Are there pretty girls or handsome boys out there who find dating hard, I mean really hard? How do you deal with it?

Ok-Professional2756 · 2022-05-17T08:43:16+00:00

You are only pretty relative to your surroundings. Start hanging out with celebrities and their posse and you will quickly be the plainest in the room. Problem solved.

If you live in an average American uglitown where 75% women are overweight, you can be a 5 and be considered hot. Go to Belgrade or Warsaw and you instantly become a 3 relative to women there.

In other words, if you want to not attract attention, change your social surroundings to be more equal with you.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-05-17T12:53:27+00:00

Thread is worthless without pics.

Arcerius · 2022-05-17T17:40:57+00:00

Dating is really hard for me as well as a attractive guy (as described emphatically by others, not myself). I thought that getting in great shape and improving my style would make dating so much easier for me, but the only thing it did was show me how superficial and jealous people really are. Guys are threatened by me and try to out-alpha me, despite me having done nothing to challenge them, and seeing how differently women treat me now makes me suspicious that they only like me for my looks. I'd rather people judged me for who I really am - an awkward nerd - rather than on my appearance.

It's a weird paradox: I thought being attractive would make me for comfortable with myself, which it has, but it's also made me more uncomfortable around others because I know I'm being judged so much more. I've just lately been thinking about it seriously. It's such a seemingly ridiculous problem to have, but it's real and has created a sense of isolation for me.

The only way around this is that we have to stop caring about what other people think about us. If people immediately draw the wrong conclusions about us for whatever reason - that's their problem. We can't be afraid to do what we want and make the moves in the dating world that we need to just because of what someone unimportant might think. That's where I think real confidence in dating comes in - not on how you look, but being detached from other's opinions.

If someone tries talking to you unsolicited, a "I'm sorry, but I'd really like to be alone right now" or a "I'm sorry, but my friend and I were having a conversation" or some polite way of communicating their presence is not welcome should chase them away. Or have a book or laptop you say you need to get back to. Though I have less experience with this issue.

All the other replies weren't that helpful, so I hope this is. Just wanted to offer a similar perspective from male with similar issues.

ThinkOfTomorrow · 2022-05-27T19:37:43+00:00

Some big differences from a man's perspective but also some similarities and some interesting perspective... My attractive male friends who date very attractive women, have to deal with overwhelming jealousy, emotional outbursts and worst of all, disrespectful behavior. Respecting yourself and others, setting healthy boundaries and being understanding goes a very long way towards resetting somebody's expectations of you and having them want more than just a physical relationship.

The initial engagement:

eye contact helps because regardless of looks, a guy with good intentions isn't going to approach everyone
beware of men that are trying too hard but know the difference between someone who's peacocking/showing-off and just well put together
look for men that show interest in your passions and really show that they want to understand, even if it's not in their wheelhouse
create a sense of respect right off the bat through responses to their stories or offering to pick up the next round of drinks... Of course, hopefully they decline :-)
show that you can't be bought or manipulated through your actions or by showing that you're refreshed about something they said compared to how other people try to focus only on your exterior... Encourage the positive traits while also setting boundaries around over focus on your physical traits
it's okay to flirt and get touchy but always pepper acts of physical closeness with conversation about positive character traits and deeper values that you appreciate in yourself and see a Little Love in them...
if things get physical and you're into it, that's okay but agree to wait because there's more to them and you don't want an amazing physical connection ;-) to get in the way haha... Sounds cheesy but perfectly understandable
OLD is hard to simplify for all the reasons you mentioned. It's best to engage in some light getting to know you banter... Then meet somewhere public for coffee or a drink so that you can gauge their honesty, sincerity and interest after going through some of the things above. Looking for consistent photos that align with their bio helps. Many women have admitted to social stalking me and looking up my phone number to do a light background check. In my case, that's been beneficial but personally I have a strong rule against doing this myself because people change and I'd rather get to know somebody and later confirm that through their friends and first-hand experience, once we've established basic trust and I see that they are a consistent person.

