The fickleness of the game sometimes makes me sick to my stomach. I want to make true connections with women, but I'm having a hard time.

humpaa · 2013-10-13T01:52:32+00:00

The Party Scene is only half (or even less) of all girls.

There are so many girls that hate clubs/bars and random hookups, you just have to have more balls, but you find them during the day doing normal things.

Osou2 · 2013-10-12T22:58:40+00:00

At last, a sane person

frogma · 2013-10-13T05:37:32+00:00

I think you have the wrong idea -- and I think most people do. It's not the "bar/party" scene that's fucked up, it's your idea of "dating" that's fucked up.

Instead of going through the usual random bullshit when you meet a girl at the bar, start going into deeper shit -- emotional stuff that she cares a lot about (and talk about the same things yourself). It's not hard to make an emotional connection with someone. It just sounds like you're kinda purposely avoiding that sort of topic/theme/vibe for some reason.

It doesn't have to be superficial at all. You can totally control the conversation if you want to. If you want to have an emotional connection, then make one. Nobody's stopping you.

puaSenator · 2013-10-12T23:06:48+00:00

Seduction is generally a way to get people more comfortable with the opposite sex as well as themselves. If you keep playing game your entire life, you may have a huge pussy count, but likely an unfulfilling life as well.

You should check out the book called Models

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-10-13T00:28:06+00:00

One of the reasons we seek out relationships with women is that it is a process discovery. We find out what we want from relationships, and what we are like when we are in a relationship to someone else.

This is what everyone is doing, whether they realize it or not. So keep in mind that the woman you are talking to is on that same journey of exploration. You may not be going to the same destination, but for a moment, you're both headed the same direction.

pyrelic · 2013-10-13T02:11:07+00:00

It looks like you've evolved out of /r/seduction. You seem like the type of guy that would be a catch to the right girl (this coming from a girl). It's refreshing to hear someone interested in more than the bore of a nightly catch.

You could try dating dating? /r/okcupid has an active following and is good for developing something, whether you're looking for a powerful, intellectual fuck or a LTR. Now may also be a time to get involved with your community in hobbies you enjoy. Hopefully these or something along these lines will assist in cutting out the superficialness of the average interaction shared with humans.

Good luck and I genuinely hope you find what you're looking for.

Bodongs · 2013-10-13T06:06:30+00:00

This is exactly the reason I love Okcupid. Not only do you get to scope out your potential match ahead of time, but you basically got to window shop for them first.
The real point being, a first Okcupid date (aside from the fact you got to chat with them and find out they're not a dumb dumb first) basically forces a situation where the two of you are sitting down, talking face to face, at the very beginning. This is where I, and all people who are genuinely awesome, shine. You get to sit down, and have a real, plain old conversation with each other. And THAT'S how you find out who you really click with, that is, in more than the "We're both horny and moderately attractive, let's do it" sense.

c00kiecutter · 2013-10-13T00:32:32+00:00

Maybe you attract the wrong kind of girls, in the sense that they're looking for ONS type things and not something deeper anyway. I don't think the party scene is generally a bad place to meet the kind of girls who you can connect with on an emotional level, but maybe try something else as well?

Apart from that, you sound like you got your shit together.

Some thoughts:

Are you a good kisser? Do girls think you're good in bed? If you don't enjoy yourself during hookups, how should a girl enjoy the experience? The sex should definitely be good.
Are you treating them like you treat friends? Talk about random things that are on your mind? Listen to their random thoughts? With no hidden agenda or trying to do the right thing from a pick up perspective?

Trygle · 2013-10-13T04:30:15+00:00

Try meeting people at places other than bars and puvs and the like.

davidralph · 2013-10-13T08:10:58+00:00

Make authenticity your goal. I still think this subreddit is a metaphor for self-improvement really. Focus on improving yourself in the areas you think that you're weakest means that the goal isn't a casual fuck, a relationship or whatever people want out of 'Game'. The goal becomes authenticity and being the best 'you' you can be. That's when real and meaningful relationships grow. Vulnerability is key.

estaocupado · 2013-10-13T08:22:22+00:00

I felt the same way. Follow the advices of this guy http://youtu.be/-kNWAXmemYM?t=20m51s . He has another video that explains how to make connection with girls (i couldn't find it) and he even says: "if you get a girls number and you haven't make any connection, she will be just another number, you are not even going to call her". When I saw myself doing that I realize i was doing things wrong (if you don't want only sex).

puaCurveBall · 2013-10-12T23:04:59+00:00

Game has nothing to do with random hookups, and you can get way deeper emotional connections with great inner game, because you kill all the neediness that gets in the way in most relationships.

