I have been an extremely social person for a year before the lockdown hit. I felt like my social life was peaking hard and I was about to hit that glorious youth phase of my life untill covid knocked the door. Now that conversations are largely limited to phone calls and chat, I have noticed that I lack the ability to initiate conversations out of thin air.

The realization hit me hard recently, when I talked to a girl I was aquatinted with for the first time. We vibed pretty well. She was as enthusiastic about me while having the convo. Even if she comes across as an introvert, she showed good interest. But that was it, after that convo we didn't have another talk till date. And of course as you would have guessed, she was the one to initiate the conversation the first time lol.

I don't think I lack in any social aspect, I feel I have adequate confidence, conversational skills and humour to keep anyone engaged. I take my grooming and health seriously and don't feel low esteem wise. But this one roadblock has led me to dead chatboxes. I feel dysfunctional. I talk to people exclusively when they initiate things. I have tried initiating conversations but this feeling is so alien. It's the only time I feel somewhat self conscious. I feel vulnerable to judgement and those things.

How do I get rid of this? It's been frustating.