Should I soft or hard next her?

I admittedly have ONEitis for a girl who I met on tinder, yet goes to school out of state. We have a total of 9 months invested into one another yet only one date to show for it due to the distance being an issue.

We’re obviously not exclusive because of the distance. She began shit testing me by eagerly telling me about other guys. Afterwards this is when I clearly stated the boundary. We won’t be discussing this because we’re not friends, I’m not your gay male girlfriend or emotional tampon. She claimed she understood where I was coming from.

She just sent me a snap of her out, walking home from the bar, touching heads flirtatiously with another guy. I know the motive was to make me jealous/hurt me. This is now the 3rd or 4th time she’s disobeyed the boundary after clearly stating how I feel.

I am currently ignoring her completely. Should I just soft next her? Or ghost her forever? I want to fuck her, but I also want to walk away with what little self respect I have left from this ordeal

[–]chachaChad2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Blackhawk24791 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Well there is a ton of context behind this story, but I summarize it, we talked for 7 months in 2016, managed one date in that time (distance constraints with her being out of state) and we hooked up (although no sex). Even now, she continues to reference this date, saying all the things she remembers, how hot it was when I did XYZ, how she wished she let me do so much more, she was on her period at the time, etc. Flattering but I don’t read into the “I was on my period” stuff too much. Anyways, we continued to talk afterwards until she ultimately ended things.

I moved on and didn’t contact her once for a full year. We matched on tinder and she reached out first. She’s been initiating contact with me everyday since. She texts, snaps and calls me multiple times each and every day. This is not a friendship by any means, the interaction is highly sexual at all times.

Now i know it’s ridiculous to put even this much thought into a long distance thing, but she is a great match aside from these shit tests. Our compatibility, chemistry, sense of humor, everything is a great fit. I say this with a good deal of confidence having talked to many chicks and being disappointed in their bland and unenthusiastic personalities each and every time.

We did discuss a relationship before. I told her if she was home and the circumstances were different I would have made her my GF a long time ago. To this she said “and I would’ve said yes”.

I know this is justifying and whatnot but I also want to give a clear indication of the situation. I do not want to make the mistake of taking advice from someone who doesn’t fully understand the backstory. So the context is important

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, exactly that and on several occasions. I told her in 2016 after she first started up with her shit tests and eventually apologized for them. I made it clear that I’m not in this to be buddies. Aka: sex, or a relationship.

I reiterated it to her after we started talking again. She said something about how I was “important to her”, and I immediately called her out on it and said it sounds like you only saw me as your therapist. She said that she absolutely didn’t mean it like that and to not worry, she doesn’t see me as her therapist (basically she eluded to the fact that she knows we’re both in this with the possibility of a relationship being the end goal. Except she won’t flat out say it because she has a huge ego)

This comment was brought up again at a later time and she told me how she immediately regretted saying “important” because she knew how it came off and she didn’t mean it like that.

And agreed. She absolutely loves the attention I give her (and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it back. Truthfully I think we’re both just addicted to the notifications). She doesn’t seem to have her mind on a relationship. She never brings it up, and I certainly don’t want to play the female role more than I probably have and be the one to bring it up

Title	Should I soft or hard next her?
Author	JerryLawlerPigFace
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	March 5, 2018 9:34 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/829knt/should_i_soft_or_hard_next_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/should-i-soft-or-hard-next-her.125148 https://theredarchive.com/post/125148

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