My first video, on what drove me away from feminism and towards the MRM. I promise I'll improve in my videos to come!

mtcapri · 2020-01-19T08:35:02+00:00

Nice introductory video!

I didn't have quite the same ostracizing experiences you did growing up (I was bullied a lot, but I usually had at least one friend), but I smelled the bad on feminism as soon as I learned about it. It wasn't shoved down my throat or anything, and I didn't really care much about it at first, but the "girl power!" and "ugh, men" crap reared its head quite quickly, and I realized feminism wasn't the same as the civil rights movement—as much as it fought for women in important ways, it also harbored deeply rooted sexism of its own and fostered it in women. For most of my life, I just avoided it, because it was relatively easy to avoid. But in the past 10 years or so, feminism has gone super-vogue, and now you can't get away from it.

So, I found the MRM. I'd heard all the bullshit, but I figured I could judge for myself, and (surprise, surprise) I found the rumors were largely just bullshit. The only problem I have with the MRM is the fact that it does attract traditional conservatives, who aren't just critical of feminism, they're totally anti-feminist and really do think the world was better off before it came along. But...even on /r/mensrights, they're not actually the majority.

I'm hopeful that the MRM will grow and eventually be able to change the public perception of it being comprised of misogynists. Subs like this one seem like they'll help that happen.

2020-01-19T11:04:02+00:00

Hey /u/thereslcjg2000

You're a braver man than I, posting a video about gender politics and painful personal issues online, so kudos for that. It was good to hear your story and see a human face attached to that. If I can make a constructive criticism on the presentation, maybe you could try slowing down just a little bit in the next video? Sometimes you talked quite rapidly which made some things a little harder to understand. I have the same tendency when I do public speaking and slowing down has helped me in that area.

About your experience as a "socially awkward, geeky, mildly autistic young man" in school, and how your school counsellor reacted: I'm sorry to hear that. It does seem like a familiar story to me. The striking thing is that you expressing your emotions (more in a sad than in an angry way, I assume?) was perceived as threatening.

I do think a large part of that is due to gender roles - guys do seem to have less leeway in "falling apart" and looking vulnerable or even "weak" compared to girls.

So in that sense, theoretically, the MensLib story about how men should have more leeway to behave in "feminine" ways does seem like it holds water. Another sentiment there I agree with is that men need more emotional support groups, although they place the onus entirely on other men - while I think we should emotionally support women AND men as s society.)

However, they always end up refocusing the conversation on women and their feelings, and absolving or downplaying the part that women play in perpetuating this kind of double standard. Some gendered stereotypes are so deeply ingrained that even those who are supposed to be gender experts fall for them, and end up hurting those affected by those stereotypes in the process, especially if they affect groups not usually considered to be "disprivileged".

I think your story fits well into the "Creepiness" thread I made a few days ago - about how deviations from the norm and awkwardness are demonized with the "creep" label or perceived as threatening, and how this particularly affects people with neuroatypical tendencies. I think it is hurtful to be labelled as a threat when opening up about hurt feelings because it's so unexpected - as you said very well, you kinda expect to be made fun of, but being branded as a potential danger? That adds insult to injury, especially when you're someone who doesn't want to hurt people and is already self-conscious. But then what is such an individual to do? Isolate themselves further? Hide their feelings? I think the feminist or MensLib movement doesn't have a satisfactory answer for that situation and the frustrations it brings - people struggle a lot with empathizing with such a situation.

But I'm also glad you didn't end up in a far-right-wing spiral, because far-right-wingers are preying on the insecurities of many young men. And I'm glad you found some validation in this subreddit.

So again dude, congrats for making the video. If you ever feel a need to talk to someone, then hit me up with a private message. Someone else on this subreddit reached out to me after I made a particularly distraught post, and we've had a very in-depth exchange that made me feel less alone. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, dude!

serpentineeyelash · 2020-01-19T14:20:47+00:00

Great point at 4 minutes: "They take an awful lot of time talking about toxic masculinity, but when a man says or does anything apparently caused by it, they never offer resources to help him, all they do is shame him and explain how it's because of his toxic behaviour that women continue to be so overly oppressed."

blueorange22_ · 2020-01-19T16:28:43+00:00

Hey, nice to see you making videos! The more people speak out, the more difference we will make. Lots of people secretly think like we do, but are afraid to say so because they think they are alone. Doing what you're doing helps to change that.

mewacketergi · 2020-01-19T12:03:38+00:00

Welcome, u/thereslcjg2000! I'm curious of what you think about this, the author seemed to have similar experiences: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/

Title	My first video, on what drove me away from feminism and towards the MRM. I promise I'll improve in my videos to come!
Author	thereslcjg2000
Upvotes	24
Comments	5
Date	January 19, 2020 7:51 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/eqtisj/my_first_video_on_what_drove_me_away_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/my-first-video-on-what-drove-me-away-from-feminism.1201263 https://theredarchive.com/post/1201263

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