When is it appropriate to talk about the future (marriage and kids) when dating?

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-12T00:28:08+00:00

If he says he's "open" to marriage and more kids, it doesn't really sound like he wants them. At 30, you're right not to waste time. I don't think you should worry too much about "too soon" if you've said you love each other, as you imply. If marriage and more kids are on his radar in the next couple of years, that's reasonable. If he's really vague, such as "I don't know" or "some day," you need to consider the possibility that that will eventually mean never.

Jenneapolis · 2023-04-12T00:06:03+00:00

I would start by introducing what you want and giving it a timeline. Don’t demand it from HIM or tell him you have to marry me by X date or I’m breaking up with you but do say what you want and what you think is a realistic timeline. At four months, I feel like this is reasonable to share.

For example, you could say something like (insert your own timelines here): “I’m 30 and I do want children. For me, I think a year is sufficient to decide if a relationship is going toward marriage or not. I don’t think I would stay in a relationship with anyone much longer than a year without a proposal or agreement marriage was in the near future.” Don’t ask him for a response or commitment on the spot but do see how he responds. If he tells you it’s not possible, he wouldn’t consider it for five years for example, then you need to think about if you can wait that long. Or maybe he won’t say anything and just need time to think. If that’s the case, don’t keep talking and bringing it up, just move forward. He knows your expectation which you can reinforce if he asks, but you do have to be willing to enforce it when that time comes and he doesn’t take any action.

couldthisbelove · 2023-04-12T06:05:41+00:00

I have to say, nothing about him says he’s ready for another family esp when the relationship is only 4month old. You’d be shooting yourself in the foot to add pressure when you’ve not met his child yet.

I would focus on spending quality time together and encourage spending it with his child. To me, deep talks are cheap and an indicator of nothing.

I also wouldn’t stress about his ex wife. She has a bf and is doing her own thing. It has nothing to do with you and your relationship.

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-04-12T16:47:06+00:00

Your bf is right, it’s too early to put pressure on about marriage and kids. It sounds like you’re concerned about the mother of his child, there is nothing he can do about that. You know the situation and only you can decide if you’re willing to accept it. You’re only thirty, you don’t have to accept a divorced man with a child.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-11T23:13:07+00:00

Title: When is it appropriate to talk about the future (marriage and kids) when dating?

Full text: I’m 30F, my bf is 38M. We’ve been together for 4 months. We spend a lot of time together and have a lot of deep talks, so it feels substantial even though it’s only been months. We love each other a lot and enjoy spending time together. We’ve met each other’s friends and family. He has a 3.5yr old son and co-parents with biological mother (BM) (39yo). They share 50/50 custody and I can envision that they will always be attached til death does them apart because they share a son together. They have been together since they were 21yrs old and just separated 1.5yrs ago. They have two decades of growth and history together and they share many mutual friends and family (his ex-partner and her current bf went over to my bf’s best friend’s parents’ house for Easter celebrations). I already feel like an outsider. Perhaps this is what is bothering me too.

I can’t help but to think about the future as I prefer to know earlier on whether I am wasting my time dating someone who I won’t have a future with. I do want to have my own biological kids with the right person. He did say that he is open to marriage and kids again the future. It’s just that every time I bring up how thinking about a future with BM is bothering me (I’ve haven’t met kid or BM), he says that it isn’t something we need to be thinking about at this point of our relationship. He says that it’s possible that my relationship with BM will be pleasant. Despite this from him, I am still feeling stressed out all the time.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	When is it appropriate to talk about the future (marriage and kids) when dating?
Author	foreverbrightness
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	April 11, 2023 11:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/12j1ewx/when_is_it_appropriate_to_talk_about_the_future/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-is-it-appropriate-to-talk-about-the-future.1214155 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214155

Comments