said I would drop her on the religion aspect alone. I can think of no bigger abdication of frame than converting to another religion. Religion is literally a way of life, especially if you take it seriously.

Velebit · 2017-11-01T00:34:13+00:00

Converting to her religion seems like the only red flag to me.

You are just having hypergamy and FOMO, that must not be the only reason to dump her.

Moving out of college will mean literally nothing in terms of pussy especially if you are a catch however even thinking in terms of "competing with 25/26 yr olds who are bigger and wealthier than me" shows a horrendeously callous, calculating and machiavellian brain. It's an incredibly shallow way to look at world and plainly wrong. World is not a transparent place where having a pussy gives you a 10/10 view of "the sexual market place" and you get to carefully weigh out all the inputs, outputs, quality, quantity and supply and demand. That is nonsense.

If you get a real job your SMV will, on the other hand skyrocket, especially if you get a good ride early. A 22 y old guy who is already equipped like a 40y old... that is something!

These are the questions you need to ask yourself and give an honest answer.

1.) do I love her and vice versa or is this just the effect of it being the first

2.) are we compatible long term (look at big 5 personality traits)

3.) would she be with me if I had less SMV and vice versa

4.) set her up someone to see if she flirts/gives number/cheats on you (have a fight with her in the same time, push it)

5.) does she have the qualities in traits and IQ that I want my kids to have

6.) why haven't I cheated on her already? if you did than this whole thing does not make sense, just wait out until you find a better catch

let me explain:

1.) many here will explain that love is nonsense but it's really not, it's oxitocin and it reliably shows on tests and affects behavior, part of it is also how good your partners natural body smell smells good to you. if you are merely out of your element trying to find other girls and wanna developt the PUA part of your social skills, I understand that, but the whole point of that skill is to find the person that will improve your life, make it possible to pass on genes in high quality setting and feel like you are living a meaningful life. look at how miserable experienced PUA guys like Roosh V are... listen to his podcasts and when he talks about how life is supposed to be monogamy and his bitterness and unsatisfaction with fucking 1000s of women with certain exploits of female nature he figured out and none of them having the kind of monogamous loyal relationship that is natural to make you happy

2.) long term compatibility is very important, it's not merely "she knows her place" it's about one partner being a messy slacker and the other being an obsessive perfectionist, it's about one being into art and museums and travel and experimenting of all kinds of different things and ideas and the other just caring about his or her church, political party and family, it's about one person wanting to constantly meet new people, make new friends and be partying and the other just wanting to read books and watch movies while eating delivered food, it's about one person knowing exactly what they want in life and what they hate and readily seeing errors in themselves and other people while the other person lives through others and can't stand up for anything but just nods head and does as told without much thinking, it's about one person being chill and relaxed even when worst things are happening and the other worrying and overexagerating everything, realistic or not. This is why big 5 are important.

3.) to find out is she with you out of hypergamy or is there more to it

4.) watch to catch a cheater on youtube

5.) if you have very high IQ you are literally underselling yourself if she has normal or low IQ... that might seem irrelevant right now but you want a woman that can keep up with everything and also you don't want to have your kids have lower IQ than you, you will always be disappointed (this will get downvotes most likely but that is just a fact)

6.) if you are a honorable K selected person, you will not regreting betting on happiness through family and monogamy system of values vs promiscuity, a lot of the buzz about promiscuity is very pathetic toxic people promoting their lifestyle in order to fuck up others lives and enjoying looking them making the same mistakes they did, "redpill" and "pua" stuff included

I am in my late 20ies and let me tell you, after 25 your libido starts dropping off and you don't feel the FOMO about various women you could have had, that is a peculiarity of young ambitious men, on the other hand, majority of divorces happen because of cheating and that statistic is very distorted because of people who remarry many times, most of high IQ people are loyal and most college graduates don't divorce... you have a very high chance to have something good and actually be happy while on the other hand you have a greedy hypergamous panic about all the vagina you are missing out on

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-11-01T01:48:06+00:00

I want a family and children so a wife is mandatory

Not true.

1) we are not the same religion,I will have to convert to hers, which I really really don't want.

Unless they have weird rules - which they probably do, because: religion - who gives a shit what brand of "Invisible Sky Wizard" you believe, er, "believe" in. Just as long as that shit doesn't apply at home, i.e. "Hera sez we can't bang on Mondays" or some shit.

2) other girls want me and I have never been able to just sleep around for fun, which I will regret for the rest of my life. When I was younger I never got girls because I was a typical nerd. Now that I lift, follow RP, and my nerdiness is paying dividends, the amount of pussy I could slay is staggering.

So do it.

Idk if I should leave her and be lonely but fuck lots of pussy.

Who says you have to leave her. Dread the fuck out her her until she will agree to an open (on your end) relationship.

