What is an RPW approved way to get your partner to plan dates? (LDR)

sunglasses90 · 2022-12-26T05:32:13+00:00

Can you plan the dates?

Common_Philosophy_40 · 2022-12-26T08:14:24+00:00

I’m facing a similar issue. Let me know if anything works with you :)

Margareydragonslayer · 2022-12-26T21:00:03+00:00

Awww it sounds like he really loves you with the FaceTiming family and Christmas presents and stuff <3

I think the “red pill” solution to this problem would be something like “rewarding closest approximation”. Ie you initiate/plan a date and then you act all excited, tell him how much you love him etc. etc. Then if he suggests a date idea you follow through with the planning and get all excited all over again and tell him how great his idea was. Eventually, his brain will realize “oh, when we go on dates my super amazing GF is extremely happy and she tells me how great I am”.

Be careful though, in order to do the above, you will need a dopamine “reward” of sufficient strength. Depending on who he is, that may just be plain difficult from a distance. If he’s not responding to your attempts to associate planning dates with good things then be careful not to take it personally. Even though he loves you 100% of the time and is happy that you are happy, he may only get that dopamine hit when he can see you being happy in person.

I think it’s time to let go of the belief that if he loved you sufficiently he would plan all the dates. I think the main reason advice like “he should plan all dates” is given is because in the very early stages of relationships it can be a good way to ensure that a man likes you enough to bother with the logistics. But I feel like from what you’ve said it’s clear that your partner is super into you. Heck, you guys even lived together at one point! Maybe I’m projecting here, but I feel like even though you know intellectually he loves you, you may be having trouble internalizing it. Feeling hurt that he doesnt want to play online games with you is going to lead to sadness and resentment on your end.

(I really don’t mean to belittle you like obviously were adults and we all know that planning dates is not a perfect metric of love… but I know that I personally sometimes feel a little hurt when my partner forgets the little things because my reptilian brain is trying to “measure” his commitment. Maybe you also have a tiny reptile in your brain with a love protractor?🦎🧠📐)

So by all means, reward closest approximation because it sounds like you find dates fun. But I think the most “red-pill” advice of all would be to meet your partner where he is, receive his love in the form he is offering it, and find a way to regulate the feelings of hurt that arise when he’s not super gung-ho about zoom dates.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-26T05:23:25+00:00

Title: What is an RPW approved way to get your partner to plan dates? (LDR)

Full text: My boyfriend is in the US, I’m in Australia. In person he was GREAT at planning dates for the week for us to see eachother.

We did long distance and he did the dates thing a few times only at the start, then stopped. We still text pretty much throughout the day and he calls in my morning (his lunchtime) and his night (my afternoon) before he sleeps.

We went in person again where he was back to planning dates (when we lived apart) and then when we lived together he went back to not planning anything.

If I look into the pattern, it seems like when it’s easy to reach me or hang out with me without effort he picks that option. But how does this guy not WANT to watch movies or play online games with me? It really hurts.

Yet here he is introducing me via FaceTime to his entire extended family, writing me a heartfelt Christmas card, sending me thoughtful Christmas gifts and coordinating with my mum to ensure they’re wrapped and hidden from me, etc.

I’ve mentioned the importance of this so many times, there’s no way that he doesn’t know how much it’d excite me to spend time with him. But I refuse to be a nagger since I already feel I’ve nagged him about this.

Is the way forward to not be available to call /text and only for dates? Tried finding Laura Doyle’s details on this but couldn’t find anything. I don’t want a modern dating take on this, which would just be “dump him” but rather a RPW approach.

Thank you!

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2022-12-27T01:01:40+00:00

I truly appreciate the question, reading these answers makes me feel so much better about being the one to plan our dates. I’m naturally a planner and have often been sad that my fiancé rarely plans a date. But we always do fun things together, and enjoy the time.

Title	What is an RPW approved way to get your partner to plan dates? (LDR)
Author	anonymouse__1234
Upvotes	14
Comments	13
Date	December 26, 2022 5:23 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zvfw67/what_is_an_rpw_approved_way_to_get_your_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-an-rpw-approved-way-to-get-your-partner-to.1213365 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213365

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