I am 27 and got dumped yesterday after a 5 month LDR (we only saw each other on weekends). I will spare you the details of "I don't want to be with you anymore, there is nothing you did wrong, I am just at a different point in my life right now." Thankfully I have seen this coming for 2-3 weeks now, so I am doing fairly well. If I had to boil the reason for our breakup down to one sentence it would be: I did not manage to hold frame once in 4 months. Yes, you read that correctly. Not once.

In theory it sounds so easy: never break frame at any cost ever. "agree and amplify." "laugh it off." "just ignore what she said."

In reality I simply couldn't do it. She made me apologize / admitting me being wrong every single fucking time. Some examples:

  1. she goes out partying the entire night until the afternoon getting high on ecstasy / speed. I pick her up from the club in the afternoon, spend the entire day taking care of her, getting her things from the supermarket etc. since she can not go home to her parents place yet. we eventually get home and go to bed around midnight. since she still isn't tired yet after 36 hours without sleep she first asks, later commands me to calm her down. Since I don't know how to calm down someone who is still on drugs I try to remain calm by sitting next to her without saying anything. She get's more and more upset starting to insult me which eventually makes me leave because things get out of hand with her stating that if I leave now, that it is over. I still leave going home to my parents place. the next morning she calls me and asks whether we could talk. I agree which ends up with her stating "you should not have taken my seriously, I was obviously on drugs" and me apologizing for "leaving her when she needed me the most". We get back together.
  2. two weeks ago we spend a really pleasant weekend home, watching movies and generally having a good time. at some point she asks me which train I am gonna take and I tell her the one aronud 8pm. She goes completely wicked about how I am just taking this train to get my way and how it is not what I want to do and starts calling me whimp and how I am behaving like a child. I tell her to stop talking to me like this or otherwise I will have to leave. Eventually she leaves the apartment not blocking answering any of my calls for the first 10min or so. At some point I find her outside and sit right next to her where she makes me apologize for playing with her feelings and we get back together.
  3. last week we talk on the phone for an hour or so having a good conversation and having fun. shortly before ending the call the calls me some inappropriate nickname which I don't like somewhere around "bro". I tell her to please stop calling me like that. In return she goes completely crazy, telling me that I destroyed her mood and that I am boring as hell and hangs up. I call her back and ask why it is not ok to tell her what I did to which she is just stubborn and says "I am tired of explaining you your shortcomings every time" and hangs up again. 1,5 hours later she calls again and asks if I have anything to say. I am tired as fuck and just say that I did not want to destroy her mood and that I am sorry if she feels that way. After hanging up again I feel terrible and send her 3 long text messages stating how I am trying to change and how it doesn't help when she is just sitting there blaming me every time. She didnt even bother to respond.

These are obviously just examples. We probably had around 30 of these fights which always went the exact same way. Something went wrong, she made it look like I was the one to blame and I ended up apologizing / giving in. I probably should have walked for good the first time. Any thoughts?