Best way to initiate sex with your partner in a relationship?

2019-05-15T21:40:07+00:00

I used to frequent this sub a few years ago, but have since been in a relationship for 3 years. I feel like I can chime in here.

Here's the thing about almost all LTR's: the sex will wind down. It's nothing personal, it just happens. I've tried initiating sex and been shot down by the usual "not today, I'm tired" line so many times that I've lost count. I feel you and know that it can feel discouraging after the 10th or 100th time.

Here's the obvious answer to your question: you talk to your significant other and let her know how you feel. You've been together for a couple of years now, so you should be able to talk to her on some personal level. Allow yourself to be vulnerable for a second and tell her what you're telling us. Either you guys work together and solve the issue, or you find out she's not worth the time. It's a win-win situation for you. You either find a way for her to initiate more sex, or you get to go back to those exciting one-night stands you seem to love.

Here's the not-so-obvious answer, and this is based on my own personal experiences so take it with a grain of salt. The longer the relationship goes, the less it revolves around being sexy. I'm more attracted to my girlfriend when she does the dishes than when she's walking around in lingerie, and I'm sure she has the same feelings towards me. Do you do anything for her besides making out with her in hopes of escalating to sex? When was the last time you scratched her back? Or how about when you massaged her back after a hard day of work? My point is you need to stop thinking about all these "sexy" things you can do to turn her on and start thinking about caring for her. It'll be so much more loving that way and may reignite some flames.

Buy a vibrator too. It helps ;)

And on an unrelated note, don't ask for relationship advice from seducers. Once you get into a relationship, all the rules go out the window.

DriedUpPlum · 2019-05-15T22:48:48+00:00

When was the last time you came up behind her and grabbed her hips and kissed her neck.... then just walked away telling her you’re going out and will be back in a few.

when was the last time you told her “I want to fuck your brains out?” Our of the blue?

When was the last time she turned you down for sex and you DIDN’T whine about it.... and just said “That’s cool.” And went into the other room to do something else?

lozboss · 2019-05-15T20:50:02+00:00

It's about context in a LTR. You have to keep things fun and exciting. When things become routine the sex dries up.

You also sometimes have to break the barrier and make it move up the notches. If you're kidding grab her bum etc.

However, if she's really not interested in sex and never initiates with you then you've got a far bigger problem and she's not the one for you.

uEpYN2vYZPCRpH3vjC3r · 2019-05-16T21:25:26+00:00

I just want you guys to all raise your expectations and standards for LTRs. I'm just one dude with little experience in pickup, I've been with the same woman for over 30 years. 31 years, 11000 days together. Maybe we haven't had sex 10000 times yet, but we're getting there.

And the sex is fantastic, nearly every single time. I have freedom to date other women (open marriage), but I rarely want to. They don't light my fire like she does. She has freedom to see other guys, but I make sure she usually doesn't want to.

We weren't always this sexual. A few changes that helped:

Self-improvement. I started lifting, getting fit and healthy. That motivated her to keep up. She's in the gym twice a day now.
Self-improvement. I started getting better flirting with girls, making sure my partner knew other girls were into me. She stepped up her game to keep me interested.
Self-improvement. I started learning more about how to please women, how to enter their emotional world. I think this helps in LTRs as much as in pickup.
Relationship improvement. We both started being more open about sex and what we wanted. She had freaky fantasies she'd kept from me for decades, I had the same. We aired it all out, and then
Freaky adventure. We dabbled in swinging for a few years. Got to play with different people in different situations. Found out we liked each other after all. Though she does like some group action that involves more people.

Like most everybody else, I'll say fix yourself to fix the relationship. You just have to be better at sex, you need to be the trigger that makes the magic happen. You need to find different techniques to try until you find what really works for your lady. She may not know herself.

SocialReject101 · 2019-05-16T10:39:01+00:00

Dan Bacon has some nice videos on this topic.

If she is shit'testing you on regular basis consider dread game.

You are the bottom of the relationship atm. It should be other way around.

DriedUpPlum · 2019-05-15T22:01:50+00:00

My personal Theory is that women are as just as horny as men if not more. So its not like she lost sexual desire. So if her desire is still their maybe it’s not a question why but whom. In other words, I guess she has an appetite for another guy. and I hate to be the guy that proposes such a thing but if I don’t, nobody will. Just consider it.

BlazeKiid · 2019-05-15T20:16:39+00:00

Get The Two Girls Teach Sex Program I have for 20$

Title	Best way to initiate sex with your partner in a relationship?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	May 15, 2019 7:59 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bp2ovp/best_way_to_initiate_sex_with_your_partner_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/best-way-to-initiate-sex-with-your-partner-in-a.1291235 https://theredarchive.com/post/1291235

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