Crosspost "Unmasking the "healed" woman" from /r/u_thecuriousorca:

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I'll light your judgment on fire

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Why so many women broadcast their healing on social media and more

In Earth-1 (your earth my esteemed reader), there's a growing trend among middle-aged heterosexual women (approx 30-45 years old) who are taking to TikTok to share their personal growth journey. They talk about healing, self-worth, and their newly established standards for dating men. Interestingly, this often seems to come -according to the stories told by those very same women- after these women have had numerous romantic experiences with a significant number of men over years, without managing to secure long-term commitment from any of them.

As an observing orca 🐳 from Eath-2, I have a hypothesis that this change in behavior is actually a calculated move – a way of turning necessity into a virtue, in order to guilt-trip men into providing the resources and commitment that these women failed to secure so far using their sexual appeal, their personalities and their values (the things that make anyone attractive as a mate).

Remember, I’m a sentient orca from another dimension who’s keeping it real and mostly asking questions about what I observe in your world. If you disagree let me know and I am happy to change my mind if I’m convinced, if you are just offended without reasoning feel free to scream at me in the comments and if you agree let me know why too. Cheers!

The Evolutionary Psychology Angle

Evolutionary psychology posits that human behavior is influenced by psychological adaptations shaped by natural and sexual selection. In this context, women's mating strategies can be analyzed through the lens of reproductive success and resource acquisition. In non-orca words; women want men to provide them with children and to stick around providing financial resources for the household over a long period of time.

According to research conducted by Buss and Schmitt (1993), human mating strategies can be classified into short-term and long-term orientations. Short-term strategies focus on maximizing the number of mates to increase reproductive success, while long-term strategies aim at securing a mate who provides resources and parental investment. (Do you want to guess who is more likely to be motivated by short-term vs long-term strategies in all mammals not just your human species? 😏). As women age, their fertility declines and accordingly their sexual value to men for long-term relationships on average (yes I know there are many very attractive older women but we are talking about general patterns here not the exceptions), leading to a potential shift from short-term to long-term mating strategies in search of committed men who can provide support and resources.

Makes sense so far? I think our observations generally agree with the scientific research cited above, don’t you think?

The Socio-Economic Angle

I caught myself thinking: “But wait a second, don’t women behave the same way even when they hit this age (aka “the wall”) if they aren’t anticipating children? how do we explain that?”. So I went down the rabbithole of the economic rather than the evolutionary & reprodutive side of things. You humans -especially on Earth-1- are quite complex.

Another angle to consider is how economics cause a shift in mating strategy. It is plausible that women who perceive themselves as having limited access to resources or face difficulty in securing commitment from men who would provide said resources might adjust their mating strategies over time. This change could be driven by an urgency to secure resources, which might lead women to focus more on long-term relationships with men who can provide stability and support. And hence switch their “marketing material” to “I have done my healing”, “I know my worth”, etc. (there could be better marketing if you ask me but what do I know! I’m just an orca!)

Gangestad and Simpson's (2000) Strategic Pluralism Theory provides a theoretical foundation for understanding the flexibility of human mating strategies. According to their theory, both women and men may adopt short-term or long-term mating strategies based on factors such as resource availability, socio-economic conditions, and individual characteristics. Within this framework, women might be more likely to seek long-term relationships with men who can provide resources and support when they (women) perceive themselves as having limited access to resources or perceive that this limited access could be a risk in the future (aging, etc).

Supporting this idea, Townsend and Wasserman (1998) found that women's preferences for long-term mates could be influenced by their own (women’s) socio-economic status. Their study showed that women with lower socio-economic status placed greater importance on a partner's financial prospects, suggesting that they might prioritize long-term relationships with men who can provide resources and stability.

Ok, so women who think they might have less access to financial resources are more likely to want men who can provide them with these resources. Makes sense. A bit distasteful in a world where any man or woman can actually work to acquire resources and there are basically no gender-based limits on providing for one’s self but ok.

So I dug in some more and found that research by Fales (a female researcher by the way) et al. (2016) found that women's mate preferences change over time, with a shift towards preferring long-term, committed relationships as they age. This shift may be influenced by factors such as a decline in fertility and the need for increased parental investment, which might lead women to adjust their mating strategy in order to secure commitment and resources from men

They conducted a series of experiments to gather data on women's preferences for short-term and long-term mates.

In one experiment, Fales et al. presented participants with profiles of potential mates that varied in characteristics associated with short-term and long-term desirability, such as physical attractiveness, financial prospects, and parenting potential. The participants were asked to rate the desirability of each profile for short-term and long-term relationships. The researchers found that, as women aged, they exhibited an increased preference for long-term mates with characteristics associated with resource provision and stability.

Another experiment in the study involved asking participants to indicate their preferences for specific traits in a potential mate, such as physical attractiveness, income, and emotional stability. The results showed that older women placed a greater emphasis on characteristics related to long-term commitment, such as income and emotional stability, compared to younger women..

Taken together, these studies provide evidence for the hypothesis that women's shift in mating strategy over time could be driven by an urgency to secure resources. By focusing on long-term relationships with men who can offer stability and support, women might be able to better ensure their own well-being and that of their offspring.

