Very unhealthy mindest about dating

aterrifyingfish · 2022-06-30T04:42:56+00:00

I wrote up a reply that ended up being way too long so just bear with me here.

None of this is new. It's not unique to modern dating. The only time/place where the things you're describing would be irrelevant would be in societies with things like arranged marriages, which is a whole other nightmare you probably don't want to have to deal with.

A lot of the other stuff you're saying are false beliefs you've put in front of yourself to make the process seem so daunting to prep yourself for giving up. It's a maladaptive coping strategy. For instance:

I don‘t want to have to talk to several girls just so I don‘t act needy with the girl I actually like.

You don't have to do this, and there are few things wrong with this mindset. You can't "actually like" someone without really knowing them on a deep level. You can't know them on a deep level unless you end up being intimate with them in some way. (Or after years of friendship but I'm not even going to go there). If you're falling head over heels for some girl you think is cute, it's probably because you have low self-esteem. You don't view yourself as worthy of other women, so you start putting all your eggs in this one basket and start viewing her as "the one" despite not really knowing anything about her. You should view her as interesting, pretty, nothing more until you get to know her. Be realistic about this and think logically. Make your move without writing some ridiculous love poem for her. You're interested in her, you want to get to know her, maybe you'll like her, maybe you won't. Nothing more.

I don‘t want to worry about moving too slow and another guy fucking her just because he moved faster.

In modern society, the woman sets the pace of sexual progression. You should always be pushing; she should be giving you signals whether to proceed or to slow down. The man is the known quantity here, you're expected to move things along. That's just the way gender dynamics work, I'm sorry, you just have to become comfortable with this. You shouldn't be pushing because you're worried about another guy fucking her. That's, again, a defeatist attitude indicitive of low self-esteem. You should be pushing because you want to have sex with her. I'm assuming that's the whole reason you wrote this post. You want to have sex/be in a relationship with/get married to whatever with women. You want to become intimate with them. THAT should be your reason for pushing. The last thing you should be doing when perusing a woman is thinking about other guys. She's with you now, worry about you and her.

I don‘t want to have trust issues and never trust what a girl claims (like body count for example.)

The example you gave is just about the most ridiculous one you could come up with. The number of different penises she's put into her body has just about zero bearing on anything, (unless it's like 1000 which would indicate she's a prostitute or porn star). Look into your mind and analyze why that matters to you. I think you'll eventually sense a theme here. Low self-esteem. As for trusting what girls claim, they're people just like anyone else. They lie, they're honest, whatever. If you get to know someone you'll get a pretty good sense of their character if you're paying attention. You still may be lied to though. That's why it's called trust, not beingabsolutelysureinevergetcheatedon. You have to just put your emotional well being in someone else's hands when you're in a committed relationship. That's kind of the whole point. Otherwise, you'll both be miserable.

I don‘t want to play games to keep her attraction high, but it works. I hate that even though I‘m pretty attractive I have to approach women just to have many to talk to, while every average girl just has abundance because there are 100 thirsty guys that want to fuck them.

You don't have to play games. You have to be confident, honest (with both yourself and the people you're perusing), well calibrated, and willing to go after what you want. If you're constantly worrying about her attraction level, counterintuitively, you're going to lose it no matter what. Just match her energy, and don't put more into a relationship than your partner is willing to. That's literally it. If texting you back isn't a priority, then texting her back shouldn't be a priority. If she's not firm about plans, don't feel obligated to keep plans if something more interesting comes up. If she flakes, stop trying to hang out with her. Those aren't games, those are protecting your emotional well being. As for the second part, you know that's not true. She might have a ton of matches on tinder, but sex for women is not the same as sex for men. If a woman picked a random person they found attractive and just had sex with them, they would almost certainly have a wasted half hour at best, or a terrible, traumatic experience at worst. Women don't have sex with men solely because they find them physically appealing. If they did, people wouldn't get anything done because they'd be constantly having sex all day all the time. They mostly have sex with guys that they feel not only attracted to, but safe with, and who they respect. Guys like that are extremely rare for most women.

Think of it this way; if you wanted to, you could have sex with 100s of women too. Just find the kinds of women that most men find completely unappealing and give them attention. You don't want that, just like women don't want the "100 thirsty guys that want to fuck them." Its pointless for them.

Instead, focus on becoming a man that women respect, feel comfortable with, and are attracted to.

Most of what you're complaining about boils down to self-esteem. It sounds like you don't feel worthy of most of the women you're going after. It can help to internalize the idea that you don't need women. Like, at all. You don't need them to survive, you don't need them to be successful, you don't need them to be happy. There are men who were virgins their entire lives who were happy, content, productive, and contributed to society. Women are a nice to have (in fact, with many of them, you'd be far better off without them in your lives). So when you feel like you blew it, or you get rejected, or you're worried about fucking some relationship up and its causing all kinds of anxiety, just remember, you don't need her. You'll be fine without her, and even if you never attract another woman again in your entire life (unlikely, but possible I guess), that doesn't mean that you're a failure, or that you're doomed to be unhappy, or that you're not good enough. It's a completely optional part of life.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-06-29T21:46:28+00:00

Having options is a beautiful thing, putting all of your energy into one girl before you’re in an actual relationship is a mistake.

Pop_Zestyclose · 2022-06-30T07:15:41+00:00

Ok to be frustrated, but work on being a better person and don't go the incel route. Your claims that an average woman can have lots of partners are grounded in your frustrations and not facts. Don't overgeneralize everything because you're upset.

Sup3rHD · 2022-06-30T10:44:12+00:00

If u deal with shit women, this is what happen

Title	Very unhealthy mindest about dating
Author	Throwdatshitawaymate
Upvotes	4
Comments	5
Date	June 29, 2022 8:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vnow12/very_unhealthy_mindest_about_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/very-unhealthy-mindest-about-dating.1255705 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255705

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