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[–]norwegiandoggo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
When you're all over the place with your conversation trying random shit. What problem does it cause?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Chad_Thundermember 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's because you're forcing it. That's not how friendships and romantic relationships happen. I hate to break it to you but you ultimately do not choose who you end up with. All you can do is up your odds of success by becoming more and more awesome over the next months and years to come. Seduction only happens when you are in a position to do crazy stunts. I would know, I've done it before. But if your goal is to have friends and have a girlfriend, you have to let things happen organically and simply just put yourself in situations where people are naturally prone to sparking new friendships.
[–]ksmith11011 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why would anyone want to make a new friendship with a random stranger? Adults have goals, families, and jobs that consume their attention. They’re not going to want to add a new person that’s going to require 50% of their available time if they gain nothing tangible from that relationship.
What you’re trying to do is impossible. Stick to dating and make friends through connections at work.
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I get that but what actual problem is it causing in the specific interaction? How do you know this is a problem in the moment? I want your evidence for the specific interaction - how you know it's a problem. Not speaking about your issues with getting friends in general. I'm only talking about the specific situation where it happens.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How did you realize they didn't like to talk about monetary policy?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I think I know the core of your problem. You're talking because you think talking is a performance you do to make people like you. You're not actually interested in these people - you don't like them.
[–]Chad_Thundermember 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"What do you like to do for fun?"
My goodness, the last time I witnessed a dude ask that to a girl he (painfully obviously) liked was when I was hanging out at a bookstore and saw that he couldn't afford their coffee. The dude once told me and my friend he bought cologne with pheromones to attract the ladies.
Don't be like that.
In fact, let me take it a step further. Don't treat women like they are a mathematical problem requiring a formula to make them horny. Only weirdos do that shit. Go figure out your own interests, learn about them, then talk to people about them. The "be interested to be interesting" advice is pure bullshit. It does work, but only when it is 100% sincere and unforced. I talked an extremely attractive girl at a gym several months ago and asked "So I gotta ask, judging by how incredibly hot you are, how many chumps in this place have asked you out?" "Hah. A lot." "And you get sick of it for sure." "Yeah it gets old."
Why did she appreciate that very invasive question? Because unlike most idiots who force themselves to be interested in her artwork, I really, truly was curious. She was literally almost Selena Gomez hot. No joke. I'm just a peasant in that place and we had a real conversation.
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Conversations are not interviews, and even the best list of questions just makes for a better interview not a better conversation. To get to know someone better, tell stories that give them things to latch on to i.e. telling a story about a great meal you had with an old friend during a trip will give her points to jump in on to talk about her friends, her travels, or where she likes to eat (hint hint). Similarly listen to her stories and either use her jumping off points, or go deeper by being interested. Not a string of "well then what? Why? What place? who?" interrogations but if she says she travelled to Bora Bora say, chime in with things "I bet the water was amazing" or just whatever to get the conversation flowing.
[–]penis_in_my_hand 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
"What i really need now is a process"
No. The idea that these things progress via a process is the exact thing tripping you up.
Women (and men) ultimately want someone who desires them on multiple levels. Someone who lusts after them physically, is interested in what they have to say, wonders why they do what they do, and is curious about who they are deep down.
In order to seem interested in who someone is as a person and not just as a sexy body (sexy body though they may have) you have to actually be interested in her.
What sorts of things do you really wonder about a new person when you meet them? Do you care about what's going on inside her head? If so, talk about that stuff.
If you're not actually interested enough in a person to talk about them, then no "process" will fix that.
Women don't want to date a robot who operates via processes. They want humans who care about them.
If you don't care you won't be successful.
(Also, women are probably, on average better than men at detecting when someone actually cares vs just faking it what with being more in tune with their emotions and whatnot. It's a generalization, but if you're man going after a woman and not using what i like to call "genuine interest" she's gonna see right through you).
There is no formula. There is no correct questions or correct order of questions. If you meet a woman who likes you, you can "fuck up" rather abysmally and she still will.
Conversations are not for convincing a woman to like you. They are for discovering if she does already.
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[–]norwegiandoggo 1 point2 points3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chad_Thundermember 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ksmith11011 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chad_Thundermember 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]penis_in_my_hand 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link