Feminist duality. | MensRights

I do not understand why feminists always cry about work being not distributed among couples. They seethe about having husband who doesn't help them in their chores but still are with back bitching behind online. but why?! Because they earn money for them! whether less or more. They care about money at the end and judge males on their masculine features like height, looks and "emotional stability"?

What does emotional stability means for them? Being not mentally ill or psychopath? No it's because they're seemingly "immature". What are things that make them immature? These are being clingy, obsessive and possessive lmao. Guys overlook these things in girl because they are just happy the got a girl in this competition. These are the traits of girls too but boys don't mind them and think it is cute. They want some specific masculine traits and which they don't like and think it gives no advantage to woman than it is "toxic masculinity".

They scream that men's mental health problems isn't taken seriously because they don't open up about their problems but when they do they're seen as ambition less, insecure and lazy. They can even be stay at home husbands. Women think men are patriarchal and can't do the women's work but those who can do they end up leaving them.

These men will do anything for their better half but they don't care about them and go on ranting about how patriarchal men are and blah blah.

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But is that a systemic issue or a relationship issue?

I genuinely just don’t believe there is this mantra around that men are encouraged to, and justified in behaving like this.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It does. Because ONCE it was socially acceptable. But I would urge people to really consider these days whether a man openly bragging that despite him and his wife working equal hours, he does no chores, would earn anything but contempt.

I think the issue is perhaps that it remains a personal issue that isn’t actioned. So the woman may moan to her friends, but they can’t action it. She may moan to her husband, which may work or not. But without any real threat to the relationship stability, what incentive does he have to stop?

This is not me saying it’s acceptable at all, but rather this isn’t something that women need to look to the state or system to fix, because it’s an issue of personal interactions and reinforcing your standards for yourself. As said; I do not believe there is this social approval that men do bugger all despite working equal to women. If just isn’t there. The man would be ridiculed as being lazy and a waste of space. The “system” and society is doing as much as it can stopping short of interfering in people’s personal lives (which it absolutely should not)

The rest of the journey has to be managed by the women themselves. And yes, that might mean you have to reassess the entire relationship or ask questions about the kind of man you’ve picked, but that’s part of being with someone. You have to be responsible for enforcing the boundaries you hold.

I used to have the converse problem with my wife and I. We work equal hours. I did all of the cooking, most of the laundry, bathtimes and children activities and organisation. When it got to a point where it bothered me, I candidly told her I need her to do more around the house because I’m not happy with our living arrangement. She started doing more. Guess I’m lucky.

But if she were not to, I’d have needed to have been prepared to make my unhappiness known in other ways that make clear the gravity of the problem.

Nagging to a husband repeatedly and expecting him to “one day get it” without escalating the problem won’t do it. It should work, sure. But you can’t appeal to hypotheticals and oughts in a situation where someone is behaving below your expectations of them. You need to deal with the reality. In this case “my repeated warnings are not changing their behaviour, therefore they’re ineffective. What do I do next?”

[–]phineas4 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it has been a systemic issue, definitely. I think there’s been a cultural expectation that women manage the household and do/oversee the household chores.

I’m interested to see how it plays out generationally though. I think the way feminism has played out women got emancipation first, so they ‘could’ do everything men could do but the culture didn’t shift enough to make an equal split of household chores and childcare the norm. I think the current generation of 20-30 year olds have more of an awareness of how overworked their (working) mothers were, and are less likely to put up with an unequal share of responsibility for running the household, so in terms of solving the issue by taking personal action, I think a lot of younger women are really setting their standards.

I’m not convinced that men would always be ridiculed for bragging about doing less. I’ve personally heard a guy laugh with his friends about over-egging an injury to get out of kid duties, and a guy I know laugh about how he’s useless so his wife has to do everything. I think the trope that men are useless and will put pillow covers on inside out or accidentally put the laundry in the dryer instead of the machine etc is used quite a lot by men to justify not taking responsibility.

But again, things are changing, and these things are becoming different as generations move on. I have an amazing boyfriend who actually currently takes on more of that responsibility (for particular temporary reasons for which we’ve both agreed his extra effort makes most sense). So I by no means believe it’s all men, or that things aren’t far more equal these days than in the past. But I do think that women managing the household has been a cultural norm for a very long time and it takes time to change.

[–]Glimmerofinsight 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Feminist duality.
Author	ClassifiedGlans
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	May 23, 2023 8:32 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13pignj/feminist_duality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/feminist-duality.1220050 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220050

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