I feel like everything I do is meaningless and a waste of time. I especially feel this during holidays. Any holiday increases my depression and sense of meaninglessness. Having this sucks. Even the simplest things can feel like an agonizing chore, I wish I would fall into a deep sleep and never wake up again. I can't even bring myself to watch my favorite shows on Netflix anymore because it feels like a chore. I am single because of these feelings, I have girl and people who have shown to really love me despite my unavailability to them. Sometimes I get suicidal ideations but I don't want to kill myself. I also don't want to live life like this