Attractive men can be jaded and have bad habits:

doesn't need to be said but men like sex... However, even those who like it a lot, don't have to have it and can wait. The ones that are ready for a relationship will wait without hesitation
attractive men are also getting used, both physically and financially so even if they're showing off their physique to open the door for meeting women, the right woman who is respectful can quickly change their mindset by making them want more. Especially, if there's a connection and great conversation.
attractive men have insecurities about how quickly to have sex. They likely have experience with losing girlfriends for not having sex fast enough and could incorrectly act more forward after sensing a connection, to prevent you from moving on with someone who's showing more interest, more quickly. Communicating and sharing your feelings and need to grow the connection can make this smoother for everyone
attractive men are objectified too but the result is different. Although some may like it, eventually it gets old and they can either ignore a woman that's overly sexual or passively dislike it because they don't want to be alone. In some cases, less attractive women with a more attractive man can be more sexually adventurous to keep them interested and that distorts his bedroom behavior in a way that might be beyond your comfort zone or at least is inappropriate early on... This is also manageable with good communication during intimacy and by showing him that you have an interest in moving things forward but want to agree on what and how you're engaging in the bedroom.
attractive men still find it hard to meet people so they may be talking to many women who are wasting their time while talking to other guys... It sucks!... But if you have a connection with him, that doesn't mean you need to rush but after a couple of dates, let him know that you've blocked out the rest of the noise and are off the apps so that the ball is in his court to focus on you and communicate the same.
all men learn how to relationship by dating and seeing how other women treat them. Attractive men who date attractive women rarely feel wanted and sometimes don't learn healthy ways to show that. There are other negative byproducts but ultimately communication and boundaries can fix this. Be the change!

Communication and clear boundaries

it's ok to want to feel special and share the things that make you feel that way like him getting to know you and planning things with your input or as a surprise, depending on what you like
be reasonable and know that a relationship ready man has priorities of their own and wouldn't drop them all. You wouldn't want them to :-)... But work with them and recognize when they make room for you in their life and want to spend more time getting to know you. Could be phone calls or text messages.
talk about communication styles. Do you want him to text you the next day?... If he's doing something cool, do you want him to tell you all about it afterwards? Do you like sharing your day with them over text or eventually through video chat. Does it make you feel amazing when he texts you randomly during the day. You don't have to be pushy and ask for it but let him know how great it felt when he texted you or after that video chat... Of course, this goes both ways but men are terrible at it but will adjust quickly if the connection is meaningful
what do relationships mean to you? Is there something admirable about a parent's or friends relationship that you can share early on?... When you're first getting to know each other, letting them know about your circle and the things you admire or regret in relationships, inspires him to step up and shows him that you're not just looking for a good time

tldr; communicate and respect goes both ways. A man who is ready and interested in a connection is actively listening and will remember and respond to your boundaries and likes despite an overwhelming hormone response to your appearance... A man who's not ready will be overconfident in some areas but not interested in a deeper understanding of your character, being respectful of boundaries or able to recall the stories you've shared.

Edit: Tried to do some formatting.

thatnewaccnt · 2022-05-17T08:35:18+00:00

I have no doubt your problems are significantly easier than that of ugly people. But I guess everything is hard when you don’t know what you’re doing… and few people ever have any idea what they’re doing when it comes to dating.

Also RIP your dms

Artist-in-Residence- · 2022-05-18T03:32:56+00:00

I had a friend in high school who was quite beautiful and she had a similar problem, but the problem wasn't what she looked like that was the problem in finding someone to date.

She had some childhood issues - molested as a child by her dad, often taken advantage of by men, and she became dependent on using her sexuality in order to receive attention from men, instead of focusing on getting to know someone.

Instead of focusing on receiving initial attention as a metric for attraction, you might want to focus on being the woman a man can't ever forget.

2022-05-17T12:09:56+00:00

I am gonna bite. Yes is the answer. DM me, I can’t on my phone

yennybear888 · 2022-05-17T12:45:58+00:00

My guess is you’re aiming really high

quadfintryfin · 2022-05-17T11:14:08+00:00

It’s because you’re too tall you stick out like a sore thumb

Title	Are there pretty girls or handsome boys out there who find dating hard, I mean really hard? How do you deal with it?
Author	Ed_98x
Upvotes	5
Comments	11
Date	May 17, 2022 8:32 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/urhux3/are_there_pretty_girls_or_handsome_boys_out_there/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/are-there-pretty-girls-or-handsome-boys-out-there.1259413 https://theredarchive.com/post/1259413

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