It's crazy thinking back ten years ago how obsessed I was women. I spent a lot of time in clubs, chatting at communities and worked hard at dating sites. And I meet quite a lot of woman, but never further than dating, some sex and short-lived romance. Thinking I would find someone sooner or later... But instead completely hitting a wall around 25 when stuff like Tinder getting popular.

Today, 33 years old, I haven't been on a date for years. Frankly, I'm not attracted to women my age anymore and they certainly are not attracted to me. Tried things like speed dating only to find myself bored. All time low libido, likely due to longtime SSRI use and porn addiction, and add to that the gap in experience and social maturity compared to my female peers at this stage. I have accepted living on my own for the rest of my life. That's what I'm used to and comfortably with. I don't long for a family. It could have been worse reading some posts on Reddit.

Most of my friends are in the same position anyway; single without much prospect of finding someone in the near future. We still have fun together and can relate. I have a job. I work out. My hobbies still feels meaningful and lately I started experiment a bit with psychedelics. But I must admit, sometimes, especially around my birthday, I wonder if this is what I'm supposed to do for fifty more years. It's not really what I expected.

My sisters both have kids and family, I have ex:s that are married. It doesn't even feel like we are of the same generation. What the f'ck happened? Shouldn't men like us be sent to the front to fight and be killed by barbarians in the name of the empire at this age? I fill no purpose existing in a void. Why am I kept alive by society? I don't exactly think I'm a isolated case. I can't be the only one getting hit by existential crisis. Yet no one talks about it.