Dealing with loneliness

autistic_cool_kid · 2023-12-05T09:15:34+00:00

I'm sorry for your pain. This is when a good IRL support group is needed.

Turn to your friends and family and try to spend more time with them. It can be as dumb as a 30 min zoom call in the evening. They'll be happy to be there for you.

It's good that you recognize you're suffering and are trying to act on it. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your loved ones and tell them how you feel.

aquatic-dreams · 2023-12-05T13:39:08+00:00

You're under thirty, dude you're golden! She did you a favor, you just can't see it yet.

Mix that rinse repeat shit up. I'm guessing, it's during your food/chill time you start to feel lonely and bored. So that's where you need to start fucking shit up. After the gym, go to a coffee shop and do the crossword in the paper. Another day take yourself to ice cream. Basically, figure out what shit you enjoy doing for you. Did you used go to amusement parks, movies, ect? what shit did you do for you? What shit do you have no interest in ever doing again? If you're thinking IKEA, high five;p But yeah, start testing that shit out. Figure out what you enjoy these days. It's not all going to the same things as before your marriage, you've changed, and it's awesome!

The next thing... Look at meetup.com and see if anything in your area seems interesting. If it does join, attend a meeting or two. You might make a couple friends, or a nice way to kill a wednesday evening. Look on dischord too, at least where I'm at, dischord is like a more interesting meetup, with get togethers like hiking, to streaming movies, it's awesome! So look there too. Check for volunteering too. It's a good way to find a little purpose and depending it can get you around more people too. You might also want to think about getting a pet. That way you've got something to cuddle with, talk to, take care of and be distracted by that isn't another person.

And if you're struggling that hard at work ask yourself why. You're demotivated, is it because you're depressed? Or is it boredom masking as depression? Combination of the two? Change your work wardrobe a bit, if you've got a uniform get new shoes. Listen to different music on your way to/ at work.

Your mind believes what it hears the most, and you control what it hears. Use it. Tell yourself, your doing better everyday. You're moving forward. Things are getting better. Since she left, I am so much more at peace. Stuff like that. Whether you really believe it not, it doesn't matter. Your brain will latch onto it if you're consistent.

You have nothing to be sorry for. We are here to have eachother's backs. I'm sorry you're struggling and have to deal with this shit. But you'll get through it and you will be stronger and happier for it.

MrInbetweenn01 · 2023-12-05T16:10:57+00:00

One day you will forget that feeling of connection and end up being content without anyone else.

Actually just saw your age, under 30, you have plenty of time to meet someone knew if that is what you want.

I divorced at about 40 and spent most of my 40s re living my 20s but it was about 4 times as much fun and more hectic and now I am 49 I have been alone so long now that while I remember what you are talking about, I no longer miss it.

In some ways that pain of someone you believed had your back no matter what turned their back on you as if you were an inconvenience. Personally, I am not willing to go through that feeling again for anyone even if their is a chance it may work out OK.

The other disadvantage is women my age all remind me of my own mum as in there is a negative attraction towards them and the young ladies in their mid 20s are certainly not lining up anymore even after I lecture them on age being just a number.

My only hope is there is a revolution where AI and sex robots merge and the chaps at the retirement home can all chip in for a self cleaning Instagram hottie 3000 sex robot that is indistinguishable from the real thing and we can just pop it in the cleaning cupboard when not in use.

Reflog1791 · 2023-12-05T17:16:36+00:00

I picked up golf and it solved all these issues. Men’s club meets once a week (twice when the days are long). So many hilarious new friends of all ages.

I too am extroverted and found myself as the unofficial honorary welcoming committee for new members. It may seem trite but I enjoy using my talent of making new friends quickly and helping people feel welcome. It brings me joy and I feel like I’m using my talents for good. I got decent at golf along the way but that is secondary to all the other benefits of golf. Nature, competition, sportsmanship, camaraderie, to name a few. A not so obvious benefit is golf keeps your mind busy. It can’t be perfected and building skill is different than other sports.

I bounce out of bed on Saturdays with a big fat smile on my face every week.

If you haven’t tried golf, I urge you to try it. You have plenty of time to get good at it. You can play it your entire life. Like I said I’m decent but 70 year olds beat me all the time.

Golf road trips with buddies are the most fun I’ve had my entire life.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-05T18:54:56+00:00

Now is your chance to spend time on you. You need to do some mental housekeeping to build yourself back up. Gym is 50% of the battle; therapy is the other 50%. Get yourself into therapy before you go dabbling in the dating world again.

You are still a complete person without that partner by your side.

Title	Dealing with loneliness
Author	Substantial_Start845
Upvotes	9
Comments	6
Date	December 5, 2023 8:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18b79cs/dealing_with_loneliness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dealing-with-loneliness.1240066 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240066

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