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[–]lildudefromXdastreet 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
"it actually did make me upset, partly because I was a bit jealous"
There's your problem. Fake it till you make it can only work so well. You have to genuinely not care My guy. She could see through you pretending not to.
Start dating more girls OP, sounds like oneitis to me. If it was me in that situation I would've laughed it off and moved on like literally nothing happened.
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yea but see, the thing is…. Even if you don’t care about the other guy and you just laugh it off…. You’re saying to her that she is allowed to be toxic and manipulative and try and make you jealous…. You’re saying go ahead and shoot me I’m wearing a bulletproof vest.
You wouldn’t feel disrespected if a girl so overtly tried to play mind games like that with you and do that to you when the previous date she was gassing you up on how you’re the perfect man and super sexy and this shit that shit for hours.
[–]lildudefromXdastreet 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
"You’re saying to her that she is allowed to be toxic and manipulative and try and make you jealous"
No, I'm saying that I don't give a damn what she does with whatever other dude she wants to go on a date with because 1. she isn't my girl 2. I have other options and would be just fine without her.
All your reaction did was show that you believe that 1. she is your girl(even if you've put no label on it), 2. you DON'T have other options and 3. you lack confidence.
All of these traits are traits you'd expect of a guy with low SMV. If you were talking to three other girls, do you really think you'd give a damn?
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thats not how I see it, please change my view.
My current thought process is, saying knock your bullshit off or I’m done (calm but firm) is a high SMV move. It shows I have the balls and confidence to call her out when she is obviously trying to fuck with me, and it says I have standards the women I sleep with have to uphold.
Laughing it off just says you can walk all over me as long as I keep getting pussy thats all that matters. I have no real standards for the women I’m putting my dick in, you can be a complete slut as long as I get good sex.
[–]lildudefromXdastreet 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"My current thought process is, saying knock your bullshit off or I’m done (calm but firm) is a high SMV move"
Depending on the situation, sure. For example, if she disrespects you by calling you out of your name, that would work. But in this situation all this does is make you look jealous for a girl who is NOT even your girlfriend...that screams scarcity. Scarcity is unattractive. Doesn't matter how calm you try and make it sound. And she easily sensed that which is why she kept prodding you.
"Laughing it off just says you can walk all over me as long as I keep getting pussy thats all that matters"
No it doesn't. That's how YOU want to interpret it to justify feeling butthurt. You're missing the key point. She is NOT your girlfriend. She should literally just be just another girl you're fucking on the regular. You should have NO reason to care. Had you played it off and just moved past it, she wouldn't have brought it up again. But you didn't. You have oneitis, which she 100% sensed even before giving you the shit test btw, so you got in your feelings, started pouting and displayed extreme low value.
This all goes back to what I first said, date more women.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But you didn’t say “knock your bullshit off or I’m done with you”. Your reaction basically said “I’m jealous about this and I’m going to do a bad job of hiding it”. Had you said something like “Sure. Go get laid with someone else but I’m not interested in women with multiple partners at the same time”, you would have set firm boundaries for your relationship. If you’re high SMV she most probably would have stuck to you. This is a different way of passing a shit test. But you didn’t do this eiter
[–]letsgetrandy -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you haven’t defined a relationship, she’s free to date who she wants. If you want to have any kind of response at all, just tell her “try to have fun. you’ll be back to me the next day regretting having settled for less.”
[–]beachdemon14 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just tell her I don't give a shit what you do or who you date. You go off and do your thing and I'll do mine. I like that you're able to flirt with other guys because I love flirting with other women too. Maybe if a monogomus relationship isn't something you're interested in we can keep this as an open relationship. If you say something like that it will completely turn the tables
[–]DaydreamingMister 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
-If the “boyfriend/girlfriend vibe” you mentioned meant as much to her as it apparently does you, she wouldn’t be behaving the way she is. (Or if she did, then - Haha she’s most def not ready to be a “good candidate for LTR” despite what you have been assuming about her lately.)
-You needed to come from an internal peace of genuinely knowing a few things…
1 That you are awesome and the best dude she could find (though you NEVER try to debate this or beg her to believe it).
2 That your life will go on just fine even if she goes on the date with the other guy, falls for him right then, and never talks to you again.
And I don’t just mean you need to be able to sort of believe those things and state them half heartedly. It needs to be your true reality.
Otherwise, you go on getting butt hurt when she talks about another guy; trying to hide it but unsuccessfully, because she notices that you’re sulking; et cetera.
-It may be that the experience with this girl isn’t one you’ll hit out of the park and pass with flying colors. It may be that this is one of the all-valuable learning experiences you move on from, reflect on & process, and grow from. So that you can be more awesome with the next girl.
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Okay presume I really did believe those things and I was 0% jealous she was going on a date with another guy…. What option is better?
Laugh it off and “hope he doesn’t disappoint I’d hate having to wake up late night as a booty call”
Or something like
“We aren’t exclusive so you’re free to date as you wish but so overtly telling me about another guy and trying to make me jealous is disrespectful, manipulative and toxic, don’t do it again or I’ll have to end this between us.”