Do daygame if you don't enjoy night, but if you think you can't form solid connections in nightgame, you are mistaken.

2013-10-13T00:36:22+00:00

So, look for girls outside of the party scene. What are your hobbies? I guarantee there is a social aspect of that hobby where you can meet women. If you like travelling and foreign culture, go to a wine tasting event, if you like reading or movies, join a book or movie club, if you want to learn a foreign language, take a language class.

2013-10-13T07:29:16+00:00

I had a similar issue with the pickup seen. I learned to do my thing, run my game, go home with someone hotter than me, mull about for a few dates, then break it off before things became serious. I was lucky enough to have a multi year serious relationship between learning pick up and and now, and I think it it helped me be able to answer your question. Let me be clear, the following isnt a PUA exclusive thing, though they do correlate. You may be a narcissist. You may be the type of person whod rather escape into fantasy than put forth the effort to nab an hb11. The type who puts on a face to pick up women and is always afraid she'll discover the real you and leave. Im not saying this is you but if you adopt an identity to sleep with women and this same identity precludes a deeper connection, this may be you. I found the solution to be tapering your identity in. Date 1 should be alpha male mystery man. Date 2 a bit of you. Date 3 more and so on. It is wholly possible and easy to simply adopt different identities as dating progresses and to never show the real you, but imo this eventually results in ruins as you're faking yourself. This is also why inner game and improving yourself is so important.

I disagree on some some stuff here, mainly going for the emotional connection at first. Imo, if pickup taught me anything, its hook em, qualify em, sex em, then emotionally connect em. Any less is a waste of time. PUA gives an advantage in the hook. Use it to your advantage

BoberJr · 2013-10-13T11:26:34+00:00

Try Mark Manson

ben0wn4g3 · 2013-10-13T11:50:34+00:00

Stick with a girl.Easily solved.

2013-10-13T13:32:40+00:00

Of course you're not going to make connections if you just routine lead and flirt, whatever you mean by that.

Just talk to her. Maintain strong body language and draw her in by that. Last week I attracted a girl by talking about the nature of flies. House flies.

Edit: a topic I was interested in at the time. Control the words being said by talking about your interests , control the conversation with your body language.

ManlyRedditor · 2013-10-13T14:45:31+00:00

Perception, yours is differently. I guess you need to be more sensitive, if you want a deeper connection, than find girls that you can connect with. Plus, are you sure you can handle the drama? especially since if you're introvert (which isn't an issue but still drama does take it's toll)

Vinnieswan · 2013-10-14T17:39:49+00:00

OP is a pussy

HappyJerk · 2013-10-13T01:47:46+00:00

I used to have the same problem as you. I wanted to have a real, deep, emotional relationship with a girl, and not have to "play" her. I became disgusted with the game - I felt like I was manipulating girls and I also became dillusioned with women and relationships when I learned that ignoring girls, being alpha, etc... works.

The thing I've learned is that it is impossible to have an emotional relationship with a girl... but you have to get the alpha stuff out of the way too. The only way a girl will have "feelings" for you if you are alpha and stay alpha - then "love" can grow separately.

winnnnnnnnn · 2013-10-12T23:12:31+00:00

lol at true emotional connections you must want them to leave you to. Lol j/k lulz...no but seriously I'm guessing if your good enough to be over the random pussy. Then your only next logical step is using. Or upping your skills to keep and connect with "quality" chicks. Just keep fighting only way to not lose.

Title	The fickleness of the game sometimes makes me sick to my stomach. I want to make true connections with women, but I'm having a hard time.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	93
Comments	37
Date	October 12, 2013 10:33 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1obfwf/the_fickleness_of_the_game_sometimes_makes_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-fickleness-of-the-game-sometimes-makes-me-sick.1292535 https://theredarchive.com/post/1292535

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