We both lost our jobs. How can we go upward from here?

ActuallyASwordfish · 2023-11-02T00:32:36+00:00

Awh l have no advice here but I’m wishing you luck as you navigate this. Perhaps there is some information if you search this subreddit for the word “inspiration?” I imagine inspiring him to want to search for a job and be a provider would be a good start… not nagging but providing him with an environment in which he wants to work. Perhaps even bringing up the budget and discussing rebid getting casually? I’m not sure :/

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2023-11-02T01:57:23+00:00

Hi! :)

It sounds like he might be going through a spot of depression, or burnout. Most men when laid off (and are mentally healthy) will quickly claw back into something, anything, to keep their family afloat and land back on their feet. As you mentioned at the bottom of your post… it sounds like something internally may be holding him back.

Is he jealous that you get to focus on school? Does he really want to carry the whole financial burden again, or has he grown accustomed to a 50/50 split?

Some men need to see real hardship/financial stress to get motivated. I would draw up a financial plan and demonstrate that you are close to losing the house or not being able to pay your mortgage, if you are burning through savings. Draw a straight line to zero if you have to, and show that you have x number of months left of savings if neither of you makes a wage. This could help to motivate him with facts, instead of nagging. 💕

He may also need some therapy, or to talk to some of his other guy friends who are currently successful to reignite his spark. As you mentioned, I would not be naggy with him… but I would also make sure to give him the facts about your situation sooner than later.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-01T20:35:35+00:00

Title: We both lost our jobs. How can we go upward from here?

Author purpledots143

Full text: So last week, I got notice that our entire company is shutting down, and today is my last day. It was incredibly bittersweet having that last call with all of my coworkers knowing that we all put in our best. This is tough on me since I went through a lay off in January, but managed to find this new job in April, but lost it today since the company ran out of funding for the next year. The bright side is that I can take some time to relax, prep for my new role, and focus on school (I am in school full time now too).

My husband got laid off in July, and has been looking for a job since then. This job market has been extremely tough given the current economic climate.

We've been married for 2 years now, and both pay into a mortgage for a home. When he was working, he was covering a majority of the bills. Now, everything is split 50/50.

Now for the dilemma..

I honestly don't know how long he's actually spending for a new role. We agreed that when he finds his new job, he will be the one that starts to take care of a majority of the household expenses so that I can focus on finishing school. It just feels like looking for a new job is not his top priority now. He's burning through his savings, and every time I walk into his office, he's playing video games. I don't know how to ask him what he's doing, because every time I bring it up, it feels like I am nagging him or constantly on him. I stopped asking him what he's been doing all day 2 months ago.

I really have no idea what to do. I understand that the tech market right now is atrocious, but it also feels like he's not putting in as much time or effort on his job search as I am, or I did after my first lay off this year. He keeps talking about going on vacations, and things we can do once he lands a new role, but it just is frustrating hearing all of that when I don't see anything else happening.

A part of me wants to know if there's anything I can do, but a part of me also knows that the motivation needs to come from within him. Any advice?

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FancyPants882 · 2023-11-02T17:24:29+00:00

He sounds like he could be depressed. I'd suggest approaching the issue through that lense. Having said that, here are some other things that could help that Laura Doyle talks about....

In terms of how to get him on board with the financial situation.... How much visibility/control does he have over the finances? It's important that he feels financial responsibility as this will help motivate him to fix any financial issues that arise. Handing over complete control of the finances to him will let him see the money in and money out equation and feel the weight of the dwindling savings.

Also you need to let go of feeling responsible for him gaining employment. He needs to lead this. Try to support him with spouse fulfilling prophecies such as, "You're so skilled at x profession, I'm sure you'll find the perfect job".

LiteratureOk7716 · 2023-11-02T18:02:39+00:00

You just got laid off, my dear. He's been out of work 3 months. When I lost my last job, /u/murkyperspective767 -- my husband -- put up a calendar and put "Apply to job" every Friday evening after he came back from work. It helped give my day structure and we both learned how to craft job applications -- his employment is relatively secure, but he still applies to a job per week, just in case. We still have Wednesday evenings set aside for sending out a job application.

For most of us, having a structure around a given goal helps make it manageable. When I was young (around 10 or so), I decided I wanted to get married and live in a place called "London". Sitting in Menlo Park, California, I had no idea how I would accomplish either, but ended up accomplishing both.

I had the end destinations and the starting point, but hadn't filled in the path to get there. If you (or husband) need help, please reach out to either of us. We are here to help others, after all.

Aashna94 · 2023-11-03T19:17:04+00:00

You could sit him down and gently express your concerns while making it clear that you're not passing judgment on him. Marriage is about being a team and working it out together patiently. If he doesn't understand after the first talk, don't give up. Keep trying with a gentle and firm manner. Don't yell at him or accuse him of slacking. It's all about bringing him to a solution based mindset and motivating him to take action rather than just talk fluff about the future.

Title	We both lost our jobs. How can we go upward from here?
Author	purpledots143
Upvotes	10
Comments	7
Date	November 1, 2023 8:35 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/17lllcb/we_both_lost_our_jobs_how_can_we_go_upward_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/we-both-lost-our-jobs-how-can-we-go-upward-from.1236983 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236983

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