The Guilt-Trip Mechanism

Ok, so now I understood why this behavior occurs, I need to understand the method being used. For those who are new to this concept, a guilt trip is a manipulation tactic that involves making someone feel guilty or responsible for another person's emotional well-being or needs. This can be an effective way of influencing a person's behavior and securing their commitment or resources. Guilt, any form of it, has been repeatedly shown to be a powerful behavior modifier. Several studies -like this, and this- have confirmed that if you feel guilt towards another person -regardless of whether you should feel so or not- they are much more likely to help, cooperate with and even submit to the other person as a form of seeking redemption.

So the trick is make someone feel guilty towards you and they are more likely to give you what you want regardless of whether that’s right or not.

In the context of women's changing mating strategy, the guilt-trip mechanism might involve presenting themselves as emotionally healed, self-aware individuals who have learned their worth and established high standards for their future partners. But the best part of the trick is in the implied responsibility of men of needing healing in the first place. By doing so, they create an image of a strong, independent woman who has grown from their past experiences that you -as a male in the audience- are partially complicit in and hence she is now deserving of a committed, resourceful man. You Mr. unsuspecting listener!

Imagine a woman posting a TikTok video discussing her newfound self-worth, while subtly hinting at how her previous relationships with non-committal men -like you Mr potential mate- have left her emotionally scarred. She might express that she's now only interested in men who are willing to step up and provide the love and support she deserves (Pay attention to the “deserves” part. Not only is it a common staple in these videos but also it’s a giant leap in logic. Love and support are not things people deserve just because. They earn them by being loving and supporting themselves too. But that’s a topic for another time). In doing so, she creates a narrative that could make a potential man feel guilty for a) the actions of “all men”, and b) his own feelings of sometimes not not wanting to commit some women, as if he would be perpetuating the cycle of emotional pain she has already experienced.

And viola! You -a person who have never inflicted any pain on that woman- feel somehow responsible on some level for fixing it for her. Now step forward and present yourself to the altar of providing resources to her.

Have you ever noticed that women on your planet are far more likely to share vague inspirational quotes and anecdotes about self-discovery and healing on social media? Just open-ended supposedly inspirational stuff. She is portraying herself as a survivor who has triumphed over past heartbreaks and implicitly now seeking a man who can meet her high standards and be a true partner. This narrative can make men feel as though they need to prove their worthiness and commitment to such a resilient woman, ultimately guilt-tripping them into providing the resources and emotional support she seeks.

By employing the guilt-trip mechanism, women can potentially manipulate men into committing to them, even if they might not have been initially interested in a long-term relationship. This tactic exploits men's empathy and desire to be supportive, making it difficult for them to resist the pull of a seemingly vulnerable, yet empowered woman who has "done her healing."

I can only imagine that this reality distortion field is quite harmful to your human society on earth-1 because it makes men unable to easily identify the honest, non-manipulative and humble women who actually do deserve the companionship, support and resources in order to raise healthy and happy offspring. Don’t you think?

The Impact on men

Now, let's talk about the potential heartbreak this guilt-trip mechanism can cause for men who commit to promiscuous women. Studies have shown that individuals with a history of numerous sexual partners (more than 10) are twice as likely to have a relationship end in divorce or separation (Rhoades GK, et al., 2012). These individuals are also more likely to exhibit impulsivity, lower emotional stability, and a higher propensity for infidelity. This means that some men might find themselves in rocky relationships that can leave them feeling deceived and broken-hearted.

Ever wondered why men tend to be repulsed by promiscuous women? It's actually an evolutionary safeguard. By avoiding promiscuous women, men minimize the risk of investing their resources and love into children who might not even be their own. This aversion has also helped humanity by promoting long-lasting relationships and stable family units – a vital foundation for the well-being of future generations.

On earth-2 where I’m from, us orcas act the same way!

The Downstream Effects on Children

What about the kids? Well, research tells us that children growing up in unstable homes, where conflict and deception are prevalent, are 30% more likely to struggle with behavioral issues, academic performance, and mental health (Amato PR, 2001). Not to mention, these children may be more likely to follow in their parents' footsteps, repeating the same risky behaviors and perpetuating a cycle of short-term relationships.

But wait there’s more, we established in the previous section that people with >10 sexual partners seem to be twice as likely to have relationships that end in divorce right? So what’s the effect on a child if they are raised in a single parent household then? It seems to be devastating. Here are some examples (although to be clear, this is correlation and we’re not sure it is the sole cause or even the primary one):

  1. Imprisonment: A study by Murray and Farrington (2005) found that children of single-parent families were more than twice as likely to be convicted of a crime compared to children from two-parent families.
  2. Depression: A study by Fergusson, Horwood, & Lynskey (1994) found that adolescents from single-parent families were 70% more likely to experience major depression compared to those from two-parent families.
  3. High school completion: A study by McLanahan and Sandefur (1994) reported that children from single-parent households were less likely to complete high school compared to children from two-parent households. They found that 31% of children from single-parent households did not complete high school, compared to 19% from two-parent households.

For dolphin’s sake!

Conclusion

The shift in women's behavior on social media is more than just a fascinating trend – it's a calculated move that can have serious consequences for men and their families. While the guilt-trip strategy might seem clever, it could also create a ripple effect of pain and instability that lasts for generations. By understanding these hidden motives and the science behind them, we can all strive for healthier relationships and a brighter future.

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Love

Curious Orca!

Posted by thecuriousorca | 18 April 2023 | Link