Some time ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so until someone else tells me otherwise, I will continue doing this. The following post comprises account #14.

Context and goals:

I know, I know. I said last week that I wanted to stick to the same goals for a few weeks in order to maintain consistency. Nevertheless, tonight, as per advice I received here, I instigated an arguably major change. Up and until now, I’ve been going out and coming home at times which I believe are very early by nightlife standards (6:00 PM – 10:00 PM). These hours likely tend to attract a contingent of couples, older patrons, etc., which may have been contributing to my difficulties. So tonight, to see if the scene therein was any different, I elected to go between much later hours (10:00 PM – 2:00 AM), which are arguably more the hours of the hooker-upperer crowd.

This constituted a fairly major step outside my comfort zone for me. For I usually go to bed at 12:00 PM. As I’ve stated in the past, I don’t actually enjoy nightlife all that much – the prospect of staying out at a bar, drinking and dancing, until, like, 4:00 AM in the morning, and sleeping until noon the next day, has never sounded appealing to me at all, and consequently I’ve never done it before. If beginning to do so is necessary, it’s gonna require a drastic reorienting of my schedule, headspace, and biological clock. A change of scene like this obviously made me feel nervous, and I also predicted I’d probably be pretty tired towards the end, so I lowered my approach quota to 5 – I wasn’t going to insist on approaching 10. If it turned out to be no biggie after all, I could overshoot this, and go back to the higher quota on subsequent nights. I also decided that changing venues would be optional tonight.

The later time aside, I was gonna try the same routine – open with something observational, quickly establish a false time constraint, smile, maintain eye contact, talk slowly, talk deeply, try not to say “umm” or “err”, and try to make an assumption and/or make them laugh each time I managed to get a conversation going. However, tonight, likewise per advice I received here, I added one more simple enough step on top of this. Any time after I managed to make them laugh, I would test for compliance – ask them to do something to see if they did it (i.e… “Come over here for a minute”, “Let me see that necklace of yours”, “Hold my drink for a sec”, etc.).

Account:

I immediately noticed one pro and one con upon arriving tonight. The pro was that, as expected, the crowd at this hour skewed much, much younger. The con was that, also as expected, it was much more crowded, the music was much louder, and it was clearly going to be much harder to hold a conversation. I did 8 approaches tonight. All of them – without exception – were within my age range and conventionally attractive.

  1. By herself. Turned out to be a bartender about to begin her shift.

  2. Set of 3 – 4 (can’t remember). Started to have a good conversation with one of them, but the others summoned her to leave to go to another bar very quickly, before I could make her laugh, test for compliance, etc.

  3. Set of 2. Welcomed me very enthusiastically. They were dancing, and more concerned with continuing to do so than talking to me. I couldn’t really get a solid conversation going. Eventually, they went outside for a smoke and never came back.

  4. By herself. Turned out to be married and there with her husband.

  5. Set of 2. Approached because another guy asked me to be his wing whilst he approached them himself. Had a good conversation with one of them, made an assumption, made her laugh, and successfully tested for compliance. Asked for her number but didn’t get it.

  6. Set of 4. Welcomed me very enthusiastically – even going so far as to offer me drinks. Quickly realized they were drunk and, in light of past experiences and resulting vows, put my guard up. Had a good conversation with one of them wherein they were laughing almost constantly – although more, I suspect, due to being drunk than due to anything I did. The one I was talking to told me she was gay and that one of the others there was her girlfriend. I have no idea whether she was telling me the truth – she’d kept telling me contradictory things throughout the conversation; sometimes within the same sentence – but I did not bother asking for her number.

  7. Set of quite a few (5 – 8; can’t remember). They, too, turned out to be drunk. Had a reasonably okay conversation with one of them, but couldn’t quite manage to make her laugh. Asked for her number but didn’t get it.

All of these approaches, I need to note here, were before 12:00 PM. Beyond that point – the point at which I usually go to bed – as predicted, I rapidly started to feel sluggish and less motivated to approach. I was determined, however, to tough it out until 2:00 AM like I vowed to even if I didn’t do any further approaches, if only to acclimatize myself to this novel environment. I had a long rest, and then gave myself a kick in the bum and vowed to do one more before the night was out – again, to acclimatize myself to doing so.

  1. Set of 2. Welcomed me very enthusiastically. Alas, they, too, turned out to be drunk – as one of them proceeded to demonstrate by prodigiously puking into the potted plant next to her. I almost left on the spot. It was impossible to get a conversation going with them – they kept asking the same things over and over again and randomly laughing. Eventually they left to get yet more drinks and never came back – I suspect they forgot about me ten seconds after I was no longer in their field of vision.

There was still a little bit of time left, but by now I’d truly had enough, so I just hung out on the dancefloor for the remaining minutes.

Reflection:

There were definitely more women within my age-range during the later hours. Also. I didn’t seem to have any trouble approaching them therein. Also, a lot of them were extremely welcoming, saying: “Sure, bud! Squeeze right in!”, etc. when asked if I could hang out with them. This being said, it was a lot harder to have structured conversations with them. Only once did I get to the point at which I was able to test for compliance – although in that one instance, she did indeed comply. And a disproportionate number of them turned out to be drunk.

Was this a fluke? Do you think it would be better for me to go back to the earlier hours, where there were fewer prospects but structured conversations were easier, or to continue attending during the later hours and hope that I’m able to get a few more conversations going therein in the future? I am willing to continue doing the latter if people here think it would be better.

Tally:

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Temporary goal: make 30 women/sets laugh.

Approaches: 71.

Immediate rejections: 16.

Conversations: 33.

Laughs: 5.

Phone number rejections: 18.

Phone numbers: 4.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 2.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.