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[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is what I've been trying to achieve, too. I know a few guys who are really good with women, but they never do cold approaching. I think it mostly comes down to being well groomed and a good flirt. But flirting well seems to be a very nuanced subject
[–]timmerdetimmieb 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Why would you say it is nuanced?
[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn't call myself a master flirt, but I've been observing and learning from guys who actually are. It seems to be a delicate balancing act. To be a good flirt you want to show your desire to the girl, but be subtle and playful about it. You never want to put all your cards on the table. Keep her at about 80% sure you actually want her and aren't just playing with her/being nice. Leave some space for her to be a bit nervous and do the chasing herself. Guys usually either play too scared, not showing their desire enough, or just drop the ball trying to skip the flirting phase. I actually think flirting might be the human equivalent to a mating dance. If you're the only one dancing, you're loosing. You want to do your moves and leave enough space for the other party to do theirs
[–]timmerdetimmieb 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why tf is this so complicated. I have a feeling that in the past these things just happened more
[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I actually think this should be an instinct. Children are naturally good flirts. Young(healthy) boys like getting attention from girls even before they actually develop a sex drive. Sometimes they even date or kiss a girl before they even know what sex is. I've seen young boys pull hair of a girl they like , or steal her school supplies and make her chase them, or call her funny names and much more.Of course, the difference between play and bullying is the intensity, but that is something that has to be learned. The problem seems to be that many had this playfulness beaten out of them at a young age. Especially in school. Many others had a traumatic childhood and became isolated from their peers. The result is an adult man who doesn't know how to interact with women, because he has never developed his instinct. But some do manage to escape this fate, and these guys become naturally good with women. They often don't even know how they do it, it comes like breathing to them. I have the incredible opportunity to know a guy just like that, and this is what convinced me that pickup advice is contrived nonsense
[–]vardarac 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I caught wind of some of your other comments and am interested to know what sort of pickup advice you consider to be nonsense. Far as I can tell some of the mindset/tonality advice I see seems to line up with what you're saying (be playful yet challenging).
Of course there are many divergent or even opposed schools of thought but I am interested in hearing what you have to say.
[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree there are many schools and there are some bits and pieces I think are good advice, such as be well-groomed or don't be needy.
And then there's advice that (I personally) think is downright harmful. Such as negging, pushing for sex on the first date, refusing to pay for the date, treating objections as "shit tests", avoiding emotional connection, trying to be a "bad boy", pushing for escalation, gimmicks, general red-pill advice.
There's some advice that, while not directly harmful, just doesn't seem very effective, such as cold approaching, "being direct", peacocking
And perhaps most importantly, the general mindset of seing women as some sort of an obstacle to sex that has to be "gamed". Or the harmful notion that it's all about you as a man, because you aren't handsome/rich/famous/muscular enough
[–]Hook_me_up 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That would only ever work if you have an extremely large social circle and people know who you are/women have heard DHV stories about you.
In real life the occasion where you organically meet a woman with whom you have good chemistry is very slim. And even then, if you dont like her/she don't like you, finding ANOTHER girl organically is even more rare.
[–]timmerdetimmieb 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That sucks
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[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]timmerdetimmieb 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]timmerdetimmieb 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]vardarac 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Optymistyk 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hook_me_up 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]timmerdetimmieb 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link