I am reading Laura Doyle’s book, Surrendered Wife, and have come across the chapter on heart messages. I’m having trouble finding what my husband is trying to tell me, and I want to be able to respond appropriately.

Last night, he was putting our toddler down for bed, and I was getting our newborn through the witching hour (which has been really hard these last couple of weeks). The dog came down to the basemenT, where me and the newborn were and started running around, squeaking his chew toy, and made the newborn cry louder. Unfortunately, the dog doesn’t listen to me at all, so my husband came down after putting the toddler down and got the dog to stop. He was annoyed and was like “everything you do becomes my problem, useless.” I do, do things around the house and when we are in a good space he will say that I am a good mom or I do keep the house organized, etc. We had been arguing that day already, because I’m on maternity leave and he says I have two jobs: take care of the kids and take care of the house. I do take care of the kids and the house is very well organized so I didn’t understand why he kept saying it, I asked him to provide more information on what I wasn’t doing, and he said I need to calm down and be less anxious.

Ultimately, I responded to “Ouch” last night and he went off and did his own thing. I left him alone, didn’t argue. He slept on the couch, and I want to this morning be able to build intimacy back, and try to say what he is getting at. Is he wanting to be more appreciated? This morning at breakfast do I say - I really appreciate all of the work you put in and do for our family. We wouldn’t function without you around to help out. Or am I missing what the heart message actually is?

Thanks!