Long time no see. I want to talk about a big topic that no one seems to be discussing.

A former coach of mine told me that in his business…. 90-95% of the students that first start learning social skills drop out within a year because it simply becomes too hard.

I have been studying dating and social skills for a while now and have seen progress in many friends, and also stagnation from others. Today I want to address the issue of why so many guys are still stuck even though they’ve been “studying” for years.

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1. A lot of men who have been learning “dating skills” are still lacking a strong enough reason (AKA "Leverage") for going out and learning this skill set. Without this specific goal, on tough nights out where the interactions do not go well, there is no good reason for the guy to continue pushing himself.

The light at the end of the tunnel does not appear. What is your reason?

To find a wife?

To become that guy you saw in the movies?

The reason for change must trump the challenges of change. Until you find this reason, chances are you will give up when faced with moderate adversity.

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2. Approach Anxiety – coming up with excuses or letting the fear overtake you.

Your approach anxiety over time can be permanently reduced by 2 things: 1, having a strong inner game/calm confidence about yourself and 2, having a strong enough purpose to propel you forward.

Tactically, I personally find that giving your friend $20 and only getting back after 3 talking to 3 people you don’t know is a great way to get the night rolling.

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3. Style.

I see a lot of guys who have great writing skills. But, when I see them in person, their clothes and style do not match the refinement of their thoughts. Getting your basic fashion style right is really, really important.

You never get a chance to make a second impression, and with girls, style can be a deal breaker.

Good style also make guys stand out so much more than the average looking guy and makes the rest of the interaction go smoother. You literally save yourself 90% of the work that other guys have to do.

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4. Speech + Nonverbal Communication

I personally have a problem with speaking too fast and sometimes mumbling. Others I see mostly speak too softly. There are many books and resources on voice training. Use it.

For starters: slowing down, talking louder, and talking with more authority will increase your results tenfold when all of his other technical issues are sorted out (body language, style, eye contact).

It is amazing how many guys focus on their words only, when most of what they communicate is already done via their nonverbals and tonality alone.

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5. Having something interesting to say.

It has come to my attention that a lot of guys "stall out" in a conversation. They run out of "material". I would suggest that you become familiar with your own interests and if all else fails, go back into your memory bank of your favorite subject, be it fashion or math.

Passion sells.

That said, topics that interest most women often involve relationships, fashion and perhaps other topics most men are not super familiar with.

It may not be a bad idea to at least aware of some conversation topics along these lines.

For example, pick up a book a woman would read and dive into it!

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6. Closing and follow up.

I used to think that girls hated me if they never called me back.

I was half right, they just were not that interested. It is interesting how we make up ideas of why girls don't call us, when in a job interview, if a call is never made after a face to face, we generally assume they moved on.

I think that girls usually will pick up and follow up if they really like you.

Logistical issues around "phone and text game" can increase your percentages, but honestly this is usually not the source of the problem.

If you are getting flakes from numbers, 99% of the time the problems originate in the first meeting.

Fix this, and your numbers will solidify.

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7. Being happy versus “I have to win” mindset.

I see guys who only talk to girls, and there's a sense of pride in them. Yet, in their pride, they seem also to be very lonely. I think the following quote from "authentic happiness" summarizes my feelings well:

"[Dr. Martin Seligman:] Before I saw the data, I thought that unhappy people - identifying with the suffering that they know so well, would be more altruistic. So I was taken aback when the findings on mood and helping others without exception revealed that happy people were more likely to demonstrate that trait. In the laboratory, children and adults who are made happy display more empathy and are willing to donate more money to others in need. When we are happy, we are less self-focused, we like others more, and we want to share our good fortune even with strangers. When we are down, though, we become distrustful, turn inward, and focus defensively on our own needs. Looking out for number one is more characteristic of sadness than of well-being."

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I’ll add one more thing:

*Bonus 8: Not being honest with yourself and others about your skill level in attracting women

A lot of guys exaggerate their successes. This is fine for a short while or when done in good fun, but when it becomes a constant battle to live up to the realities of your exaggerated stories, it becomes destructive.

Being honest with yourself with where your skill-set is truly at is the best way to improve.

Without knowing where you are, you become lost in where you are going. Being honest with friends is also helpful in that they can assist you in your blind spots and give advice.

I see too many guys who have egos that do not allow them to honestly assess how well they are doing. Guys who do this may get some temporary satisfaction from others living off his stories… however, for those who are close to them, these conversations only push us further away as we realize that we can no longer learn proper game with someone who is not honest about their progression and skills.

Additionally I have found that the best guys who are good with women are often times the most humble or modest about their abilities. They let the actions do the talking.

I hope this helps!