Perhaps I am afraid ...

Ya think?

Anyway, do whatever is right for you. I'm just some guy on the interwebs....

moontripper1246 · 2017-11-01T02:36:49+00:00

I think everyone else here just about covered it all. They've all given you variations of good, solid advice, especially u/Ramesses_.

I'm 21 and in a similar spot as you. Our difference lies in that I've already fucked about 16 women before and while I've been seeing this girl for the past 2 years (open, not cheating). We're obviously different people and maybe you'll be afferent but I've had doubts about being in any for of LTR since the start and my paranoia around it dissipated for about 2 months in the entire escapade. Right now I'm coming to terms with my belief that I'm just not in a place where monogamy makes sense to me. It's been really hard, because I really like this girl and she's really sweet but she just can't compare to everything that game is and I'm tired of doing this half dance of a broken LTR and a half player. Personally, I need to commit to on path or the other and the final act is game winning out. Obviously we're in different positions. I know what game entails, you probably don't know what it's like to get rejected by every girl you go up to in a night and still have fun tomorrow, you probably don't know how to fuck a girl that seems like she'll cling and push her away just enough to keep it casual, you probably don't know how to deal with having legit issues in your life and trying to solve it with women not realizing they aren't the answer to everything. You might have to learn, you might know and I'm talking out my ass. I guess...the issue for you shouldn't be "do I want her or do I want 20-something other girls?" It should be "which lifestyle do I want to live in right now? socially active game or cozy uplifting relationship?" And while none of us here can tell you what you want and what's good for you, we can point out the obvious. If you were so satisfied and content with her as you think you are, why are you even having these thoughts? Just something someone I respect told me when i came to them with the same issue. Apparently when you really wanna be with someone you actually don't think about fucking every third girl you see (I had no idea). Maybe you're not doing that, I certainly am. This was my tipping point that I needed to end this.

1) we are not the same religion,I will have to convert to hers, which I really really don't want

One thing Ive come to realize in this relationship is that compromise is cool. yeah you gotta wake up early tomorrow? I ll help you. You only eat certain foods? no problem I'll learn to enjoy them. You like this kind of music too? No big deal I can groove. But there are some things you shouldn't be bending to. Closely held values shouldn't be compromised. World views shouldn't be compromised. Since your caveat to staying with this girl is to change something she values very deeply I'd say you shouldn't be engaged in something like this in the first place. And come on, there's another cool, sexy, "loyal" girl out there who would commit to you who already believes in your religion. Not saying this girl is hopeless, just saying some things aren't road bumps they're walls and you shouldn't be breaking everything down just to keep a relationship worthwhile and vital.

2) other girls want me and I have never been able to just sleep around for fun, which I will regret for the rest of my life.

Honestly? You will. The more I think about this the more I can see you either morphing into a beta pussy in the long run, or just becoming sick of her and building resentment toward her eventually cheating or breaking up anyways. I could be projecting, I'm not Freud I'm just a guy with his own experiences, but you sound really similar to me. I thought those feelings would change and they didn't, they just built up. Still though, you need to be hyper-conscious about your decision. If you choose to stay with her, know what your giving up to do that. If your going to leave her, know what your giving up to do that. Nothing stays perfect forever, life is about growth. And I've found that watching closely is the only thing that keeps me grounded.

how much harder it gets with women when I will be competing with 25/26 yr olds who are bigger and wealthier than me.

Loll not really. Girls are girls and if your alpha they'll be attracted to you. Learning game is part of the process and shouldn't be seen as some scary chore that you have to do. It's fun, trust me. You're already an adult, these guys aren't "bigger" than you loll they get scared approaching a girl like everyone else, at the end of the night it's who pulls the trigger that wins. Wealthier than you? yeah maybe, but that doesn't matter if you just want to fool around. And they're gonna be hung up on a girl being unimpressed by their expensive car while you're not worried about chicks stealing shit form you as they leave in the morning because why would anyone steal a broken toaster? loll

I'm rambling at this point. I really hope you reply because I feel like I'm talking to myself right now, and I kind of need that.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-11-01T06:59:37+00:00

You've been in an LTR since u were 18? You're 20 now. You're not even a dann adult. You have no business being in a relationship.

Wifed_at_age_20 · 2017-10-31T21:52:39+00:00

Lol it gets easier as you leave college.. you'll eventually want to cheat more and more.

Keep her around, get your rocks off with a plate.

She'll feel the same exact way.

Title	Beautiful, loyal LTR. But I still want to pursue others
Author	Wifed_at_age_20
Upvotes	3
Comments	26
Date	October 31, 2017 9:40 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/79z3dx/beautiful_loyal_ltr_but_i_still_want_to_pursue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/beautiful-loyal-ltr-but-i-still-want-to-pursue.117367 https://theredarchive.com/post/117367

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