I posted on Grieving my divorce, my first post ever and you men were so compassionate and human. You all gave me just the support I needed at the right time and I don't even know these brothers, but you reminded me and made me feel that I am not alone anymore. Thank you.

As I said, I am new to this and wasn't aware that I would be getting notifications from others posts, but I have found it again comforting and an educational to read what other men on this Forum are going through.

The most disturbing posts though are the men that are thinking this is too overwhelming to go on.

In my opinion it is healthy to grieve, but some are not in a good place so let me share something I have learned in my past that might help.

I will warn readers now that I expect this to take a few paragraphs to explain and not sure if there is a limit to the length of a post, but if you are not in need of some new skills it might be a good time to stop reading.

Reality, for the rational human is defined as something you can define with your senses, which are: smell, feel, sight, sound and touch. Think about it and I think you will agree.

If you think about the past then it really isn't real because you cannot smell it, feel it, see it, hear it or touch it. Infact, if you ask your ex, your parents, your siblings,friends etc. They all remember the past very differently, because even though it isn't real it does serve a purpose. It can be used by our ego to justify a place in society. We can say to others we are successful, athletes, educated, winners etc and we deserve respect. Again, this is not real though, it is our egos justifying our existence or in many posts why we do not deserve to exist. But again not reality.

Let's now talk about the future. Can you define it with your senses, which are smell, feel, sight and touch? Nope. Infact, clairvoyant people can only predict 10% of the future and they are clairvoyant. This means if we were clairvoyant we would still be wrong 90% of the time. You could choose to be disappointed that your career, marriage, family, friends etc have not turned out the way you had planned or just accept that the future, really isn't real either. You walk out get hit by a bus and boom the future is gone.

So here is the important lesson: you can define the present with smell, feel, sight, sound and touch. That means the only thing that is real is this present moment and therefore we need to spend at least 85% here. You can use the past to better yourself and you can plan for the future, but your greatest success will be in the now.

If you are in a panic, stressed, depressed, frustrated, angry this is your ego telling your body to react in a fight or flight mode.

Someone told me a long time ago, you cannot control anything in life if you cannot control your own breath and that made sense to me. I was shocked though how hard it was to control my own rhythmic deep inhales and exhales without allowing myself to concentrate on anything else but my own breath. Try it, it is hard but once mastered it is very cleansing and centering in a lot of ways.

Next, once you master the breathing try to concentrate on the sense of touch: Feel the air on you neck, ears, palms, arms, and concentrate on that as well.

Next, listen to the wind, the birds, crickets, fan, cars etc whatever is around you. Just stay there until you are purely relaxed.

Great, now you should be out of your head and in the present moment. Try to stay there and observe the world around without judgement. Keep breathing, feeling the air, listening to the sounds and observe the world; realize, that you are part of it. Appreciate the sun, the smells, nature and the life around you.

Remind yourself that you are safe and okay. This should help lower your anxiety and the fight or flight response.

Use these tools and master them when being attacked by life, an ex, you kids, your boss etc.

Your safe and you are all going to be okay.