Tired of life not being fun or great. Feels like I was living life the complete wrong way up until now and it's true, nice guys really do finish dead last. I've read the books you're thinking of, just haven't gotten into seduction, game, asshole player mentality books yet.

I also seem to have intense blockage to change at all no matter how many times I learn or a mentor of friend comes into play. I sometimes feel like a dickless smiling manchild walking around. I'm smart, funny, fairly handsome, and nice but without courage, edge, and fuck you nerves it's worth nothing. Im aware I'm worth nothing as a friend and love to men and women alike. I have no friends at my age, never had a girlfriend, no real job training, and lived to please people that did not give a fuck about my goals and embarrassed myself public wide when they sabotaged me and I failed. I lived in my car and motels for 9 months and I will never wipe that stain off me while they laughed. I'm dependent now and i hate it because I have no car. I'd rather be homeless then eat from the hand of people who laughed at me. I should be angry, but I just feel numb and desperate. It's so bad the gossip socially I can't even leave my dwelling without being called bitch or laughed at. Working has been made almost impossible. I'm going to get assault charges because I can't go anywhere without this shit.

I want to completely change myself inside out before my youth is up so I could achieve something and have some positive memories before it's all up. Whatever mentor or friend comes my way I'm willing to completely shut up and obey the lessons to change myself. I want to be the man I was supposed to become at age 18, not this deluded loser man bitch I am now. Any mentors out there please.

Thanks for reading.