I'm not married currently but I'm posting here because I'm a LTR person.

Throughout the last 14 years (time really flies) I've had many long relationships, and they all fell down (mainly) because I lost myself and became clingy and jealous because of my fearful attachment. Every relationship started with me not giving a fuck, just living my life, and ended with me obsessing over the other person like an addict. Reacting to her emotions, thinking about a million different "what if's", using all my time for her, making her my life. I was always trying to balance it or at least hide it, but that didn't go far. I always wanted to be with a sweet and attractive woman, but every time I got her, I couldn't believe it's true and I started to get paranoid.

So last year I met this super attractive girl who was crazy about me, and in turn I got crazy about her. She had access to my deepest emotions and she pushed every button I had like no one else before. Made me jealous, made me offended, made me fearful. She found all my deepest fears and hit me in the face with them. I knew how to handle shit tests and all that, but it was really just a cosmetic act learned from reddit and inside I was hurt like a little boy and just wanted mommy to love me and accept me so everything will be fine. I was escaping my life into her, like I did with my other girlfriends in the past. I always pondered what is she doing, who is she talking with, hope she hasn't found someone else and all that. I was stressed as fuck. But I acted super aloof not to give it away.

3 months ago her behavior had gotten so bad that I decided to pull the plug no matter how bad it hurts. Left her, blocked her, spun some plates. Spinning plates was fun for a week or two, but I had this nagging sensation that a new woman is NOT the answer to my problems. So finally I forgot all about the ladies, started semen retention, started meditation, made a morning routine and woke up at 5. Started handling my responsibilities. I made a Powerpoint presentation for myself of what I want out life. A good wife was the last one on my list; prior entries had things like health, family and starting a business. I had a nice mentality and view of my life, progressing every day.

Then come Wednesday. My ex suddenly came to my door "to talk" , and unsurprisingly, she stayed for a passionate night and well into the next day and we both confessed our love and decided to try again. She talked about male friends and everything but what was different is that I didn't bat an eye. I didn't give a shit. I did give a shit about what she gave me, her company, love and affection. But nothing else.

At one point during the second day she started trying to blame me for something I did during our time apart and started to be a bit bitchy, but instead of taking it personally, attacking the facts and presenting arguments to show that I am right, I shifted my focus to her emotion instead of her words. She felt bad. I hugged her and told her I know you feel bad, I understand you. She started crying in my arms and it all evaporated.

After she left, my mind started spinning and analyzing her words and for example thinking if she had someone else during this time. Same paranoia I had with even the most loyal girls. I could feel her taking over my mind. But this time I saw my internal process like a painting on the wall. I saw that my focus had gone from myself to her, and that my mind making scenarios about someone else's behavior is completely useless to me.

I will never be happy if I keep my energy on someone else than myself, is what I feel now. It will never happen. The moment I put my energy onto someone else, I lose my power and I lose my life.

This new feeling is different from my past self. I feel like I am (figuratively) the only person in my life, and every other person or circumstance comes and goes on their own accord. She could be having the time of her life right now without me and it would have nothing to do with me, as long as she gives me everything I want. And if all my paranoid suspicions were true, I could then logically ponder what my feelings about her being inside this romantic SECTION of my life are, but it wouldn't be the end of me and I certainly don't need to use my mind to think about it.

It's such a strange and new mindset. I love her and she makes me feel good, I love to make her feel good, but I don't NEED her. Essentially I only need me. And me doing my own things, handling responsibilities and living the way I please, is what gives me what I need. People can leave, whole world can come burning down but as long as I'm alive I will have me. I realized I don't need to change my life for her, I can keep my routines and responsiblities and she is a bonus, not a necessity.

Currently I am going from side to side. My old mind taking over with it's fear and paranoia and my higher self catching it and returning me to my own energy and life.

So is this what frame means? I've read about it a lot but never seemed to integrate it. Any pointers?