The belief that women are attracted to jerks who mistreat them is a myth. Through Hollywood and other forms of media, the idea has been reinforced that Nice Guy behavior is what men must do to win the heart of a woman. Grand gestures of devotion, unquestioned self-sacrifice, and giving of gifts to win favor.

Women like men who are assertive, who have their own opinions, who aren’t afraid to disagree, who have passions and a life outside their relationship. Men who have these qualities can still be a gentlemen, still treat women with respect. But there’s a balance, they’re not overly effusive with praise or compliments to gain points.

Unfortunately, Nice Guy behavior is expected as the baseline for men when interacting with women. Good men who don’t fetishize a woman’s beauty or drop everything to be with her—ie treat her like a human—are nonetheless seen as selfish and uncaring.

Don’t buy into the lie that women like jerks. They like good men who have self respect, boundaries, and a little edge. Be yourself and be assertive, trying to put on a front will come off as contrived and unnatural