I mean if I just laugh it off and say some cocky shit which shows it doesn’t bother me… I’m still giving her permission to shoot me because I have a bullet proof vest on so to speak. Its telling her she is allowed to be toxic and manipulative.
Wouldn’t it be more effective to gently say hey bitch knock it off.
[–]DaydreamingMister -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Get this:
-She will never stop “testing your strength”, for the rest of your life. Not even after you’ve been married 20 years. That’s because she freakin’ loves to FEEL your strength. (And obviously, being butt hurt is not strength.)
It’s not to say she’ll talk about dating another guy after she’s been your wife for a decade. But even as your wife of many years, she’ll test in other ways. And again, it’s because she loves to feel your strength.
There should be an aspect of inner strength that you have which she does not. And it feels good to her to be with a man who possesses such strength.
So part of your journey now - your “inner work” as they say - is developing that aspect of yourself. It needs to become real.
-And with that… you do not always have to “check” her or call her out on every little test.
Actually, it should most of the time amuse you mildly when she tests… Because you have studied human behavior enough and studied feminine energy enough and studied masculine energy enough that you understand her better than she even understands herself.
So -
When you are centered in your masculine core… and you’re not becoming hurt… and you can recognize her little tests, then you certainly won’t be going around thinking you need to say “Better not try to test my strength, woman!” all the time.
**Now when it is the case that she actually pushes you too far or crosses one of your boundaries… then THAT absolutely is when you (in a loving way) let her know what’s up.
But do it, like I said, in a loving way… And also in a succinct way. Not two paragraphs.
Like - “I understand you’re frustrated, but I don’t find your tone and attitude acceptable.”
Like a loving father (who still isn’t a pansy and isn’t wrapped around his little girl’s finger) would do.
-Other than that, if she wants to go out with some other bloke - while she’s not even your actual gf…
Your response is -
“You should go. Yes.”
If you say anything else on the topic at that time, it’s -
“Haha The more you go out with other guys, the sooner you’ll realize you only want me. You should go.”
And then, heck - talk about something else at that point! What a lame topic to let her try to make you dwell on. You already stated your position on it.
Embark on a new convo topic - one that’s actually fun.
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Do you think telling me blatantly out of the blue she was going to go on a date with another guy was just a little test?
I think little test is like a comment about me balding in a playful tone, something about my car being too slow etc, even showing me she has other options by showing me how many texts she has from desperate guys.
You don't think this situation would warrant putting your foot done in a loving way? Am I in the wrong here?
[–]DaydreamingMister 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Your boundaries are yours. I can’t decide that.
BUT. As we touched on before -
I’m not sure you’re coming from a place of being centered as a man currently. So what’s uncertain, then, is if you have been violated… versus being something more like triggered, because you’re insecure.
My other reaction to your question is, yes - women you’re dating may bring up going on a date with another man. And they may mention it to the other men they’re dating too. It’s one way to gauge which guy actually seems strong.
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That was a really good point, it is uncertain to me whether I've been violated or triggered. And now that I really think about it I think I was triggered.
How can I correctly center myself as a man? When she said she is going to go on a date with another guy all I could imagine was a guy taller than me, more handsome, dressed super sharp at the bar.
I'm not a slouch in life, I look pretty damn good, I work really hard, am clean always smell good, have made it pretty far in life but I think you're right I am insecure.
When she said she is going on a date with another guy I could only imagine a guy that was older than me (maybe a guy in his late 20's I'm in my early 20's)... someone with a nice luxury BMW, full head of beautiful hair. etc...
How can I truly believe I am a woman's best option when realistically I'm not? There is always some guy taller, some guy better in some way etc...
And just knowing she can have all these guys free when I have to actually put in hard effort to find another girl to replace her, I have to go face several rejections, lead plan dates etc... How is it possible to not crumble under that and get triggered... How is it possible to feel like I'm her best option and she needs me more than her what it just doesn't add up to that.
[–]DaydreamingMister 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good question.
1 Taller. Less bald. More cash.
These things don’t mean he’s a better man.
2 If you are okay accepting the way things have gone for you in the past with dating, change nothing.
If you are ready to go to a new level as a man and as a dating partner, keep reading.
Here’s how to change your life like I did (free of charge, btw):
There is a book that you’re going to read ten times like the author recommends.
He is Corey Wayne. Book is “How To Be A 3% Man”. Access it for free by signing up for the email newsletter on his website www.understandingrelationships.com.
Also check out his many videos on YouTube: Coach Corey Wayne. But do NOT try substituting the videos for reading the book ten times.
[–]JacobMoogberg69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she was really asked out by another guy and wanted to go out with him, she wouldn't have told you. She did it to specifically see how you will react. This also tells me you are not dating others which is why you feel the extra neediness.
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[–]lildudefromXdastreet 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]lildudefromXdastreet 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lildudefromXdastreet 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]letsgetrandy -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]beachdemon14 -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DaydreamingMister 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]DaydreamingMister -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]DaydreamingMister 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Da_SnowLeopard 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DaydreamingMister 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JacobMoogberg69 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link