Flairing this as 'Inner Game' as it is the most relevant to this topic.

Backstory: I have been lurking seddit for over a year now but never posted. I was very shy and struggled during the pandemic. End of last year, I began to get myself out there more. (18m) she is (18f). Northeastern USA if country/location is relevant. I am still learning and practicing game as I get in shape, I guess I might be partly a late bloomer? I didn't have my first kiss until October - right before my 18th birthdaty.

December, I met a girl who I obsessed over. This lasted for around 4 months. I had never felt this way before. It was great! However, due to certain circumstances, she wanted to take things slow (however said she wanted to date in the future.). She was obsessed back, for the first 2.5 months or so. Things were going rly well, we texted all day every day, hung out consistently, however she wanted to go slow. Said she wasnt in the right spot for a relationship basically - but wanted to act like we were. I went along with it and ignored a lot of red flags / put up with things I shouldn't have. We did some physical things, however not much. Still, I was extremely attached.

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As I said, this lasted for around 2.5 months. Suddenly, her interest declined. I was confused- the girl who was so interested in me, talked about a future together, moving in together one day, suddenly had lost her interest. For the next month and a half things were mediocre, sometimes she was good, sometimes not.

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I began to learn partly through her own admission as well as what I saw/heard elsewhere that there was a new guy involved. She had been stating that he was just her friend from school, and she had previously rejected him. JUST FRIENDS!. I should've trusted my gut, he never seemed like just a friend.

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I had never felt this way before, I assumed she was the one, and every single day, all day, thought about her. I continued like a dog, endlessly pursuing the other guy. The other guy I worried about, but also didnt as much as I should have. I trusted her, and he is very out of shape and not good looking. His attributes are no good either, unemployed, lives with parents, drinks and smokes a lot. To me, it made no sense. After 'what we had', why is she suddenly checking out and spending more time with this guy??

Well, to conclude this chapter of the post, she one day told me we should just be friends and no longer do anything do anything physical together as it is not a good idea for her to get too invested in anybody, or attached. I was hurt! She had extensively discussed a future, met my parents, friends, etc. I said we should stop talking and hanging out, for now.

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And guess what! A week later she is all over her 'friend', and now they are dating! Always together. It sucks, as I realize I was just strung along to boost her admittedly low self esteem and farm some compliments.

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At first, seeing them together hurt me really bad. I felt angry, and like breaking down/crying whenever I saw them in person or in snapchat posts. I felt crushed. I thought she was the one.

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This was around a month and a half ago, and as of around two weeks ago I can say I am fully over it. She no longer crosses my mind nearly as much as she used to, I dont check her social media, and it doesnt bother me to see them anymore. We have talked twice in the first two weeks after it happened, but small talk and nothing related to what happened. I am committed to not contacting her, and moving on.

While the first few weeks were brutal, i believed I would never meet anyone as pretty, or who I got along with as well as we did.

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CURING ONEITIS:

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From this experience, I have learned to never put all of my eggs in one basket, don't think about a future unless directly applicable, focus on myself more, and to not ignore red flags.

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Oneitis is shitty - especially when you realize they havent been suffering from the same 'disease'.

For those struggling with oneitis- here's what i wouldve done differently -

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Do not obsess over one girl

Unless you are exclusive or in a relationship, do not stop pursuing other options.

Limit the amount of time spent talking to the girl if applicable, no texting all day and night.

Continue other social habits, dont change recurring plans or stop hanging out with friends over a girl.

Do not see a girl as 'the one' without being in a very committed relationship.

As for confidence, mine suffered after. Why was the loser better than me? I have been working on my confidence since, remind yourself what you are worth, workout, walk with proper posture, and keep an abundance mindset.

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My confidence was largely hurt after as she confided to a mutual female friend around two weeks ago that she lost her V card to him shortly after they started dating. At this point, I didnt care as much as I should have. Fuck that! She's no longer my problem. Yes, it felt like shit, but I got it off my mind fast.

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While this is a long post, I hope it can help someone. I am going to be more active on the sub to continue learning and maybe giving field reports. It took me a month of depression after this ended, wondering why shit changed, and how she moved on so fast, before just deciding to not be a fucking bitch and move on myself. I do not want to have her back or even be friends.

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Ever since, I have started doing cold approaches and meeting women at social events. I am having decent success so far with conversation, eye contact, and getting numbers/other social medias.

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Keep your chins up and never get too attached to one female!

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Last edit: Pay attention to the sunk cost fallacy! For those who are unaware, the sunk cost fallacy is the logical fallacy in which you are invested in something already to the point of not wanting to move on or give up the 'sunk cost' already put into something (money/time/resources you cant get back).

Very important imo to not stick around after too many red flags, don't choose to stay just because you're already invested. Cut your losses before you get cut off.