I almost feel like I’ve been taught to be only non-combative or non-diffident to women which it’s good not to be combative all the time, but this applies to even if said women disrespect me. This means whether it’s women assaulting me, harassing me, or are saying sexist things about men or to me in HS, I feel like I’m taught to never hit back, to hold my tongue to those women because it’s centering, and I always have held my tongue, no matter how many misandrist comments I hear women say right in front of me at school or mock me one time just for existing.

Of course this isn’t true, because if I told my parents about my experiences they would tell me to let them handle it, but sometimes I want to be able to freely handle any situation where someone is disrespectful to me or puts their hands on me, but I have only ever been able to attack back if it’s a male hitting or putting their hands on me.

Anytime you talk about women hitting you as a man, you’re always lectured by your mother that you should never hit back, though in my case the reasoning is either “your’ll hurt her” or “your get in trouble” which I do agree with tho I remember years ago getting into a fight with a girl in middle school because she pushed me, and that got me into huge trouble with my parents. The one time I ever irl spoke up live against a woman saying something sexist, was my mother saying a comment that triggered me when she said that men are dangerous, and that got me argued out for it, and it hurt.

I apologized to make sure there was no bad blood, but regretted apologizing and backing down. What’s really triggered me however was my graduation yesterday, as yesterday was my HS graduation, and my mother wanted me to wear a blue suit underneath the gown. I kept asking her about it on the day of the graduation that I didn’t want to wear it because it was hot, and she got frustrated and yelled at me for it, because she thought then I’d look like a whitewashed white bum for it and did it because I saw other white kids doing it. Again, one of the few times I’m ever defiant to a woman, and stick up for myself by not wanting to wear the jacket suit because it was too hot and hot outside and in the building, I’m yelled at for it. . She apologized, and explained all of her strange race stuff as to why it was important I wear the jacket, but I really think I need to stand up to people more, both men and women, though I stand up more to men.

TLDR: it feels like I’m taught to not stand up for myself if a woman says something to generalize me via sexist comments or assault, and take whatever she does and not do anything back, because it’s wrong for me as a male to do anything or say anything back to a woman that does something wrong to you. I hate it.