At the moment it feels very alone and difficult to resist my compulsion to try to save a marriage that my wife no longer wants to make better together. I know, it takes two to lift a couch and my wife won't lift her end.

I know, I need to be strong and resist this unhealthy desire to beg her love to just love just me the way I am and just to please lift the other end of the couch so we can move forward.

I know, I have to recognize that what I thought was a loving relationship is really not mutual.

I know, I just have to wallow in the pain and let the fantasy of who I thought she was go.

BUT, my co-dependent side wants to give up on all my needs, run back to feel something that is familiar even if it is clearly not a healthy; really sick thing to recognize "logically" and still "feel" something so strong that is so unhealthy.

I know, this is growth in the right direction, but it FEELS terrible.

Note: I go to the gym, I have a counselor that I am working with, I read No More Mr Nice Guy, I am cycling, and writing to men for support.